
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4508175.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Glee
  Relationship:
      Kurt_Hummel/David_Karofsky, Blaine_Anderson_&_Kurt_Hummel, Rachel_Berry/
      Finn_Hudson_(mentioned), Santana_Lopez/Brittany_S._Pierce_(mentioned)
  Additional Tags:
      Getting_Together, Slow_Build, Misunderstandings, Angst, Fluff, otp:_The
      Fancy_and_The_Fury, Dialogue_Heavy, Closeted_Character, Unresolved_Sexual
      Tension, Unresolved_Romantic_Tension, Eventual_Happy_Ending,
      Miscommunication, Alternate_Universe_-_Canon_Divergence, Phone_Sex,
      Coming_Out, Not_Actually_Unrequited_Love, Romance
  Series:
      Part 1 of Baby_Steps
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-08-05 Completed: 2015-08-08 Chapters: 16/16 Words: 67675
****** Acts Like Summer, Walks Like Rain ******
by LeaLPotter
Summary
     Kurt gave Dave his number after Prom. And that should have been it,
     because Dave was never going to call. But throw in hormones,
     unrequited love and a pinch of summer heat during five-hour phone
     conversations and the sky is their limit.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
***** He's Such a Teaser, He's Such a Star *****
"So… he said he loved me."
"Oh."
"Oh? That's all I get? David, don't take this the wrong way, please, but you're
the worst gay friend anyone could possibly have."
"Maybe I'm just afriend, then."
"No, no, no, you're not pulling back now, you're –"
"Fuck you, Kurt."
"…what."
"You fucking heard me."
"Okay, should I hang up now?"
"Whatever."
"David!"
"Yeah, what."
"Oh, fine. Be that way. You're just bitter because you don't have an incredible
boyfriend –"
"Fucking hell, Hummel!"
" – who knows your coffee order and sings amazingly and dances even better and
– "
"Shut up, shut up, just shut the fuck up!"
" – and has perfect hair all the time and says 'I love you' like it's nothing,
like you've been saying it to each other forever, like it's just 'You're cute
even if you have the sexual appeal of a baby penguin' and not fucking 'I love
you'!"
"Shut – Wait, what?"
"You heard me."
"Did you just… Kurt, did you just swear?"
"Well, I guess I did!"
"Hey."
"I can do it if I feel like it, alright? Youdo it all the time for noreason, so
why can't I when – "
"Kurt."
" – when I have such a good. Fucking. Reason!"
"Kurt."
"What!"
"It's okay. I won't tell anyone 'bout your potty mouth."
"Why, thank you so much. How can I ever repay you? Oh, I know. Next time you
rely on me and expect my support I'll just tell you to… go away."
"Potty mouth ran out?"
"Go have sexual intercourse with yourself, why won't you, Karofsky."
"Fuck, if I could… Ugh, creepiest mental picture ever."
"Charming."
"Never said I was."
"Very true."
"Kurt?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm not sorry you don't love Bland."
"What? I-I never said that, I just – "
"If you did you'd have snuck out by now, driven up to Doucheville and jumped
his pretty little bones."
"I don't sneak out."
"You would if you loved him."
"I would, would I?"
"Yeah. At least once."
"And why is that? Pray tell me."
"'Cause when you're in love you do things you never thought you would. You
sneak out at two in the morning, you say 'I love you' 'cause you just can't
keep it in anymore, you start reading about Broadway musicals of the 1940s, you
practice singing love songs you'll never sing, you wear fucking ugly red
berets, and you kiss boys who hate you in dirty locker rooms."
"David…"
"That's what you do, Fancy. That's what you do."
"It sounds complicated. And messy."
"Tell me about it."
"Broadway musicals? Really?"
"Shut up."
"You shouldn't just read about them. You should listen."
"How fun!"
"… oh my god, Dave, you sounded sogay right now."
"Have you met you, Princess?"
"Anyway."
"Did you say it back?"
"Yes."
"… Good."
"R-really?"
"Yeah. What else could you say?"
"What else could I say?"
"'I'm sorry.' 'I don't.' 'I'm joining the circus. Always wanted to be a clown
juggler.'"
"'Clown juggler'?"
"Fucking hate clowns."
"Me too."
"Did he buy it?"
"…I-I think so."
"Oh."
"I don't know what to do, David."
"You're asking me?"
"You're my friend."
"I'm the guy who thought wooing meant throwing your crush into fucking lockers
and slushying the life out of him."
"You never slushied me. You actually missed that time."
"Who said I was talking about you, Fancy? Look at that ego go."
"… oh. Sorry."
"Right, you gotta be fucking kidding me."
"What? What did I do now?"
"Really?"
"Ugh, David! You're so… frustrating!"
"The ladies love it."
"How very heterosexual of you."
"My hockey buddies would be so proud."
"I'm sure they would."
"What are you gonna do next?"
"About what?"
"Bland."
"Seriously, David?"
"He is! Always so perfect and pretty and blargh."
"This is the second time you've called my boyfriend pretty in the span of this
conversation. Should I be worried?"
"You don't love him, so."
"I might. One day, I will."
"Have a good fucking life, then."
"So sweet."
"Never said I was."
"That's your excuse for everything, isn't it? Besides, I thought you liked
pretty boys."
"Wow, Fancy, do you have a license for that ego you're carryin'?"
"I meant Sam, obviously."
"Evans?"
"Santana told me about you. And the might-have-happened-because-I-never-take-
Santana's-words-at-face-value checking out of Sam's butt."
"Godammit, so it's true she can keep her fucking mouth closed as much as her
legs, then."
"Seriously, David, I'm vomiting pink hearts at all the lovely things you say
about your girlfriend."
"'S true."
"Nevertheless, you should keep it to yourself around people who don't recognize
your relationship for the smelly lie it is."
"Like you and Bland?"
"No. Blaine and I are incredibly happy together, thank you."
"Like me and Santana. We like, rule the school, y' know?"
"I'm laughing in the inside."
"'Course you are."
"Dave…"
"W-what?"
"Why can't I just be happy with what I have? Blaine isperfect, and he lovesme!
He loves me!"
"Like that's so fucking hard."
"Excuse me?"
"You're like, the easiest person to love, ever."
"Excuseme?"
"Oh, shut up, you know you're perfect."
"…"
"Kurt?"
"…"
"Oh, come on."
"…"
"Well, fuck you to."
"… I-I am?"
"God, what's your damage?"
"Dave…"
"You're telling me your perfect pretty boyfriend tells you 'I love you' like
you're the ketchup to his French fries or some shit, and he doesn't tell you
that?"
"He says – he says I'm adorable."
"What!"
"It's a compliment!"
"Fuck, you're like, the least adorable person on the planet."
"Well, thank you! You're just tookind!"
"No, stop it, jus – just listen, okay?"
"… Fine."
"You're not adorable. You're bitchy, and loud, and annoying as fuck, and
snobbish and petty. You're a pain in the ass and –"
"Well, this has been lovely, but I think –"
" – and love to play the frigid ice queen and do drama like nobody's business.
You're notadorable. Kittens nuzzling puppies are adorable. Hell, my little
sister is adorable, when she's not bringing down the house in one of her diva
fits."
"Is that all? Are you done insulting me? Can I go now?"
"You're hot. And I don't even mean Evans hot, or – or James Dean hot, I mean
you hot. Which is pretty fucking indecent, if you ask me. And your nose is
perfect and your fucking mouth and you have really pretty ey – but you're not
adorable, Kurt."
"Should I feelcomplimented?"
"How the hell should Iknow? I don't even know how I'm supposed to be feeling
half the time."
"So I'm a hot guy with an awful personality? Could be worse, I guess."
"No, you… you're perfect, okay?"
"Like Blaine?"
"The fuck… No! Where are you getting this? You're nothing like him, d'you hear
me? Nothing."
"Then what amI, David?"
"You're – you're kind. And you care. Really care, not just 'bout what you think
it's best but about what other people really want. You're special. And not in
the "everybody's special, hooray" way. It's the good kind, the kind that will
get you out of this fucked up town. And you're funny and scary smart and you
make friends with people who should be eating the dirt you step on."
"David."
"'S true. You are – and I'm nothing."
"Don't."
"Kurt – "
"Don't, David! If I have to believe all those things you said about me, then
you must never, ever repeat that around me again, understand?"
"Kurt –"
"You're notnothing, David! You're – you're not!"
"Kurt –"
"What!"
"I love you."
"Oh."
"Fuck."
"Dave…"
"Fuck, forget it, okay?"
"No, I don't think I will."
"God, Kurt, don't do –"
"I – I have to go, now."
"No, don't –"
"We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"
"Kurt –"
"See you tomorrow, David."
"Don't – Kurt."
"…"
"Fine."
"…"
"Fucking swell."
"…"
"G'bye.
***** I Do Love, He Does Heartbreak *****
Chapter Summary
     In which Kurt's right hand is mauled and Dave wishes for a time
     machine.
"Where were you all day?"
"Not your damn business."
"David, please."
"I had stuff to do."
"Stuff? What stuff?"
"Stuff."
"I was worried."
"It's none of your fucking business, okay?"
"What isn't? Last night –"
"My fucking life is none of your business."
"My, aren't you a little ball of sunshine today."
"What the fuck do you want, Hummel?"
"Nothing, Karofsky. Have a nice life."
"Sure, whatever."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Hey."
"No."
"The hell, I didn't ask you anything."
"No."
"Hummel, you fried?"
"No."
"Fine."
"No."
"Oh, what-the-fuck-ever."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"So, are we talking now, or…"
"If I remember correctly, and I almost always do, you were the one who said
your life was none of my business."
"Yeah, 'bout that…"
"Yes?"
"Fine! I'm sorry! I was out of line, okay?"
"No, it's not okay. We go to school together. We're friends; at least Ithought
we were. You go missing for a whole day and I worry, David, it's what friends
do."
"Sure."
"What do you mean, 'sure'?"
"Just… just let it go, Kurt, please."
"Alright."
"… Really?"
"Yes."
"Thank you."
"So, we got a trophy."
"For the singing thing?"
"Nationals, David."
"Yeah, that. That's good, right?"
"It's really tiny."
"You like'em big, huh?"
"Oh, shut up."
"…"
"I can hear you snorting."
"…"
"It's extremely unattractive."
"You know, since you have your boy and all, you'd better not go 'round hitting
on other guys."
"I wasn't hitting on anyone. I only pointed out how aesthetically unpleasant
your hysterics were."
"Ouch, Fancy."
"Serves you right."
"I'm hurt."
"Good."
"You're a vindictive little bitch, you know that Princess?"
"You love it."
"…"
"Dave, I didn't –"
"'S alright."
"No, I didn't mean to – I didn't want –"
"Don't sweat it. I guess I kinda deserve it."
"Of course you don't! David, I swear, I didn't mean anything by it, I– wait,
are you crying?"
"…"
"I will end you."
"…"
"I'm serious, Karofsky."
"I can tell. You're using your bitchy serious-business voice."
"I can't believe you. I thought you were having a breakdown!"
"…"
"Stop laughing!"
"…"
"That's it. Tonight I'm coming to your house and shaving your hair in the shape
of vagina."
"How the fuck would you know what a vagina looks like?"
"I have my ways."
"Okay, that was seriously creepy."
"The thought of me breaking into your house one of these nights?"
"No, the, hum, the vagina thing."
"So you have no problem with random people sneaking into your room?"
"Random people, yeah. You? Not so much."
"Oh."
"You asked, Fancy."
"I know."
"So, how's it going with you and Bland?"
"Superbly."
"… Really?"
"No."
"Wanna talk it out?"
"Not really."
"Okay."
"He's just… he's so happy!"
"Huh."
"No, I mean – things are going just fine, and he's happy, and he loves me,
but…"
"Are you happy?"
"I should be, shouldn't I?"
"No 'should' about it, Fancy. You can be whatever the fuck you want. No need to
act all jolly if you don't feel like it."
"I know. I know that, I just – he's all I ever wanted, and I know it sounds
like such an awful cliché, but it's true."
"Yeah, well."
"What?"
"All I wanted when I was four was a life size green cement chucker."
"Whatever for?"
"Fuck if I know."
"And that's supposed to help me how?"
"Huh. Scratch that, I kinda still want one."
"Oh, David."
"What?"
"N-Nothing."
"Right…"
"Look, I should go. Finn was playing some ridiculously gorish video game and
now it's gone extremely quiet downstairs."
"And…?"
"He's usually very vocal. And physically expressive."
"And Hudson being Hudson –"
"Last week it was Carole's new lamp. I'd better go."
" 'K then. I'll call you later?"
"You don't have to if you don't want to."
"As if you could live without me."
"I'd miss your refined rhetoric and worldly knowledge."
"See?"
"Crap, I think I heard a crash. Wish me luck?"
"I would but it's Hudson, so…"
"True. Well, I'll take to you later, then. Disaster zone, here I come."
"Take pictures."
"If I survive. Bye, David."
"Bye, Fancy."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"You're still alive, then."
"There are yellow cheese stains all over my fourth favorite pair of white
skinny pants. I smell like Mrs. Pillsbury's office. I've lost the use of my
right hand forever and I'll probably have a bald patch by the end of the week."
"Huh. Never took Hudson for the kinky type."
"What – ugh, David, ew."
"Y'know the step in stepbrother is there for a reason, right?"
"Yes, but I think all my hard work towards repressing any form of romantic Finn
feelings turned him into a cute little asexual slug in my head, thank Gaga."
"You had a crush on Hudson?"
"Solast year."
"But he's a jock!"
"And…? Tall, strong, cute – even if in a little too all-American male for me,
but still. Very crush-worthy."
"Great."
"What?"
"You said jocks weren't your type, remember?"
"Actually, I don't."
"In the locker room."
"Oh."
"Yeah?"
"Well, technically…"
"What, Kurt?"
"I said you weren't my type."
"Fucking fantastic."
"Dave –"
"Save it."
"No, I won't. Do you want to know what my type is?"
"Fuck off, Hummel."
"See? Nice is my type. Guys who don't shove me into lockers, or give me slushy
facials when I'm wearing really expensive clothes, or at all. Guys who say 'Hi,
Kurt' instead of 'Hello, fag'. Guys who don't make me change schools because
I'm terrified they'll make good on their promise to kill me!"
"…"
"And now you run away."
"…"
"Goodbye, David."
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"I'm an asshole."
"No, you used to be an asshole. Now you're just sort of a poophead."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"So, if I it had been me joining glee club last year instead of Hudson –"
"Dave…"
"Well?"
"I – I don't know."
"Oh. Okay."
"Oh, alright! I'd have had this incredibly embarrassing crush on you. Pathetic,
really."
"Fuck."
"What?"
"Me."
"David!"
"No, I mean – forget it."
"If you say so."
"So, are you homeless?"
"What? Oh, that. Not really, but I'm never leaving Finn unsupervised with a bag
of Cheetos ever again."
"Is your right hand alright, then?"
"Thankfully yes."
"That's good."
"Very good. I need it for a lot of things. Like writing. And sewing."
"Fucking tragic if you lost it."
"I'm bypassing your very clumsy attempt at a sexual innuendo, just so you
know."
"Yeah, I noticed. Hey, what're you doing this summer?"
"Nothing involving my right hand, certainly."
"Bo-ring."
"I dohave a boyfriend."
"Shyeah, right."
"Well, I do!"
"Bland."
"Blai-ne. And we're very… affectionate."
"Sure. All those longing looks and hand-holding. Fun."
"Well, I was holding out on any sort of detailed description, but if that's
what you're aiming for –"
"Right, I think my mom's home."
"Chicken."
"Bye, Fancy."
"Chicken."
"…"
"I guess I'll call you later, then."
"…"
"Right.
***** I'll Show You The Time of Your Life *****
Chapter Summary
     In which Kurt makes a crack at some HP references and Dave gives a
     very uplifting speech.
"This summer's gonna suck."
"Well, hello there."
"… Sorry. Hi, Kurt."
"Hi, Dave."
"So, can I tell you about the major suckage this summer's gonna be or should I
ask you about your day, too?"
"That would be very considerate, but I'll let it go this time."
"Right, so. Summer's gonna suck."
"So you've said. And why is that?"
"Azimio's going over to his gradma's in the middle of fucking nowhere, I can't
go camping with my dad 'cause he got promoted and his fucking boss is making
him work overtime, and I know my sister's fucking noisy friends are gonna be
having sleepovers here every single night, so there goes fucking peace and
quiet."
"Hmm. It doesn't sound very promising."
"Right?"
"Well, I guess it's good your father got promoted, but it's too bad about your
camping trip. Do you do that every year?"
"Yeah, since I was a little kid. We didn't get to go last summer because of me,
but I was kinda looking forward to it this year."
"Because of you? What happened?"
"Asshole, remember?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Not you! Me, remember?"
"Oh. Oh!"
"Yeah."
"So you didn't keep your repertoire as a school only event?"
"I wasn't giving my sister swirlies or slushying my mom, but yeah. Wasn't the
best year of my life."
"Tell me about it."
"Shit, Fancy. I'm sorry, I just – it's not like I forget I did it to you, but –
you make it so easy, y'know?"
"To forget?"
"Well, kinda. And you just talk to me like… like you forgave me."
"I didn't."
"I know. I know you can't, but –"
"I never said that, David. No, I haven't forgiven you. Yet. Alright?"
"… Really? You think… you think you could? One day?"
"Yes, I – I know I will."
"… oh."
"Dave?"
"Fuck."
"What? And if you say 'me' again, I'll –"
"God, I'm such a screw-up."
"Why would you say that?"
"You just said you could forgive me. And all I can think of is how I – it'd
just ruin everything, but all I could think of –"
"What? What, David?"
"I really want to kiss you right now."
"…"
"Kurt, please. Just forget it, please!"
"You keep asking me to do that."
"Well, I keep putting my fucking big foot in my big fucking mouth, don't I?"
"Are you mad at me?"
"No! After that, I – I could never be mad at you, Kurt."
"Oh. Good."
"Not so sure it is."
"What do you mean?"
"You shouldn't – you shouldn't be talking to me. We shouldn't be friends."
"Alright, I'll bite. Why not?"
"´Cause if we weren't on the phone, if I could see you now, I'd do it. I'd kiss
you again, Fancy."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Would you hit me? Hurt me again?"
"What? Fuck, Kurt, of course not! I would never – you have to know I'd never –
goddamnit, you have to know!"
"I do. I do, Dave. That's why you wouldn't kiss me. Not if you thought I didn't
want you to."
"Glad someone does, 'cause I for fucking sure don't."
"You wouldn't. You're not – you're not that person anymore."
"I –"
"Yes?"
"I'm gonna go, okay? Just give me a minute, I'll call you back."
"Wait, what? David, I – well, I guess you're gone then."
"…"
"You had better call me back."
 
===============================================================================
 
"Hi, Kurt."
"Dave! What happened? Are you alright? What happened?"
"Geez, take a pill, Fancy. I'm fine."
"Well, you didn't sound fine anhour ago! You said it'd take a minute, whatever
it was!"
"Jesus, Kurt, maybe I went to the bathroom and the toilet clogged and my whole
house got flooded and now I'm lying on my bed waiting for my death, like those
Titanic kids, and talking to you, so cut a guy some slack for leaving you
hangin', will you?"
"… That makes no sense. Ifyour toilet was clogged, the water would just run
out. You wouldn't be waiting for your death; you would be helping your parents
clean up the mess you made. So you had better come up with an awfully good
excuse for taking so long and making me worry about your unappreciative ass."
"So mean. Think about it, you would be the one I chose to speak to on my
deathbed."
"I'm waiting."
"No fun. No fun at all."
"That's me. Now start groveling."
"Yes, Your Majesty, Queen of the Prom."
"That would make you my king, and you're more like the lazy peasant who sits in
the tavern day and night, complaining about taxes and calling women wenches."
"So, if I'm the peasant, then who's your king? Wait, I bet it's Bland."
"No. Weasley is my king."
"But wouldn't you like to let the Quaffle in?"
"David!"
"What, you can crack Harry Potter jokes, but I can't make one little Quidditch
innuendo? How's that fair?"
"No one said the world was a fair place."
"There you go, crushing my hopes and dreams. You want some gloom with that
cynicism?"
"I speak the truth. As in, I never asked to be gay. I never asked to be
discriminated and harassed for something I have no control over. Does that seem
fair to you?"
"Of course it isn't, but – I thought you liked being gay."
"As much as I like having blue eyes or big feet. It's who I am; I just try to
make the best of it."
"I like that you have blue eyes."
"So do I."
"And your feet are cute."
"David, you've never seen my feet."
"Did so."
"When?"
"Remember when you played as kicker for the football team?"
"… yes?"
"Huh, I might have gone back to my locker after practice."
"… go on."
"And you might have been there still. Wearing this really fluffy robe."
"It's very soft."
"It looked like it."
"David…"
"Yeah?"
"Tell me you didn't see me naked."
"I didn't see you naked."
"Good boy."
"I might have seen some leg, though."
"Oh my god."
"Hey, that thing only covered so much, okay?"
"Oh. My. God."
"Jesus, you make it sound like I was some stalker perving on you or something."
"Weren't you?"
"… okay, so maybe I was a little. But I didn't mean to!"
"Didn't you?"
"Damn it, I just wanted to get my car keys from my locker, and I thought
everyone had gone home already, but there you were,parading around with that
fucking tease of a robe and humming, so sorry if my timing is all kinds of
fucked up when it comes to you!"
"Well, did you stick around for a show?"
"No, okay? I fucking didn't! I already felt like Mr. Ryerson, so I just left
and went straight home."
"… Why?"
"What do you mean, 'why'?"
"I thought – I thought you'd want to see –"
"Fuck, Kurt –"
"And with what you said about 'Push It' and all –"
"Jesus –"
"Why didn't you stay?"
"Fancy –"
"I mean, maybe all these things you think you're feeling, maybe they're just –"
"Don't you dare."
"Just you telling yourself to have a crush on me because I happen to be the
only out gay at school. Maybe you –"
"Don't you fucking dare!"
"Maybe you don't even like me that way. I know my body isn't really – you know,
and it's not like I can cover it up by being sexy or something like that, god
knows I've tried –"
"Kurt!"
"W-what?"
"Could you… could you just shut up for one second and listen to me?"
"O-okay."
"You wanna know why I didn't stay? When I saw you there, all I could think of
was how fucking gorgeous you'd look all spread out on one of those benches.
Naked and still wet from your shower, squirming and twisting under me, letting
me put my hands all over you, hard for me, moaning and begging for meto touch
you, to kiss you, to fucking make you come."
"…"
"Because that's all I could think of when I saw you in your gear at the game,
then in your fucking Cheerio uniform, every time you walked by me in the
hallway with your goddamn tight pants, and your hands, and your neck, and that
gorgeous mouth, and those fucking eyes. That's what I think of every. Fucking.
Day."
"…"
"How good it always felt to touch you even for just one second before shoving
you into those lockers. How fucking beautiful you look everyday and how hot you
are when you get all bitchy in my face. That's what I thought of, Fancy, and I
thought it was sick. That Iwas sick. Not just 'cause you're a guy, but because
of all those things I did to you or let others do to you."
"…"
"Do you know how many time I jerked off thinking of you? Saying your name.
Feeling lower than shit when I c-came. So yeah, I left. And I wish I could have
done it every time, so now you wouldn't hate me for saying this and could have
had your first kiss with someone you actually wanted."
"…"
"Kurt? I – I know you're still there. If you're gonna hung up – just do it, but
if you're not –"
"I'm here."
"Don't… don't hate me. Please."
"I d-don't."
"Really?"
"Y-yes. But I think I have to go now."
"Right. I get it. I… I won't call you, I promise."
"You, huh, you can call me. Just – tomorrow, okay?"
"I – sure."
"O-okay. I really need to go. Bye, Dave."
"G'bye, Kurt.
***** Give Me A Reason Or Give Me A Chance *****
Chapter Summary
     In which Kurt is very nice and Dave won't remember this tomorrow.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"Kurt?"
"Hum, hi. You, huh, you never called me back."
"I thought you wouldn't pick up."
"I said you could, didn't I?"
"Yeah, well."
"What, David?"
"You could have called me. I thought you didn't wanna talk to me anymore."
"I told you to call me. Four days ago."
"Yeah? Maybe I'm not your bitch, Hummel, ever think of that? Maybe I have a
life."
"David, don't. Are you – you don't have to be embarrassed."
"I'm not. I don't fucking care."
"About what, exactly?"
"You. My life."
"O-okay. I'll call you back later, then."
"Don't bother."
"Bye, Dave."
"Whatever."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be."
"Not for last week. I'm sorry I was such an ass to you – after."
"It's alright, David, really."
"No it fucking isn't! I thought I had screwed everything up, again, and you
were – you should just do yourself a favor and ditch me, Fancy."
"No."
"Kurt –"
"No! I'm not giving up on you, Dave! You can yell at me, and you can hang up
and never call me back, but you can't throw me off. I've been told I can be
rather… persistent."
"A stubborn little bitch, that's more like it."
"And I'd appreciate you didn't call me that."
"I – sorry. See? Keeps happening. I just shouldn't be around nice people."
"Am I nice?"
"Fishing for compliments, Fancy?"
"All the time."
"Yeah, you're nice. You're very nice."
"How nice am I exactly, Dave?"
"Super nice. Totally nicely nice."
"Hmm?"
"… yeah, Fancy, you don't really wanna go there."
"I don't?"
"You don't know what you're doing."
"I think I know exactly what I'm doing, Dave."
"How's Bland?"
"… fine. Be that way."
"You're a nice person, Kurt. You don't play with people like that. Even if they
kinda deserve it."
"Maybe I wasn't playing."
"Sure."
"David…"
"So, is Hudson behaving? Or did you have to put him in the corner?"
"He's already potty trained, fortunately, so I washed my hands of it and sent
him on a play date at Rachel's."
"… Seriously?"
"What can I say? The bipolar nature of their relationship fascinates me."
"Isn't there medication for that?"
"Well, at least this way he's occupied and out of my hair."
"And God forbid your hair gets messed up, huh Fancy?"
"Do you mock, sir?"
"With the hair of Your Fanciness? I would never."
"Hmpft, you'd better not."
"I'd love to see it all crazy one day, though."
"Don't you dare, Karofsky."
"You'll see, first day of school –"
"David, I'm warning you –"
"You'll never see it coming. You're gonna look so pretty, all wild and shit."
"I'll come to your house and steal all your possessions. And then I'll use your
toothbrush to scrub off each and every one of Finn's sports socks."
"Y'know, this is the second time you threatened breaking into my house. Fishing
for an invite now?"
"Well, it's kind of rude how you've never asked me over."
"Maybe I'm worried you'll be your usual nasty self, call my mom fat and pee all
over the new curtains."
"Hmpf. You should take me as I am. I thought we were friends."
"Aww. Fancy, see? Now it's all awkward. I can't have you coming to my house.
You're an animal."
"Are you ashamed of me, David? Is this because of my table manners? I really
thought we were past that."
"What table manners?"
"See? You just won't accept me."
"And it's like you don't even know what a shower is! We'll have to have the
house fumigated!"
"So I'm never getting my invite?"
"Sorry. You'll have to stick to your B&E routine."
"I guess I always have that."
"Guess so."
"I might not even say hello to your mother, though. Maybe I'll go straight to
you room. Incredibly disrespectful of me, isn't it?"
"That'd be… rude."
"Mm-hmm."
"You – you can't let my mother down like that. She'd shit bricks if she met
you."
"Why?"
"She'd love you."
"I like her already."
"You selfless saint."
"What can I say? I live to be worshipped."
"All hail King Kurt?"
"Correct."
"Anyway. She'd be all over you. You'd be 'Thank you, Mrs. Karofsky', 'Please,
just one sugar, Mrs. Karofsky' and 'Oh, this china pattern is just lovely, Mrs.
Karofsky' all fucking day. And then she'd have me kicked out of the house in
the time it took to get those adoption papers."
"Hmm. Interesting. I gather your mother likes well-mannered people, then?"
"Yeah. Like you, all 'thank you' and 'excuse me' and 'I'm sorry, I think you
might be stepping on my big toe, I hope it's not a bother'."
"So, basically, civilized members of society?"
"Something like that. Weird, right?"
"Preposterous."
"Dude, that's like, my favorite word ever."
"David."
"… Yeah?"
"Kurt. My lord and master. Fancy, even, since you can't seem to control
yourself. Never 'dude'. Got it?"
"My lord and master?"
"Yes?"
"You gotta be fucking kidding me."
"It has such a nice ring to it."
"So does 'my almighty God', and they'll be putting me away before you ever hear
me calling you that."
"Hmm. It has something to it, too. We'll see."
"… right. How's Bland?"
"Alive and well, last time I heard."
"Problems in paradise?"
"You wish."
"Yeah."
"Really? That's friendly of you."
"So sorry, my lord and master."
"Hmm, nice."
"Figures you'd have a power complex."
"I'll ignore that."
"Really, Kurt, do you – fuck, do you need to talk? Or something."
"If I did, I'd go to Mercedes. Or Finn."
"Hudson?"
"He's a very good listener. Once he's in close reach of food and beverage, that
is."
"You could talk to me."
"No, I really couldn't, Dave."
"Is that 'cause of… last week?"
"Indirectly, yes."
"Well, fuck me. You said it didn't matter!"
"No, I never said that."
"Fuck, Kurt!"
"Dave…"
"Look, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm such a basket case, but I like being your
friend, alright? I want to be there for you – if you need someone. Can't you
just – I don't know, erase it? Hit your head somewhere and get amnesia?"
"How kind!"
"You know what I mean."
"Look, Dave, don't worry, alright? I have – there are things I need to figure
out alone. It has nothing to do with us being friends."
"I thought friends were good for shit like that."
"And they are. You're – you're a good friend, David."
"Right."
"What?"
"I haven't done a fucking good thing for you yet, Fancy. It's always me,
whinefucking whine, and taking it all out on you. I haven't done shit for you."
"You have. You've actually done much more for me than I could begin to thank
you for, David."
"I –"
"Trust me on this. Please?"
"… okay."
"Good."
"I should go. Get some sleep or whatever."
"You're not – you're not angry with me, are you?"
"… no."
"Yes you are! Really, David, you're just –"
"What? What amI, Kurt?"
"Nothing. Go sleep. I'll call you."
"But – fucking hell, Fancy."
"…"
"Guess we'll talk tomorrow, then."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Kuuuuurt? Kurtie?"
"It's three in the afternoon, David. How are you drunk?"
"N-not d-drunk."
"Of course not. What happened?"
"Party at Z's!"
"A party? Now?"
"What – nooo, Fancy, las' night."
"And you're still drunk? Impresive."
"'S how you don't get hung-over."
"I would think a more effective way would be not getting drunk in the first
place, but who am I."
"You're Fancy. Kurt Fancy."
"… right. Should I call you later?"
"Noooo! Talk to me, Kurtie. I like your voice."
"You –you do?"
"Sure! 'S like a pillow. Fluuuffy pillow with peanut butter."
"What?"
"So soft. An' tasty."
"My voice is tasty?"
"You're tasty."
"Oh."
"Ugh, Fancy, I don't feel so good."
"What –"
"I think I'm gonna –"
"David, tell me you didn't just puke. While on the phone with me."
"Sorry, Kurtie Fancy."
"That's it, I'm coming over."
"What? Where?"
"Your house. I bet your parents don't know you got drunk in the middle of the
afternoon, alone."
"Nooo, you can't come!"
"Why not?"
"'M naked."
"You're what?"
"Na-ked."
"David."
"Kurtie."
"Why would you be drunk andnaked at three in the afternoon?"
"Dunno."
"Alright, I'm not coming to your house. But you had better not hang up on me.
And I want you to throw away any alcohol you still have laying around. And
clean up your puke."
"'Kay."
"…"
"Hi, Kurt."
"Done?"
"Yeah."
"Good boy. Now go wash your face and brush your teeth, and then, for Gaga's
sake, put some clothes on and lay down. And don't hang up."
"But, Fancy – "
"What now, David?"
"I can't –I can't brush my teeth and talk to you at the same time."
"Oh, alright – Leave the phone in your room. But don't turn it off; I have a
great payment plan. And hurry!"
"Okay."
"David."
"Yeah?"
"You can go now."
"Oh. Okay, then."
"Honestly."
"…"
"You had better not be getting any drunker."
"…"
"And why would you be naked, anyway?"
"…"
"Since when does brushing your teeth take so long?"
"S–sorry. Tripped."
"Oh, there you are. Are you dressed?"
"'Course I am, Fancy. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You did say you were naked."
"Oh. That. Just didn't want you coming over."
"… Why?"
"I thought you'd be mad at me?"
"Why?"
"'Cause I didn't pick up when you called las' night."
"Weren't you at the party?"
"Didn't wanna talk to you."
"Oh."
"Didn't wanna think of you anymore."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Didn't work. 'M always thinking of you. All the fucking time."
"I-is that so bad?"
"You don't want me."
"David, I – did you lie down?"
"Yeah, you told me to."
"Yes. Better now?"
"Yeah. Sorry I barfed on you."
"It's alright. You missed me."
"Oh. Good. Your clothes are really pretty."
"You'd never said that."
"They are. An' your hair. An' your pretty feet."
"I think you might have a bit of a fetish there, Dave."
"Nooo, jus' wanna kiss 'em."
"My feet? Well, I guess –"
"Your lips."
"Oh."
"Can I, Fancy? Can I kiss 'em?"
"You – you –"
"Kurt?"
"How drunk are you, still?"
"Lots."
"So, the chances of you remembering this when you're sober –"
"I prolly won't."
"Oh."
"Fancy?"
"You – you can."
"What?"
"You can – you can kiss them."
"Who?"
"My lips, you big dumb meathead!"
"Ouch!"
"Sorry. That – that was uncalled for."
"Huh? Hurt my finger."
"What? How?"
"My zipper."
"What – what do you mean, your zipper?"
"Your voice makes me horny."
"…"
"Fuck yeah, that's better."
"D-David, what zipper isit?"
"Huh?"
"Is it… the one on your jacket?"
"My jeans."
"Oh. Oh."
"Ungh, Fancy…"
"God, David…"
"I like it when you say my name like that."
"You – really?"
"Yeah. So sexy."
"I'm not – I'm not sexy."
"Yeah, you are. So fucking hot."
"Tell me?"
"Ugh, your legs. That ass, Fancy."
"More, David."
"Such a nice ass. Bet I could fit it all in my hands."
"Oh…"
"I was watching, y'know?"
"W-what?"
"When you came back to school. The Gaga dance."
"'Born – Born This Way'?"
"Loved your t-shirt."
"Mm-hmm?"
"Yeah. Your body, Kurt, fuck. The way you moved… I almost blew my load right
then and there. You had me ready to come in my pants like fucking Hudson."
"Don't – don't talk about him."
"Wish I'd been up there. Dancin' with you. So close. Those hips, Fancy…"
"Ungh…"
"You like it, don't you? That I want you so fucking much?"
"Yesss…"
"Know you do. Make me so hot, Fancy, hot for you."
"The d-dance?"
"All the time. You know what I'd do?"
"… what?"
"I'd wait till everyone was gone. Jus' you and me on that stage. All alone."
"David…"
"I'd get down on my knees for you, Fancy, and I'd suck you right through your
tight little pants till you were coming in them."
"Ungh!"
"Then I'd take you to the locker room. Get you out of those fucking clothes,
but I'd leave your shirt on. Love that shirt."
"You could have – you could have one too – god, David…"
"Yeah? I'd wear it. Jus' for you."
"Tell me more."
"Alright, Bossy. Wanna know what I'd do next? I'd push you up against the
lockers, your fucking legs over my shoulders and I'd lick you clean. Till you
were begging. You look so beautiful when you beg, Fancy."
"I – I do?"
"Yeah. Dream of you. Every night. Bossing me around in bed then begging to make
you come all over yourself."
"Tell me. Tell me, David, please!"
"I'd put you down, real slow, and you'd be all over me. Kissing me. Wanting me
inside you, so I'd bend you over the bench and fuck you till you couldn't
remember your own fucking name, Kurt."
"Fuck, David!"
"I – ungh – I'd do you hard – but slow. Want you to feel me all over. Inside
you. So you'd never forget it. Forget me."
"I would never forget you, David."
"N-never? Fuck, Kurt…"
"You'd be my first."
"I would? Oh, God – "
"Yes. The first to touch me like that, see me like that."
"Would you – oh, Jesus – would you let me? Really?"
"Y-yes."
"Oh, fuck, Kurt!"
"…"
"…"
"David?"
"'M here, Kurtie."
"Are – are you alright?"
"Fan-fucking-tastic…"
"Oh. Me – me too."
"I love you, Kurt."
"Oh, Dave…"
"'M really sleepy, now."
"It's alright. Sleep. I – I'll call you tomorrow. You had better be sober by
then."
"'Kay, Fancy. G'night."
"It's the middle of the afternoon."
"…"
"Goodnight, David."
"…"
"…"
Chapter End Notes
     Drunken phone sex ahoy!
***** Am I Alone In Your Heart *****
Chapter Summary
     In which Kurt is sososorry and Dave's socks are disgusting .
"David. Hi."
"Hum, hi, Kurt. Wait, did I – did I do something?"
"What? No, of course not."
"'S just – you sound all pissy."
"I'm not."
"Hum, okay. Look, I didn't drunk-dial you one of these days, did I?"
"What!"
"Got a missed call from you on my phone. I thought I'd –"
"I didn't – I mean, no you didn't call me."
"Oh. Okay, good. Geez, that's a relief."
"Why?"
"I'm kinda of a talky drunk."
"Don't you mean talkative?"
"Yeah. That."
"You didn't call me. I called you."
"You did?"
"Yes. Two days ago. Why wereyou drunk in the middle of the afternoon, David?"
"I was? Shit. Keep getting blanks."
"Blanks? So you, huh, you remember?"
"Remember what? I didn't –I didn't say anything to you, did I?"
"You – you puked. And then you said my feet were pretty. And there might have
been tripping involved at some point."
"So- I just said that, right? 'Bout your feet?"
"You mentioned liking my voice. Then you sort of collapsed."
"Shit. I woke up in my bed, though. Fucking mother of all headaches, too."
"Serves you right. What were you thinking, David?"
"'Side from wanting to get wasted? Fuck if I know, Fancy."
"How could you be so – so careless? What if you had gone out and driven
somewhere?"
"Yeah, well, I didn't, so –"
"But you could have! And what about your parents, what if they had come home
and seenyou like that?"
"Kurt, what – "
"Do you think they'd be proud? That their son would go and do – that? Who gets
drunk aloneat three PM?"
"Fancy, calm –"
"Who does that? Are you honestly that stupid, David?"
"Hey, what – "
"What would your mother say if she knew? If she knew – if she knew her son did
things like that? I don't believe she'd be proud!"
"What, get shitfaced? Like she never did. You really don't want to get her
started on the 'golden years', trust me."
"No, I mean – ugh, David, I can't even talk to you right now!"
"Seriously, Fancy, the fuck."
"I'm hanging up now. Don't call me."
"Kurt –"
"Goodbye, David!"
"Goddamnit, Hummel!"
"…"
"Seriously, what's your hang up."
"…"
"Shit. I guess we're done, then."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
"I'msosorryDavesososorry."
"Fancy?"
"I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry."
"'S okay."
"Of course it isn't!"
"Kurt – "
"I never meant to say all those things to you."
"I said it was okay, didn't I? 'Sides, it's like payback for one of those days
I got on your case for no reason."
"I didn't want it to be payback."
"I know you didn't."
"Are we – "
"Good?"
"…yes."
"Yeah, Fancy. We're good."
"I'm sorry I took so long to call you."
"Figured you needed some time to vent. Don't worry, okay?"
"So… how are you?"
"Fine."
"Da-vid…"
"Shitfuckgottago –"
"What?"
"…"
"David!"
"…"
"What in the world..."
"…"
"Men!"
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Dave?"
"Hi, Kurt."
"So. Do I get an explanation for yesterday?"
"… no."
"Really, Dave? Really?"
"Had stuff to do."
"Stuff? What stuff?"
"Laundry."
"… Right. Your socks couldn't stand molding one minute more so that you could
say your goodbyes properly?"
"… no."
"Pushy socks, aren't they?"
"Look who's talking."
"Are you saying I smell like your moldy socks?"
"No, I'm saying you're pushylike my moldy socks."
"So, are you saying I smell good, then?"
"I never said that, Fancy."
"Oh."
"Like you need me to tell you you smell good."
"It's not like people are just throwing themselves off balconies everywhere I
go to shower me with compliments."
"Don't you have a boyfriend? That's sort of his duty-"
"Of course. I only thought it might be nice to –"
"To what, Fancy?"
"Nothing."
"Sure."
"Is there anything we need to talk about, David?"
"You tell me."
"What?"
"You're the one who – look, Kurt, if you're all frustrated 'cause your
boyfriend isn't putting out, that's not my fucking problem, okay? Go nag
Hudson."
"Finn?"
"Yeah! Wasn't he your fucking jock prince in red shower curtain or some shit?"
"He's my stepbrother. And I'm not frustrated. And I wouldn't ask you, anyway."
"Yeah, sure, whatever."
"Fine, David!"
"What?"
"…"
"Again?"
"…"
"Well, fuck you, too!"
"…"
"…"
 
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Kurt?"
"Finn! Look, I'm sorry, is this a bad time? And please, if you're having sex
with Rachel, don't tell me. Just hang up."
"What? I'm not – I'm not having s-sex with Rachel!"
"Oh, good. For me, I mean. Obviously not for you. Unless you don't want to have
sex with her, which I would completely understand. But that doesn't sound
likely."
"Kurt, you're doing that thing again where your voice gets like, really high
and you don't make any sense."
"I am, aren't I? I'm sorry, I'll stop."
"Okay."
"Hi, Finn."
"Hi, Kurt."
"How are you?"
"Dude, you just saw me like, one hour ago."
"I feel like we already had this conversation a milliontimes, but could you
please try and not call me 'dude'? You know I hate it."
"But you're a guy!"
"And Rachel is a girl. Somehow, I don't see your chances of ever getting in her
pants being enhanced by you calling her 'dudette'."
"Yeah, but – "
"You know, Dave was incredibly accommodating about it. I only had to tell him
once."
"But that's because –"
"What, Finn?"
"He kinda wants to get in your pants, right?"
"Finn Christopher Hudson!"
"Shit! You know not even my mom calls me that, don't you?"
"Well, I felt the need to get my point across."
"Yeah, but I'm right."
"Moving on. Can you talk right now? I don't want my chances of getting any
solos next year being crushed by my monopolizing you."
"Yeah, it's okay. I'm locked in the bathroom."
"What!? I don't even – What!"
"Rachel wants to use summer vacation to write more songs. She says I block her
creative flow or something, so she is keeping me the bathroom until she
finishes the refrain. After that, we'll make out."
"I would comment on the obvious insanity of the whole arrangement, but this
isRachel Berry."
"It's cool. Her dads gave me a muffin basket. They don't know I'm in the
bathroom, though."
"O-kay. So. About me, now."
"'M listening."
"I screwed up, Finn. I really, really did."
"Karofsky?"
"He's – I'm – Finn, I don't know."
"D'you want a muffin? They've got blueberries."
"It's like – It's like I don't even know what I'm doing anymore! These things
keep blurting out off my mouth; it's as if I have no filter whatsoever!"
"Why do girls need all this crap?"
"It's his fault, I know it is. He's such a boy, sometimes. And then he talks to
me like – no one's ever talked to me like that before."
"Wow, this stuff is awesome, Kurt!"
"And I know what he's done to me and I can't – I know I haven't forgiven him,
but – I think… I think I like him, Finn, I think – oh, god, what am I doing?"
"Shit, crap, does this come out?"
"And Blaine!"
"Wait, what about Blaine?"
"Were you even listening?"
"Dude, you have to see this bathroom."
"Yes… I really doubt it. And also, the 'dude' thing? It's not really working
for me, Finn."
"Dude!"
"Are you doing it on purpose?"
"This shower!"
"Finn, you're not getting in that shower!"
"But –"
"Finn Hudson, listen to me. You don't want Rachel's dads to give you both The
Talk after finding you naked in their daughter's bathroom."
"Crap."
"Right. Now step out of that tub."
"'Kay."
"So, back to me."
"Right."
"Finn, I can hear the water running!"
"Oh. Sorry."
"I'm not against calling Rachel right now and demand she handcuff you to the
pipes."
"Sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, shoot."
"Are you sitting down?"
"Yeah."
"Where are your hands?"
"On my lap?"
"Finn…"
"So what about Blaine? I thought you guys were broken up."
"We're taking a breather. We both felt we needed some space to figure out where
our relationship was going."
"Huh. I thought you'd dumped him 'cause you wanted to keep sexting Karofsky."
"Finn!"
"What?"
"Don't say that out loud in a room in Rachel's house which I'm sure has been
fully remodeled to ensure perfect acoustic everywhere! Besides, we weren't
texting."
"'Cause you're old-fashioned, right?"
"Finn –"
"Dude, it's cool, okay? I told you I talked to him after Prom, didn't I? He's
really trying."
"Prom. After you got yourself thrown out for picking a fight with you ex-now-
girlfriend's date and Dave ditched me on the dance floor?"
"Yeah."
"Well, I guess I do have a type, then."
"Huh?"
"Never mind. Finn I don't – what should I do?"
"Wait, whoa! You're asking me for advice? Dating advice?"
"Not dating, just – yes."
"Oh. Okay. Crap. Dude, I don't know! What areyou gonna do?"
"Forego men entirely. Run away to Broadway. Hibernate?"
"Dude. That'd be awesome! You know, sleep and eat whenever we wanted. We could
get like, a bachelor pad!"
"Don't you have a girlfriend?"
"Oh, right. I do!"
"Good for you. Now, back to me."
"Right. Look, I could ask Rachel! Cause, you know, guy experience is not my
strongest point."
"Come to think of it, neither is girlexperience. And no, I don't want Rachel's
advice. I still can't believe she took you back even after our heart-rending
performance of 'For Good'. Tell her that when she lets you out."
"Thanks, Kurt. Good to know my brother has my back."
"Blood runs thicker than water. So do cheese stains."
"Dude, I said I was sorry!"
"Didn't your mother teach you that you'd better be safe than sorry?"
"I bet you didn't tell Dave that when he apologized."
"He didn't ruin my fourth favorite pair of white skinny pants for life."
"Nah, he just kissed you and then said he'd kill you if you ever told anyone."
"Touché. I guess I like him better than you, then."
"Not fair! You just like him 'cause he wants in your pants."
"Finn, have you seen the kind of pants I wear? Considering how difficult it is
to take them off, Dave gets points just for effort."
"Fine. Why don't you call him, then?"
"… you know why."
"Kurt –"
"I took advantage of him, Finn."
"Know what? I don't think he really minded."
"That's not the point! How would you feel if Rachel got you drunk to have sex
with you?"
"I –"
"Wait, don't answer that."
"Dude, it's not like you got him drunk and made him have phone-sex with you.
Ugh."
"What?"
"This is just… really weird. I feel like I should go break his legs or
something."
"You're a good brother, Finn."
"Thanks, Kurt!"
"However, being that I'm actually older than you, I do believe the role of
overprotective big brother has been miscast."
"Dude, I'm totally the big brother."
"If it makes you happy. Look, I should go. Gather some manly courage and face
the music. We haven't talked in three days; I can't put this off any longer."
"You mean you're gonna do the nasty with him again?"
"Finn!"
"Only if he's drunk, then."
"No! I – later, Finn."
"Use protection! Better safe than sorry!"
"Argh!"
"I make an awesome big brother."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Fancy?"
"Hi, Dave."
"Why d'you call me?"
"Well, you obviously weren't going to – no, wait. I'm sorry, Dave. There's just
– there's a lot going on in my life right now and I keep taking it out on the
wrong people. Which means I keep taking it out on you, really."
"Yeah, well, I'm no fucking saint, either."
"So. Friends?"
"… yeah. Yeah, friends."
"Thank you. I – I really don't want to lose y– I mean, our talks. They're very
important to me."
"Me too. You – you're important, too."
"David, I –"
"We should hang out sometime."
"I – I thought we were. In a manner of speaking."
"Exactly! We should, I don't know, go somewhere. Catch a movie, or something.
You could bring Mercedes if you don't really feel like being all alone with me
in a dark room."
"Hum, I – I'd like that, Dave. The – the movie, I mean. And Mercedes is really
busy these days; I can't seem to get a hold of her. So we could go alone.
Unless you want me to bring Finn? Except, no. That wouldn't be a very good
idea. I could –"
"I don't need you to bring anyone else if you're okay with it being just us,
Fancy."
"Oh."
"Are you?"
"…Yes."
"'Kay."
"I really am, Dave."
"Good."
"It is."
"So, do you want me to pick you up, or…?"
"Actually, I'd rather drive there."
"Oh. Sure."
"I don't think my father would be very accommodating to me leaving the house
with you, Dave."
"Oh! Right. He's sorta scary."
"He's my dad."
"He loves you."
"Yes. We – for a long time, we only had each other, you know? I guess we became
rather protective of one another."
"That's kinda cool. Does he own a gun?"
"A rifle, actually."
"Shit."
"It's alright. It's never loaded… I think."
"Having fun, aren't you?"
"My dad's not going to kill you, Dave."
"He's just gonna maim me for life?"
"Of course not! Only a little bit."
"Thanks, Fancy."
"So, when are you free?"
"Summer, remember?"
"Yes, but it's not like I lounge about all day eating bonbons and watching
'Project Runaway' reruns. I would, but Finn's trying to compensate his lacking
right foot with some very enthusiastic drums practice."
"So, what do you do all day? You know, besides the obvious."
"David!"
"I meant eating and sleeping, obviously."
"I'm sure you did."
"Not everyone has your filthy mind, Kurtie."
"What!"
"What?"
"What did you call me?"
"Huh… Kurt?"
"David!"
"What?"
"You called me – you called me K-Kurtie."
"Oh. Sorry. You don't like it?"
"I – I – Why would you call me that?"
"Dunno, just slipped out, I guess. Don't get your panties all in a bunch."
"Oh. Oh, okay. So, hum, I'll meet you at the theatre near the park tomorrow at
seven, okay? I – I gotta go."
"Hey, what if I've already got plans?"
"Do you?"
"Nah."
"Then?"
"… I'll meet you there. G'bye, Kurtie."
"Wha – Goodbye, David!"
"You're cute when you're flustered."
"…"
"See you tomorrow, then."
"…"
"Kurtie.
***** Give me an Evening, or Give me a Night *****
Chapter Summary
     In which Kurt is naked and David is antsy.
"David? What happened?"
"Hi, Kurt."
"Oh, hi."
"Why are you whispering?"
"I've been abducted. Apparently the fabulousness of my outfits flashed up on
some sort of extraterrestrial life form's radars. They're installing a chip on
my brain so they can keep up with the latest fads."
"Wow. That's gotta be the worst excuse for getting out of a date I've ever
heard."
"Well, I – wait, are we going on a date?"
"Friends date. I mean, you have Bland, so."
"Oh. You just never mentioned it being a date, that's all."
"Friends date. And it's better than hang-out-y… thing."
"Definitely."
"Kurt, I'm not – I know this isn't a date, okay?"
"You d-do? That's, huh, that's good."
"Right. Think those aliens might send you down for two or three hours? Chip or
no chip."
"I'm ready to beg. If it doesn't work, I excel at hair-pulling."
"Figures. They're hairy?"
"They make Coach Sylvester look like a good hair day."
"Science fiction's been lying to me all my life."
"Oh, you poor baby."
"Baby, huh? Didn't think you two were there yet. Wanky."
"Get offme, Puck!"
"Aww, but I wanna talk to Karofsky, too!"
"Puckerman?"
"I'm so sorry, David, I should have gone to the bathroom."
"Is that Karofsky? I'm gonna have a word with him."
"No, Mercedes, you're not."
"Jones? What the –"
"I'm not down with this, Kurt! I'm gonna have a talk with the boy before he
drags you to some back alley and throws your body parts in a dump."
"Mercedes! Give me that!"
"Back alley? What kinda trip are you all on?"
"'Sup, Karofsky."
"Hudson?"
"Finn, I thought you and Puck had zombies to slaughter."
"Dude, I don't think you should be sitting on my back. David might get
jealous."
"You sleep only two rooms away from me, Finn, and I always have a bottle of
bleach in my immediate reach."
"Yeah, so?"
"Wrong answer, Hudson."
"Don't encourage him, Dave."
"Oh-oh, Da-ave!"
"I'm warning you, Puck!"
"You know my offer to punch your face in still stands, right Karofsky?"
"Sam! Alright, enough. You, you and you, Finn, yes, you too, go sit by the big
shiny appliance in the corner that I call a TV and you call mothership.
Mercedes, you go to my closet and make sure Rachel keeps her hands to herself."
"What about me, Fancy?"
"You will stop your snorting right now and shut up until I lock us in the
bathroom."
"Hey, Kurt, I promised your dad I'd watch over you, I'm not sure he'd be okay
with you and Karofsky –"
"Finn."
"Yeah?"
"Shut up!"
"Fuck, Fancy, you're buyin' me a new eardrum."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Dave. Zip it, Puck. Boys, go sit. Girls, closet. And, Rachel,
by closet I mean my sofa, with your hands on your lap and no other comments
aside from 'Fabulous'. Move, people!"
"You know, if I was into dudes, that'd be seriously hot."
"Thank you, Puck, I appreciate it. Now sit."
"I'm very glad you have found an outlet for your homophobic impulses, David."
"Fuck this. Berry?"
"Rachel, what have I told you about personal bubbles? Mine especially?"
"That only Karofsky gets to hump it?"
"Alright, Puckerman, that is it. I'm gagging you."
"Kink– hmpf!"
"There you go. Get him out of my sight, Finn. And Rachel, sweetie, what is that
thing munching on your hair? Never mind, go to Mercedes, she'll know what to
do."
"It's a headband!"
"Is it sentient? It just growled at me."
"Fancy, the hell?"
"Sshh, David. I'll deal with you in a second."
"I'd tell you to get a room, but then you actually might, so –"
"Sam, you're very attractive. Keep in mind that's the only thing standing
between your face and a truckload of sulfuric acid."
"Going, going!"
"Good boy."
"Stop ogling the guy, Fancy."
"What, I should leave that to you?"
"If I told you I really was just checking out his jeans – "
"I would have to tell you that inept lies smell of knock-off Manolos and you
reek of cheap leather. It's not your fault, even. I get it; it's like my eyes
are laser-guided, all the time."
"He's not thatgood looking. Bathroom?"
"Almost there. What arethey doing, I thought zombies were supposed to be dumb
and silent? It sounds like a slaughterhouse massacre in my living room."
"It ain't as fun if they don't squeal."
"…Charming. Alright, I'm safe. Just let me – and locked. So."
"Hi, Kurt."
"… you keep saying that. Hi, Dave. Why did you call me?"
"Felt like it."
"No particular reason?"
"Do I need one?"
"… no."
"Maybe I just like hearing your voice."
"Well, aren't you sweet."
"Yeah, well, I'm just tricking you into a false sense of security so I can chop
you up in some shifty back alley."
"Mercedes can be… intense. David, really, is there something wrong?"
"'Course not."
"Really? Normally, a no-subject call this close to an appointed rendezvous
means nothing good."
"You're the one who's gonna ditch me for some imaginary shaggy aliens."
"I'm not, you know."
"What?"
"Is that why you called? Did you want to make sure I wouldn't stand you up?"
"… no."
"Oh, Dave."
"Stop laughing at me."
"I'm not!"
"Yeah, yeah, so fucking funny, what a fucking riot."
"It is a little."
"Fine. Be seeing you, Hummel."
"Oh, and now you're sulking."
"I don't – I don't fucking sulk!"
"It's okay. I won't tell anyone. It'll be our little secret."
"Another one of those, huh?"
"I'm not sure I follow."
"Forget it."
"Any other day I wouldn't, but you've caught me at a most unfortunate time."
"What happened? You know, besides your alien rave?"
"Finn brought Puck over for a zombie killing marathon. I had a miniature
breakdown over a small wardrobe malfunction and, in the face of my somewhat
agitated state, Finn decided he didn't have the balls to handle it so he called
Rachel over to help me."
"And that is… bad?"
"Rachel Berry. Help me. With clothes."
"So it's bad, then."
"Atrocious. And then Mercedes, who's been cold-shouldering my calls for the
last, oh, I don't know, weeks, showed up with Sam in tow, with whom she
apparently keeps running into. She's supposed to be helping me, but keeps
sneaking downstairs to do god knows what. Or who. Then you called and they all
decided it was time for an impromptu party in my room."
"Jones and Evans?"
"It's cute watching them trying to be stealthy. And failing miserably, of
course."
"So, Fancy."
"Mmm-hmm?"
"Did you, huh, did you tell them 'bout – about me?"
"I – no. I mean, I told Finn."
"Fucking great."
"He promised he wouldn't tell anyone."
"Yeah, well."
"He didn't! With the crazy amount of blackmail I have on him, he would never,
David. But Rachel… well, she has two dads. I'm going with imprinted gaydar."
"Puckerman?"
"No idea. Maybe Santana?"
"She – she wouldn't."
"Personally, I think he's bluffing. You know how he gets."
"Jones? Evans?"
"What? They don't know."
"Really? Your BFF doesn't know?"
"My whole life does not revolve around you, David. Besides, it's been years
since we had a decent girl talk."
"But Evans said – "
"Dave, it's fine. I promise. Whatever they do or don't know, they're keeping it
to themselves. And occasionally taking the time to royally mess with me."
"Oh. You sure?"
"Cross my heart."
"They didn't – I mean, Puck and Hudson, they didn't seem –"
"Ready to beat you down, steal your kidneys and key a big "fag" all over your
car?"
"…yeah."
"They're good guys. I mean, I already knew that about Finn, but Noah has really
come through lately."
"Noah, huh?"
"Jealous?"
"Me? Not a chance. I've totally got the upper-hand on locker room measurements,
so –"
"How cocky. No pun intended at all."
"However, Bland – He might feel… inadequate."
"Blaine has no reason to feel inadequate about anything."
"You're lyin'."
"Oh?"
"You didn't – you and him, you didn't – Fuck, Kurt!"
"David…"
"See you later."
"We didn't, Dave."
"Like I care."
"It would be none of your business if we had, though."
"Yeah? Look, I'm going now, 'kay?"
"Stop being mad at me."
"'M not."
"Dave…"
"You know that's gonna stop working one of those days."
"I'll just have to think of another incentive when it does, then."
"Fucking tease."
"I'm only a tease if I don't go through with it."
"… right. I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that."
"Why?"
"'Cause I like my sanity just the way it is."
"Your loss. Hold on, someone's knocking."
"Better not be Noah."
"Not you too."
"'M just sayin'. You do have a boyfriend."
"…"
"Fancy?"
"…"
"Something I said?"
"What – No, Rachel and 'Cedes were at the door. I should go now. They did come
to help me. Even if in Rachel's case I'd prefer she'd just stick to the intent
and leave it at that."
"Help you with what?"
"Nothing."
"Fine, be that way. See if I ever pretend to care about your problems again."
"You're a horrible friend. So self-centered and insensitive to my hardships."
"I'm awesome."
"In its original meaning, maybe."
"Low blow, Fancy."
"Bye, Dave. I'll see you at seven."
"And the aliens?"
"I've got three zombie-killing machines on my team. I would like to see the
little furballs come up against that."
"Hey, do they all know – do they know you're going on a date with me?"
"Oh, are wegoing on a date after all?"
"… you know what I mean."
"They know I'm meeting you, but I told them I would be using our time together
to discuss our burgeoning PFLAG club."
"They bought it?"
"Oh yes. It helps that that is one of my goals for the evening, actually."
"Thought we were gonna have fun."
"I can hear you pouting, David. And we will. But I'm not backing out on this."
"'Kay, we'll talk it over. So, none of them thinks it's a – a date?"
"Idon't think it's a date, considering the number of times you felt the need to
stress that it wasn't."
"Fancy –"
"Going!"
"Shit."
"…"
"See you later, then."
"…"
"I hope."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"You're face is gonna freeze that way, you know?"
Kurt looked up from the two belts he had been comparing, the dreamy smile he'd
been sporting for the last ten minutes fading into a frown.
"Like what?"
Mercedes clucked her tongue and walked over to him, snatching the darker belt
from Kurt's hands and putting it away.
"Smiling like that. All the time. This morning, I check my phone and there's
like, a hundred mini-freak out messages from you, so I come all the way over
here to find someone took my best friend away and left some kind of pod plant
behind. A dopey pod plant."
"I have no idea what you mean."
Mercedes shook her head, sharing a look with Rachel, who was sitting obediently
on Kurt's couch with her hands folded on her lap.
"And you're going out with Karofsky.What the hell happened to Blaine?"
Kurt blushed, pursuing his lips and folding his arms over his chest.
"Well, if you'd returned any of my calls from the last week, you'd know Blaine
and me are no longer a fixed item."
"What?"
"Ifyou had taken some time to text me back, you'd know I've been talking
amicably to David for some time now, and that we're not going out. We're
friends; we enjoy spending time together. I don't see anything wrong in that."
"You don't?"
Rachel looked at their perfectly mimicked poses anxiously: both had their hands
on their hips, their chests jutting out and their chins high up in the air.
"No, I really don't!"
"It's Karofsky! David Karofsky! A dumb, violent, homophobic bully!"
Kurt rolled his eyes and broke his stance, dropping his hands to smooth down
the fabric of his pants in a nervous gesture.
"People change."
"Right. You wanna fool yourself like that, I –"
"Finn changed, 'Cedes. So did Puck. And Lauren, and Quinn, and Santana. In
fact, all of us did. Even Sam. Remember how he didn't join at first because he
thought it would make him a loser?"
His best friend blinked and blushed slightly, all the aggression in her posture
suddenly gone.
"Why did you – What does Sam have to do with –?"
"Mercedes, I know. I think everyone does, and if they don't yet, they will
soon. You might think you're being discreet but you're about as inconspicuous
as Finn's dance moves."
Mercedes pushed her hair behind her ear and glared at Rachel, who nodded
frenetically.
"We didn't want – "
"To be just another statistic in the glee club's chart of doomed relationships?
I applaud your effort, but there's only so much you can do. The truth always
comes out in the end, for better or for worse. And it's not always a worst case
scenario; look at Tina and Mike!"
"Yeah, and look at Finn and Rachel." She turned to the silent girl at that. "No
offence, sweetie." Rachel shrugged. "And Finn and Quinn."
"That's because my stepbrother has the lowest level of relationship
intelligence aside from Mr. Schue. Look at Brittany and Santana."
"Kurt, they're not together."
"Oh, please. They're practically glued together. Besides, it's high school,
Mercedes."
"I know! We're not, me and Sam, we're not making this out to be some sort of
epic romance. But I really like him, Kurt. He's such a dork, and I love that
about him. Besides, he's totally hot," she said with a nonchalant shrug.
Kurt smirked, sitting down on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb the
gigantic pile of clothing that had collected there.
"Preaching to the choir, 'Cedes."
She shook her finger at him mockingly, but her smile slipped as Kurt's grew
when he took out his vibrating phone and read the new message. He looked up,
the new sparkle in his eyes fading as he took in her stubborn expression.
"Mercedes–"
"Kurt, that boy made your life miserable!"
"Mercedes."
"Didn't you use to have bruises from all those times he pushed into the
lockers?"
"Finn nailed my lawn furniture to the roof. He threw pee balloons at me. Puck
used to push me into lockers almost as much as David, to say nothing of the
swirlies and the constant slushying."
"Still, I – "
"But we forgave them. I can safely say I love Finn." He rolled his eyes at his
friend's expression. "As a brother, a real one. Why can't David change?"
"I'll believe that when I see it."
"Who says he hasn't yet?"
"What, he gave you the same speech he gave us all in glee? That was all
Santana, and you know it."
Kurt glanced at Rachel, who opened her mouth only to close it immediately
after. Kurt shook his head in confusion and looked back at Mercedes.
"I have no idea what speech you're talking about, but I believe in Dave. I know
he can change. He already has."
The black diva sighed in frustration and held her hands up in surrender.
"Fine, Kurt. It's just – you've been acting weird lately, that's all."
"Well, you wouldn't think it was weird if you'd bothered with checking up on me
once during the last two weeks."
"So I can't have a boyfriend? That's it, isn't it? When youwere all over
Blaine, it was only "Blaine did this" and "Blaine said that" every time we hung
out, and now –"
"Of course you canhave a boyfriend! And I wouldn't mind at all hearing you gush
about him, Mercedes, but I haven't heard from you at all, so forgive me if you
missed any recent updates in my life."
Mercedes scowled and turned away, heading for the door.
"Fine. We've been here for two hours, tried every combo and then some, and you
can't make up your mind. That's fine. But if that means your pre-PFLAG meeting
with Karofsky is really a date, I don't want any of it, Kurt. Blaine is a
really nice guy and I can't believe you're dropping him for that… asshole, of
all people. So I'm just gonna go downstairs and watch some zombies get their
due."
Kurt glared at her retreating back and sneered, muttering to himself. Rachel
eyed the boy cautiously as Kurt turned to his closet and started hanging back
clothes in no discernable order. She got up, smoothing down her skirt, and
walked over to him, placing on hand one his forearm. He turned at that, taking
in her sympathetic look and the absurdly clashing gold star pin on her sweater.
He sighed and put down the clothes he'd been manhandling.
"She's right. What am I thinking, of course he will never change as much as I
need him to, how –"
"Kurt –"
"I don't even know what I'm doing any more –"
"Kurt –"
"Dressing up? It's not even a date, for all I know he'll show up in that letter
jacket and those baggy, awful jeans, with a slushie in hand aimed at my hair!"
"He's not."
Kurt glanced at her, his eyes a little wild.
"How would you know?"
"I'm very observant. Also, I overheard Finn talking to you in my bathroom just
the other day."
"You were eavesdropping?"
"He was very loud," she said, her eyes widening.
Kurt closed his eyes in mortification and let his head fall back slightly.
Rachel smiled and patted his shoulder reassuringly.
"It really is fine, Kurt. And you should see my bathroom; I think you'd love
it."
He chuckled and sat down on the bed again, patting a spot on his left; Rachel
pushed aside a bundle of scarves tangled together and sat beside him, bumping
their shoulders together.
"I'm so – confused, I think. At times I want nothing more than to smack him as
hard as I can, which isn't much. And other times, I just want to –"
"What?"
"Sneak out at two AM."
Rachel's brow furrowed in bemusement and Kurt gave a little sigh, waving it
off. She nodded to herself and leapt of the bed, plunging into the closet and
starting to take out piece after piece, examining them with a critical eye.
"Rachel?"
"Yes?"
"What do you think you're doing?"
She paused and looked at him innocently.
"Helping you with your outfit?"
"No."
"Kurt –"
"Rachel, you're a sweetheart when you're not being creepily obstinate or
sending people to random crack houses, but your fashion sense is below zero."
"I – "
"Your headband has a plush elephant head sewn on it."
"It's a fashion statement"
"It's a fashion suicide. In fact, fashion has left it for dead, and now it's
just a poor, sad little plush elephant agonizing all over your hair."
Rachel pressed her lips together but kept taking out fitted sweaters and skinny
pants one after the other. Kurt shook his head and took out his phone, glancing
through David's old messages. Most of them were only one sentence long, simple
things like "I'd kill for a grilled cheese" and "Laundry sucks ass", or "You
know when someone trips right in front of you? And you tell yourself not to
laugh right the fuck now? Yeah, that doesn't work", but they always managed to
warm Kurt thoroughly. He skipped to the last one ("Milk went bad. Drank it. If
I don't show up, you know what happened") and felt a familiar tug in his chest,
something that seemed to pull in all the blood in his body and give it back a
few degrees warmer.
"'Cause when you're in love you do things you never thought you would."
The phone calls were even worse. At first he had felt touched by David's words
of praise, but thought it impossible to keep his temper in check when the other
boy's easy trigger jumped at the slightest provocation.
"So, if I it had been me joining glee club last year instead of Hudson –"
Now, it felt exactly as if David was finger-banging his heart with every little
sigh, with every ragged breath and every strangled syllable.
"You're special."
He had no control over himself, over what he wanted – and couldn't want. Every
time he let his mind wander he caught himself replaying David's drunken
fantasies; every time he let his handswander – well, that was a different
matter altogether.
"You like it, don't you? That I want you so fucking much?"
He had tried to convince himself it was only lust. Teenage hormones gone astray
when they found no outlet in Blaine's controlled ministrations.
"I really want to kiss you right now."
That didn't explain the way his facial muscles hurt at night because he had
smiled too widely and too much throughout an hour conversation with David,
though.
"I'm not sorry you don't love Bland."
Nor did it explain the literal gut-wrenching feeling he got whenever one of
them snapped and the call ended badly. And the blinding relief when they
managed to patch things up again and again.
"Don't… don't hate me.Please."
He started when Rachel shook his shoulder gently.
"W-what?"
"I said, why don't you try this one? I think it might be exactly what you're
looking for."
He glanced at the clothes in her hands, surprised to see the outline of a well-
put together albeit too soft-spoken outfit.
"I thought you wouldn't want to go too casually provocative as it might suggest
things you're not ready for. I also took into account that David is deeply
closeted and might feel threatened by one of your more risqué choices. Besides,
I think he'd rather see you than your outfit." She tucked one strand of hair
behind her ear somewhat nervously. "And the shirt matches your eyes?"
Kurt took the clothes from her arms and laid them out on the bed, caressing the
silky material of the shirt with two fingers. Rachel watched him expectantly.
"Well?"
"Isn't it a bit… bland?," he said, fighting off the giggle bubbling up in his
throat.
"Try it on."
He nodded and she turned around immediately, covering her eyes with her hands;
Kurt rolled his eyes but smiled good-naturedly. Pulling up the pants he winced,
berating himself for the extra slices he'd taken from the pizza Puck and Finn
had ordered.
"I'd get down on my knees for you, Fancy, and I'd suck you right through your
tight little pants till you were coming in them."
Kurt blushed; no, a hard-on was not what he needed right now – the pair Rachel
had picked out was already confining enough. He shook himself, going back to
that one Saturday when he had come home from Mercedes's earlier than he was
supposed to and found his father and Carole on the couch and – yes, it always
worked so well. He put on the dress shirt with a pleased sigh, fingering the
nacre buttons as he fastened them.
"Love that shirt."
I love this one, David. I hope you like it.
Looking back at the bed, he frowned.
"Rachel?"
"Yes?"
"Where's the rest of it?"
"Of what?"
"Of my outfit, that's what."
"It's all there."
"No, it – oh, turn around."
Never uncovering her eyes, she turned her head.
"Are you decent?"
"Rachel!"
She giggled and turned to him, smiling approvingly. He didn't return it,
letting his hands fall to his hips and cocking his head to the side.
"Well?"
"What else do you need?," she asked, the corners of her lips quirking up.
He threw his hands up in the hair with a huff and pointed back to himself.
"Everything! I feel… naked!"
"I thought David would approve."
"Rachel Berry! You have been spending entirely too much time around my
stepbrother."
She grinned and went to him, popping open the first three buttons of the shirt,
letting the collar fall open. Taking one of his clothed arms, she rolled the
sleeve up to his elbow, folding it there neatly. She did the same to the other
one and stepped back, nodding.
"Now I feel less than naked."
Rachel sighed noisily and took his hands, pulling him towards the full-length
mirror. He wrinkled his nose and inspected his reflection with a critical
frown: the clinginess of the dark blue silk shirt; the pasty whiteness of the
skin peeking out from behind the collar folds; his scrawny, almost hairless
forearms in stark contrast with the darkness of the whole ensemble. Kurt sighed
internally. As to that, there was nothing he could do. If David was looking for
tanned and buff he'd have to look somewhere else.
And he might. You can imagine all you want through the phone, but when face to
face with the real thing –
He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, shaking off uninvited thoughts. His
legs looked longer than usual, though, since the line of the black pants went
on uninterrupted by other layers. Kurt quirked his brow and turned, looking
over his shoulder; he flushed slightly, realizing he was checking out his own
ass and imagining it was from Dave's perspective.
"Okay, so you did an acceptable job. But, sweetie, you can't accessorize to
save your life."
Rachel clasped her hands together, her award-winning smile flashing too bright
for Kurt's poor mirror.
"But that's exactly it, Kurt! David already knows you have great fashion sense;
he needs to see behind that. No, leave those buttons alo–" she started, seeing
him fumble with the collar. "There, three is just the right amount. One is too
up-tight, two and you're a tease, three is confident and four is slutty. You'll
have plenty of time for four once your relationship progresses."
"And five?"
"Well, do you want condoms to go with that?"
Kurt laughed and let his hand fall. He had actually been going for just one
button open, two at the most, but he could see Rachel's point. He wanted to
show Dave that he – that he could beall that the jock fantasized about and
more. And even if Dave had mentioned liking his clothes, he did seem to think
less was better.
"Get you out of those fucking clothes, but I'd leave your shirt on."
Maybe he should put on his Likes Boys t-shirt. And take off everything else.
Bad Kurt!
He swallowed and went to the closet, taking out a belt and his shoes. He looked
longingly at his scarves drawer but closed the door firmly, hiding the contents
from view. He knew this wasn't only about him. He wanted to please Dave – not
with some three-figure garment but with himself. It wasn't a fashion statement
he needed today – he wasn't sure what it was yet, but it had plenty to do with
Dave's laugh over the phone and the ghost feeling of his hands over Kurt's
skin.
"Do you want him to kiss you?"
Kurt choked on his own indignation and stared at Rachel incredulously. She
blinked and stared back, her face the definition of earnestness.
"Do I – Rachel!"
"Do you?"
"I – I – no!"
"Oh. Alright then," she said, moving to button up his shirt again. He batted
her hands away with a huff.
"Stop it, you deranged hobbit woman."
"You shouldn't lead him on, Kurt, it isn't right."
"I'm not – there's no leading anywhere, here. We're going out as friends. He
said so himself."
"Before or after you got him drunk and molested him over the phone?"
Kurt's eyes bulged and his mouth fell open.
"You – you heard that?"
"My house has got perfectacoustic."
"Your boyfriend is dead."
"And he kissed you? I'm guessing before you went to Dalton. Or was it after?"
He bit his lip and sat down on the edge of the couch, careful to avoid
wrinkling his clothes.
"Before. He – that's how I knew about him."
Rachel sat beside him, turning sideways so she could see his face clearly.
"When?"
"The same week I went to "spy" on the Warblers."
"Oh."
"I'm not – I'm not cheating on Blaine, Rachel."
"If you were, it's not like I have the moral grounds to blame you," she
whispered, casting her eyes down.
"I'm not. We broke up. I mean, we said we were only taking some time apart, but
we both knew exactly what it was. And no one will believe me because Blaine is
so perfect, and why would Kurt Desperate-For-A-Boyfriend Hummel ever give him
up?," he said snidely, examining the shine of his patent leather shoes.
"I believe you," said Rachel quietly. "I heard you talking to David, Kurt. I
saw you. You had this look on your face… like everythinghe said was vital and
you couldn't afford to miss out on a single syllable. And you kept touching
your hair and your lips, and crossing and uncrossing your legs, as if he could
see you. You were outright flirting with him and he wasn't even there."
Kurt put his burning face in his hands and groaned, making Rachel giggle. She
got up and started folding and hanging his clothes, taking advantage of his
distressed state to ignore the inflexible color vs. brand scheme. Hopefully, he
would come back later that night so full of bells and fireworks that he
wouldn't pay it any mind. She looked back at Kurt, who was now tugging at the
shirt collar absently and took pity on him. As she rummaged through the
remaining pile, her eyes caught a warm golden glow. When she rescued a trench
coat style leather jacket, she smiled triumphantly at the phrase etched in bold
sketchy dark gold letters across the front.
"You should take something warmer, it might get chilly. Here," she said,
placing it over his shoulders.
Kurt looked up numbly and then looked down, grabbing the smooth lapels. His
eyes widened and he glanced at her fondly, a steadily growing grin illuminating
his face.
"I take back half of everything mean I've ever said to you, Rachel."
"Just make sure to pinch Finn the next time he so much as looks sideways at
Quinn."
"Will do," he assured her seriously, fastening the jacket's belt around his
waist.
"But you really should take it off as soon as you're with David, Kurt."
"Why? It's fabulous!," he whined, twirling around for good effect.
She laughed and clasped his hands in her own, pulling him to a stop.
"He'll be too intimidated. Dressing simple and showing some skin is not just
about being sexy, Kurt, it's about being vulnerable. Which, in a roundabout
way, makes yousexy."
He bit his lip and looked down again, his shoulders slumping.
"Really?"
"Really. Use your jacket, 'own it'. But let David see you."
"What if –," he stopped himself, pulling away from Rachel and playing with the
belt strap nervously.
"Kurt?"
"What if he doesn't like what he sees? What then?"
"He will."
"You can't promise that."
"I can! Kurt, you're one of those people who could walk around in a dirty trash
bag and still look like you just hopped off the runway. Why do you think that
is?"
"I have flawless fashion sense and a perfect eye for color and fabric
coordination."
"That too, but –" She hesitated and pointed at her headband. "See this?"
Kurt nodded with distaste.
"Brittany has one just like it; only it's a zebra head instead of an elephant."
He opened his mouth to protest then closed it, his eyes flashing in
realization.
"So I get your point. Fine. That's exactly why I should be dressing up, not
down."
"No, you don't get it. It's you, Kurt. Not your jacket, or your sequined pants
or your bowties. You."
"Dave said he liked my clothes."
"Of course he does. Who doesn't?"
He just stared at her.
"Aside from ignorant homophobes who wouldn't know a good thing if they were
slushied in it?"
"Point taken."
"See?"
"So, what you are saying is that I could wear nothing but a dish washing rag
and David would still – he wouldn't turn me down?"
"Yes. I think turning you down would be the very last thing in his mind,
actually."
Kurt clasped his hands together and grinned.
"Let's get this show on the road, then."
As if on cue, Bad Romance started blaring from where he'd left his phone on the
bed. He ran to it, making Rachel smile and shake her head when he almost
tripped on the rug.
"Dave?"
She watched as he neatly put away the rest of his clothes, all the while
talking animatedly into the receiver of the phone tucked between his ear and
his shoulder.
"I'm not spending our friends-date in the emergency room, David."
Rachel tilted her head in confusion as Kurt's eyebrows almost hit his hairline.
"I'm sure. Why don't you save it for later? We'll buy you a nice bottle of aged
red wine and some crackers to go with it."
He smirked, his hip jutting out as he paused to access the state of his hair in
the mirror.
"I'll buy you popcorn."
"He should buy, Kurt. He did invite you," she whispered, covering her mouth
with her hands when he brought a finger to his lips, shushing her.
"Too bad. Are you ready?"
Kurt shook his head in annoyance as he hung the last pair of skinny jeans.
"David…"
He grimaced slightly, closing the closet door with unneeded strength, making
Rachel wince.
"No."
From the living room came a loud celebratory yell and Kurt slapped his hand to
his forehead, recognizing Finn's battle cry.
"I've got an overprotective dad, an overbearing, self-entitled big brother, and
plenty of jock friends who still feel incredibly guilty for not sticking up for
me when I actually needed them to. Oh, and Lauren."
He smiled, tapping his lips with two fingers.
"You'd better not stand me up, then."
One of his hands went to his waist as he leaned against the wall and cocked his
hip, his stance half of what Rachel had come to recognize over the years as the
trademark Kurt Hummel 'Really, bitch? Really?' pose.
"Believe me, Karofsky, if you don't show up promptly at seven o'clock, my
family and friends will be the least of your problems."
Rachel inched closer to Kurt, trying to remain quiet as she strained to hear
David's side of the conversation.
"Let's just say I know my way around a car engine and leave it at that. You'll
be up to your eyes in maintenance payments before you even get it running."
His lips quivered and he fingered a wayward strand of hair, pushing it away
from his forehead. He bent his knee, bringing his foot up to rest against the
wall.
"Mm-hmm."
Kurt tilted his head to the side, one of his eyebrows shooting up.
"Oh?"
His cheeks tinged pink and his eyes glimmered, unadulterated glee showing clear
in his face as Rachel watched dotingly, all thoughts of eavesdropping forgotten
for the moment.
"… why didn't you?"
He noticed her then and glared, waving her away. She blinked innocently and he
narrowed his eyes, but whatever David was saying caught his attention.
"Oh."
Kurt swallowed and pressed his lips together, flushing hotly. A small, annoyed
sound escaped from Rachel's throat, frustrated as she was by only being able to
understand half of the conversation.
"I'm – I'm ready now, if you –"
"Ready for what? I honestly don't think you're ready for anything so soon,
whatever it is, Kurt," she whispered fiercely, causing him to bare his teeth
and mime a growl.
"Oh. Oh, alright. Shut up, Rachel."
"No I won't! Do you want me to call Finn up? What is he saying?," insisted
Rachel, tugging on the sleeve of his jacket.
"Unfortunately, yes. Go away, you excessively talented pixie."
He pushed away from the wall and dashed for the bathroom, locking himself
inside, leaving her behind him with her mouth gaping open.
"I was talking to Rachel, of course."
Kurt grinned as he sat on the edge of the tub, his right hand coming up to rest
against his neck.
"I don't think anyone could ever mistake you for a pixie, Dave."
Rachel was knocking on the door, light but persistent enough to be infuriating.
He cupped his free hand around his ear and turned away from the door, trying to
hear David clearly.
"What? David, I –"
Kurt huffed. There he went now, raising up a storm over whatever his mind had
gotten stuck on.
"David!"
Maddening, that's what he was. Such a… such a boy.
"You don't want me to get mad at you today."
Kurt stood up, taking a deep breath, and risked a glance towards the mirror. As
he feared, his face was blotchy; ugly, uneven red spots burned against his
natural paleness. Personally, he blamed David.
"Because – oh, I'll see you later. I mean, in a while."
He reached for his moisturizer and started working on his face, trying to bring
down the color a bit.
Stupid boys with stupid hang-ups and stupid laughs and stupid sex voices.
"Yes?"
The jar fell on the porcelain basin with a harsh clash. Kurt turned around,
searching frantically for some kind of Big Brother device.
"Oh, shut up, you know you're perfect."
He gulped as the memory filled his brain in surround sound and faced the mirror
again, reaching down to grab the jar with trembling fingers.
"You'd better not be."
The nerve of him. Stupid sexy boy with the stupid habit of saying the stupidest
thing at the stupidest moment.
"Bye, David."
From outside came Rachel's muffled sugary pleas for him to unlock the door, but
he ignored her. No matter how much of a darling she'd been so far, he'd rather
converse with David with no interference. Even if the latter was being a
complete poophead.
"Now?"
Kurt put away the moisturizer again and inspected his face closely. Marginally
satisfied with the result, he stepped back and reached for the hairspray.
What if he wants to –
An interesting mental picture of Dave breathing hotly in his ear, whispering
dirty little nothings while running his fingers through his hair came to him
suddenly, making him grab instinctively for the cold edge of the washbasin
before his knees gave out completely. His brain went into autopilot.
"You'd better not be talking and driving."
David's answer only worsened his 'problem'. Kurt's eyes bulged; it felt like
his blood was being alternatively frozen and defrosted, then boiled over
without mercy. A clear memory flashed back to him.
"Alright, Bossy."
No.
He couldn't.
He would have said something by now.
If only to gloat or condemn Kurt's behavior.
"What!"
He breathed in harshly.
"Talk to me, Kurtie."
"David!"
Only silence answered him. Kurt stared at his phone in disbelief.
"You look so beautiful when you beg, Fancy."
The floodgates were open now – he couldn't get off this ride to save his own
life. He pressed his back against the cold tiled wall and slid down, spreading
his legs the second he hit the floor.
"Inside you."
Kurt gnawed at his own lip desperately and popped open the top button in his
pants. He spied his jacket mournfully, but he had already worked himself into
too great a frenzy to take it off now. Or his shirt, for that matter. He opened
the other button and pulled his zipper down, bringing back a foggy image of
Dave lying on his bed, hand reaching down to copy Kurt's movements, thrusting
up his hips and moaning Kurt's name shamelessly.
"Da-vid…," he whispered, biting the inside of his cheek so hard he felt hot
tears bursting from his eyes.
"Wanna know what I'd do next?"
"Y-yes," he muttered shakily, painfully aware of the possibility that Rachel
might not have left his room yet. He rubbed himself through his underwear,
throwing his head back when his thumb grazed the still clothed head of his
cock.
"Make me so hot, Fancy, hot for you."
Kurt rolled his hips and slipped his hand under the waistband of his briefs,
cupping it around the hard, impossibly hot flesh. He fisted his length harshly,
willing himself to get it over with as fast as humanly possible.
He couldn't come like this, he realized with a start; he had no clean change of
underwear in the bathroom. With a low whine, he pulled out his cock, harder
than he remembered it ever being, and hissed at the sudden brush of cold air.
"I'd push you up against the lockers, your fucking legs over my shoulders and
I'd lick you clean."
He rocked into his hand frantically, feeling himself twitch and jump every time
Dave's low tones rang clear in his ears. His thumb brushed in steady circles
just below the head, massaging the underside. He brought his free hand to his
mouth, sucking in two fingers. His head banged against the wall as he imagined
it was David he was sucking off; David's cock and David's fingers, getting them
nice and spit-wet for the jock to push them against the hot, needy skin of his
hole.
"So fuckinghot."
His movements grew hasty and jumbled, desperation taking over. He let his
fingers slip in and out of his mouth sloppily, making his lips shine obscenely
with saliva. He bucked up, fucking his hand in earnest now, matching the rhythm
to that of the two, now three fingers fucking his mouth. His tong was lapping
messily at them and Kurt shivered violently at the sheer dirtiness of the whole
act.
"Wanting me inside you, so I'd bend you over the bench and fuck you till you
couldn't remember your own fucking name, Kurt."
Kurt bit back a moan and pushed forward until he was kneeling on the hard
floor, then spread his legs as far as he could with his pants still on and sat
back on his heels. His head fell back against the wall as his long fingers slid
out of his mouth with a wet pop; he reached back around his hips and slipped
his fingers inside his pants, his whole body convulsing as they circled his
hole, slicking it. One of them pressed hard against the tight muscle and he
tightened his grip around his cock, turning his head to the side until he could
feel the cool tiles on his feverish skin. His nipples were hardened little nubs
rubbing wonderfully against the silky fabric and he would give the world to
touch them, but there was no way he was ruining this shirt.
"Naked and still wet from your shower –"
"Ungh, Dave," Kurt mumbled, honestly not giving a single fuck if Rachel was on
the other side with her ear stuck to the keyhole.
"– squirming and twisting under me –"
His hand was a blur on his cock; his finger was pushing inside, making him
shove back to pull it in and then forward, fucking his fist with harsh, shallow
movements.
"–letting me put my hands all over you –"
"Fucking do it…so hard, god, David…," he sobbed, licking away the salty tears
running freely down his cheeks. His finger went in to the first knuckle, then
to the second. He bounced on it as he could, riding his hand like a veritable
slut.
"–hard forme–"
"Yesss," hissed Kurt, letting his eyes flutter closed. The pressure at the base
of his spine was unbearable now, the heat pooling in his abdomen spreading
throughout his groin and inner thighs like wildfire. He spread the pre-come
over the slit of his cock with two trembling fingers, shaking like a leaf at
the slickness of it.
"– moaning and begging formeto touch you –"
"Touch me, Dave, please… Want you… so much. With me, David, please… so full… so
fucking hard and open for you…"
"– to kiss you –"
Kurt pulled away from the wall and aimed shakily for the floor tiles, feeling
the tell-tale tightness in his balls. He was fingering himself to the point of
soreness now, but the lines were so close that they had merged, and he couldn't
tell the difference between pleasure and pain anymore than he could bottle up
the whimpers flowing out of his mouth. He clamped down when the tip of his
finger brushed his prostate at the same time his other hand twisted at the base
of his cock.
So close…
"– to fucking make youcome."
"Fuck, David!"
His back arched in a rigid bow as he came all over the white tiles, his vision
whiting out for a glorious second. Regret and embarrassment immediately
followed, spoiling his after-glow. He averted his eyes as he tucked in his
softening spent cock and pulled up the zipper with unsure hands.
Kurt got up slowly, wary of his unsteady legs, and risked a quick glance at the
mirror. His cheeks were a full-blown red and his eyes were bright with recently
shed tears. Their tracks had long ago dried on his skin. He sighed quietly and
moistened a washcloth, sweeping it over his sweat-damp face. A peek at the wall
clock told him that no, he did not have time to go through his usual skincare
routine.
When he had achieved a certain level of composure he unlocked the door and
pushed it open, dreading Rachel's impending assault.
Which never came. His room was deserted; his whole body slumped as the post-
orgasm relaxation finally kicked in. He shook off the torpor, putting on the
belt he'd forgotten on the bed and grabbing his wallet. With one last touch to
his hair, he left the room and trotted downstairs.
The living room had been turned into a refugee camp over the previous three
hours. Finn and Puck were sprawled on the couch, popping chips and root beer
like the zombie apocalypse was nigh. Sam and Mercedes sat on the floor next to
each other, careful not to step too obviously over the just-friends line.
Rachel was curled in herself on the love seat, scribbling furiously on her
lyrics notebook. Kurt smiled secretively and took of his jacket, draping it
over his shoulder; there was something about coming his brains out on his
bathroom floor with Dave's name on his lips that made him feel… well, sexy. He
adjusted the collar, smoothed out any imaginary wrinkles and went to stand
behind the couch, slapping Finn's greasy hand which had been close to leaving
its imprint on it.
"Wha – Kurt!"
Rachel's head shot up and Kurt steeled himself for a hint, a flash of something
on her face that told him she had hung around long enough to hear anything, but
nothing showed. She smiled widely and held her hands to her heart dramatically.
"Dude," said Puck in a tone that made Kurt want to skip around the living room,
flailing his arms in delight. He followed it with a long whistle; Kurt rolled
his eyes and waved him off, hiding his glee at managing to get hit on by such
an overtly straight stud.
"Kurt?," said Mercedes in a tentative tone. Kurt looked at her and mouthed
'later'; her expression faltered but she nodded. He smiled at his best friend
and winked, making her giggle.
"I don't know, I'm starting to think I should call Burt and ask him to come
home earlier –," started Finn, but stopped right on his tracks when he noticed
the murderous glint in Kurt's eyes.
"Just try it, Finn. We're clear, right? Mercedes, you need to leave before my
dad and Carole come back; he thinks I'm meeting you tonight."
"What are best friends for?," she quipped, and he took it for the peace-
offering it was.
"Thank you, sweetie. Alright, I'm going now. Have fun, but Finn, if the house
is gone when I come back, it's coming out of your allowance."
"Dude!"
"Dude."
"Thank you, Noah, that's enough now."
"No, I mean – Dude. You sure you don't want one of us going with you in case
Karofsky – "
Kurt sighed and rolled his shoulders, shaking his head at the former bully
turned self-appointed bodyguard. He locked eyes with Rachel who shrugged and
blew him a kiss, making him smile.
"Bye, people."
"Really, Kurt, we could –"
"Nothing, Sam, you could nothing."
"Dude."
Kurt laughed and skipped out, closing the front door softly behind him. As he
got into his car he mused to himself that if he could get that sort of reaction
from such and out and proud heterosexual like Puck, he had to be able to
squeeze one little compliment out of David.
He laid his jacket on the shotgun seat and started backing off into the road.
The nervousness over meeting David face to face for the first time after their
relationship had progressed so much was being easily buried under giddiness
over meeting Dave face to face for the first time after their relationship had
progressed so much.
"You're like, the easiest person to love, ever."
***** [Interlude: I Skip a Heartbeat] *****
Chapter Summary
     In which Kurt is hot and David is hungry.
Chapter Notes
     Dave and Kurt's full conversation.
"Dave?"

"Did you know that if you leave open milk in the fridge for long enough it
starts smelling like old cheese?"

"I'm not spending our friends-date in the emergency room, David."

"Reallysmelly old cheese. French stuff."

"I'm sure. Why don't you save it for later? We'll buy you a nice bottle of aged
red wine and some crackers to go with it."

"But I'm hungry now!"

"I'll buy you popcorn."

"You wanna be my sugar-daddy? Not sure I'm there yet."

"Too bad. Are you ready?"

"I still got an hour, don't I?"

"David…"

"'Fraid I'm gonna stand you up?"

"No."

"Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you, Fancy?"

"I've got an overprotective dad, an overbearing, self-entitled big brother, and
plenty of jock friends who still feel incredibly guilty for not sticking
up for me when I actually needed them to. Oh, and Lauren."

"Shit, Hummel!"

"You'd better not stand me up, then."

"Aww, stop. You're makin' me feel all tingly."

"Believe me, Karofsky, if you don't show up promptly at seven o'clock, my
family and friends will be the least of your problems."

"That so?"

"Let's just say I know my way around a car engine and leave it at that. You'll
be up to your eyes in maintenance payments before you even get it running."

"Better go get ready, then."

"Mm-hmm."

"Wanna know a secret?"

"Oh?"

"I've been ready for three hours now, Fancy. Called you before to know if you
wanted to meet a little earlier."

"… why didn't you?"

"You seemed busy."

"Oh."

"Fancy?"

"I'm – I'm ready now, if you –"

"Yes."

"Oh. Oh, alright. Shut up, Rachel."

"Fuck. She's still there?"

"Unfortunately, yes. Go away, you excessively talented pixie."

"Kurt?"

"I was talking to Rachel, of course."

"Figured."

"I don't think anyone could ever mistake you for a pixie, Dave."

"You done with the fat jokes?"

"What? David, I –"

"Yeah, whatever."

"David!"

"… what."

"You don't want me to get mad at you today."

"Why's that?"

"Because – oh, I'll see you later. I mean, in a while."

"Fancy?"

"Yes?"

"You look hot."

"…"

"Come on, I'm just playin'."

"You'd better not be."

"It's not like I can seeyou."

"Bye, David."

"See ya, Kurt."

"Now?"

"'M already in my truck."

"You'd better not be talking and driving."

"You're givin' me a lot of orders today, Bossy."

"What!"

"See ya, Kurtie."

"David!"
***** Doing All I Can Do *****
Chapter Summary
     In which Kurt is depraved and David is liked very much.
Kurt put his car in park and just sat in silence after the radio had shut off
and the purr of the engine had died down. Then, slowly and deliberately, he
banged his forehead against the steering wheel.
Go home.
He should. He should definitely start the car again, drive home as fast as
legally possible, flip off any smartass comment from the squatters camping out
in his living-room, climb into bed with a familiar-size tub of Chunky Monkey,
and wallow in his own cowardice. And then he would sleep for a week.
Sounds perfect.
"You look hot."
Kurt scowled. Imaginary Dave would have to do much better than that if he
wanted to win over Kurt Hummel; cheap flattery was not the way to go.
"Shut up, you know you're perfect."
Although he wasgetting there.
"I love you, Kurtie."
Of course, it was no heart rending, ten-page elegy; it was a drunken, snorted,
nigh unconscious four-word confession. Still, it had managed to push more
buttons and pull more on his heartstrings than Blaine's never ceasing flow of
"I love you" ever had. Honestly, it was as if the dam had broken after that
first afternoon and Blaine just could not get it under control. It had gotten a
little ridiculous.
It just.
It made no sense.
Kurt did still want his happily-ever-after. His true-love's-kiss. His freaking
soaring-finale-duet.
It just didn't seem very fair that the casting director had been drunk and more
than a little high when auditioning his love interest, and had apparently
assigned the role to a hopeless caveman instead of picture perfect Blaine
Charming.
Because, if Kurt was to be completely honest with himself, Blaine's spark had
been progressively drowsed between their well rehearsed – while slightly
lackluster – Candlesduets, and the anti-climax that was junior prom. Sure, he
understood Blaine's reservations and had felt touched by his offer to dance
with Kurt in front of an audience filled with closet-cases and/or hypocritical
homophobes, and he really, reallydid not want to sound like a whiny toddler,
but still. He had worked so hard on his outfit, and all that only to receive
warmer praise from his painfully straight stepbrother than from his own
boyfriend.
He wondered if it had caused any impression on Dave.
After all, aside from bold fashion statement, a kilt meant one thing – easy
access.
Bad Kurt!
And that would have meant no more zipper accidents for Dave.
Bad, horrible Kurt!
Kurt groaned and banged his head again. What was happeningto him? He had
resigned himself to being the nominal sassy asexualized gay friend to his
girlfriends – at least until college. And it was alright, he was finewith it,
it was safer, and cleaner and all around more wholesome that way. Dave's kiss –
he shivered, all the emotional baggage of the last weeks charging that memory
to an uncomfortably high (and tight) level – had done nothing but strengthen
Kurt's resolve to vow out any impulses more sexual than hand-holding.
Suddenly, Blaine. Blaine, with his easy touching and blatant flirting-that-
wasn't, to a boy who, more often than not, carefully wormed his way out of any
one-armed hugs from his stepbrother. So, yes, Kurt had jumped on that train and
strapped himself to the steam engine, intending never to look back. Like in any
self-respecting, cookie-cutter romantic comedy, after much trouble and
misunderstandings, he'd gotten The Guy, exactly when he was on the verge of
giving him up and moving on.
Blaine's hugs, Blaine's kisses, Blaine's strictly-above-the-waist policy and
Blaine's habits of bursting any personal bubbles he might come into contact
with had been the definite catalyst. That… and also the seven video files of
softcore porn Kurt had stashed away under a pile of folders in his computer.
Mostly fooling around – except for the one he'd actually purchased (which still
gave him terrifying nightmares of his dad going over Kurt's credit card
receipts), which featured things that still made him wake up at four in the
morning with pre-cardiac arrest and ruined pajamas.
That, above all, might be one of the reasons that had lead to the ultimate
demise of their relationship. In those dreams – or even in his late night awake
fantasies (which had, over the last weeks, relegated all other daily activities
to a neglected second place) – Blaine had never landed the starring role. Not
even during their rather short honeymoon phase, and certainly not after he'd
donned a fucking kilt to Prom and gotten no more than a chaste goodnight kiss
for all his trouble – after owning his coronation, he had really thought
himself deserving of at least a little groping.
And, whoa, was David having an influence on him or what?
With that thought came rushing back those ten seconds he'd been on the
imminence of dancing with David Karofsky, his mind still reeling with the boy's
heartfelt apology and with how downright dashing he had looked in his crown and
tux. He had shamefully anticipated the warm pressure of the jock's hand on his
waist, his other hand engulfing Kurt's own, standing so close but not touching
in a way that would have made Kurt's pulse quicken so wonderfully –
He shook his head and flicked a strand of hair away from his forehead. His
memory was playing dirty little tricks on him, again, and it was all David's
fault. He been much too busy holding up his no-fucks-to-be-given façade at
Prom, and he had been scared, and angry, and downright murderous, but he knew
he hadn't given much thought to Dave aside from twinges of disappointment. This
was all Dave's doing, taking liberties with his memories, making him sigh
longingly at thoughts of locker rooms. Not too long ago Dave had been Karofsky,
and Kurt himself had been fag, and it would do him good to remember that.
One more reason to go home.
David had been so sure Kurt would stand him up, so he wouldn't be disappointing
him, not really.
"You're kind."
Lots of people were kind; nursing home volunteers came to mind.
"And you care about other people's feelings."
Kurt scowled, rolling his eyes. Imaginary Dave certainly had a way with
buttons, didn't he.
"You should just ditch me."
He sat upright at that. What was he thinking? David had, a little suddenly
maybe, become Kurt's friend, and here he was, considering standing him up over
his own lack of an upright spine? No, whatever they said, Kurt Hummel was no
coward; Kurt Hummel had worn ten inch Gaga heels and a corset to school, for
god's sake, Kurt Hummel could very well reign in his issues and deranged
hormones if it meant being a good friend to someone who had opened up to him so
completely.
Feeling suddenly empowered, Kurt grabbed his jacket and hopped out of his car,
as sprightly as he could manage in his pants – Dave had better appreciate the
effort – pushing doubts, issues and Blaineto the back of his mind. He hurried
his pace, turning the corner to the parking lot he had so deftly avoided,
wanting the advantage of spotting Dave first.
And good thing he had, because oh boy.
He felt heat spreading from his chest in every direction, pooling under the
collar of his shirt, and he wanted to pop three, four buttons open, just strip
off the whole damn thing at once. He could feel arousal and embarrassment in
unhealthy, jumbled doses, and he felt it physically too, his cock twitching
uncomfortably as his face and neck started to heat up considerably. All that
blood had to be needed somewhere else – as if on cue his knees went on strike,
and Kurt had to breathe in hastily to regain balance.
Now, Kurt was the kind of boy who prepared. He made lists, and lists of lists
he needed to make – he had been halfway through an extremely complex chart for
this 'friends date' before Finn had threatened to make dinner if Kurt didn't
stop acting like a crazy person. Kurt had contingency plans for every cocktail
of feelings David Karofsky might inspire – except this.
He should have known, he really, really should, because honestly, it was almost
Pavlovian at this point, he would become half-hard just from Dave's ringtone.
And sure, Gaga was fabulous and worship-worthy, but still, he did not think it
was her giving him boners.
Kurt sighed, determined to soldier on, but, with every step he took, the
outline of Dave's lovely broad shoulders and even lovelier arms became clearer,
and Kurt could kill himself for not anticipating this. He had always pictured
Dave with his letterman (and that had been fodder for extremely graphic dreams
where he would materialize under Kurt's sheets wearing nothing but) and the
shock of seeing him out of it, leaning against the side of his pick-up like the
prototypical bad boy who reallyjust needed a little loving from a good man to
be reformed, thatwas proving to be the death of half his neurons.
But those shoulders. And those arms. He could see tanned skin and hard muscle
and oh god, was that his phone in his hands, the phone he had used to tell Kurt
of all the things he might do toKurt once Kurt gave him as much as a nod, and
there his blood went again.
He bypassed rows of cars in a half-aroused, half-mortified daze, barely knowing
to put one foot in front of the other, his mind replaying all those fantasies
that had entertained him at midnight, and at four in the morning, and at noon,
and that one time during dinner when he had seen one missed call from Dave and
had to excuse himself hastily, shutting himself in the bathroom and screeching
at anyone who might knock to just stay away from the curry. He hoped to deities
he'd never believed in that this thing would subside over the evening – he
hated sleeping in his jeans but there was no way he could work a zipper around
this particular situation. And he knew he was a teenager and therefore allowed
a level of depravity, but he had just taken care of it, damn it, he would end
up in a padded white room if he didn't get a hold of himself.
Dave turned slightly on himself, his shoulders hunching as he toyed with his
phone restlessly. Kurt frowned then stifled a gasp, rapidly calculating the
time he had lost with his personal time in the bathroom and his still personal
but less messy time in the car, wincing internally as he thought of David
waiting for him all that time, his barely contained insecurities probably
giving him hell.
He suddenly felt lower than filth, knowing how close he had been to doing just
what Dave expected him to, but obviously hoped against hope Kurt wouldn't.
Shame and self-hate started gnawing at him, feeling much like the morning after
The Incident– or, as Finn had grown fond of calling it, Dude, That Time When
Kurt Got Dave Drunk And Molested Him With His Phone, not caring how inaccurate
it was. Kurt squared his shoulders, breathing in and out a few times, telling
himself that he was here, that Dave had nothing to sulk and beat himself over
for.
He stole a look at his distorted reflection on the window of the nearest car
and started walking towards his date.
Non-date.
Dateable friend.
Oh, what-the-fuck-ever, he thought with a mental nod to Imaginary Dave.
Getting nearer also meant getting a eyeful of lovely new details, like the
exact measure of the curve of Dave's biceps peeking out from under the short
sleeves of his button-up, or the tense tendon of his neck that looked lickable
even from a distance, or the way Dave's hip was propped against the car's door
accentuating what had already caught Kurt's attention thanks to Dave's
thankfully not-too-baggy jeans – and okay, so Kurt was having a little
difficulty with looking past the eye-candy factor. As his eyes traveled up –
however slowly – he smiled sadly at Dave's bent head and slumped shoulders,
feeling the urge to pat his arm empathetically, or just draw him into his arms
and hold on for a while.
Depraved Kurt reared his head at that, but Rational, Reality-Bound Kurt brought
him down with a little remainder of how his bathroom indulgence had already
cost them a precious half-hour. To which Depraved Kurt would have responded
with flawless logic that it was as much Dave's fault as his, for using that
deep voice of his, and that audible smirk when he knew he was unsettling Kurt,
and Kurtie, though the jury was still out on the extent of Dave's knowledge on
that subject. Depraved Kurt would, but he was too busy ogling Dave's ass and
the back of Dave's thighs, and that is why, Rational Kurt states primly, that
is why you never win an argument, to which Depraved Kurt responds by
broadcasting a replay of their three nights ago entertainment, at which point
Kurt slaps himself mentally for almost triggering an internal bipolar sparring
session.
He sighed quietly, draping his coat casually over one shoulder in the carefully
rehearsed way he'd practiced so many times in front of his full-length mirror,
and inched his way over to Dave's over-sized black pickup. Which, according to
Dave's chance remarks, was most certainly not compensating for anything.
Kurt's heart tugged painfully when he saw the jock take one last look at his
phone before shoving it in his pocket with a worn sigh and a disheartened
shuffle of sneakered feet. With a last swift kick at prudency, Kurt leaned one
shoulder gently against the side of the pickup, jutting his hip out and cocking
his head to the side.
"Hi, David."
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Dave Karofsky was fresh out of luck.
Really.
First there was the gay thing, which, okay, biggest fucking joke the universe
had ever played on him, but he was coming to terms with it. Slowly, but he was
getting there. Porn helped a lot.
Then there was the Hummel thing – and, come on, he had honestly thought Hummel
was behind the first thing, manipulative little bitch that he was, until he had
caught himself checking out Puckerman's guns of all goddamn things on the
goddamn planet, and, yeah, that was it. Mea culpa,or whatever.
Then, as if it wasn't enough that Hummel was apparently his type, was very much
his type, he had to have it thrown in his face that he was not Hummel's type,
fuck you ever so much, that he could neverbe Hummel's type, that a fucking Ken
doll did more for Hummel than Dave could ever dream of. Except it didn't,
right, and hadn't that been a blast, that he could have that with Hummel if
only he had been nice, if only he had held out on the slushying, and the body
checks, and the general asshole-ness.
Whatever, right? He was probably better off without Hummel, anyway, the fucking
fairy.
Right.
The fourth proof that Dave was the unluckiest asshole in the world, that the
universe hated his guts, that he was better off unborn, was that he was
notbetter off without Kurt, he was betterwithhim. It felt like he needed Kurt
sometimes, not just for jerk-off material, but because the guy actually made
Dave like himself as a person, fancy that.
So, essentially, he was fucked if he fucked this up, and he was fucked if he
didn't, because there was no way in hell he was going to handle being
justFancy's friend once they were face to face and within touching distance –
hell no,not without a goddamn mental breakdown.
Yeah, the universe loved Dave.
The fifth proof? There was Kurt Fucking Hummel, smiling up at him coyly, as if
it hadn't been weeks since they had actually seen each other, as if he hadn't
left Dave waiting for a whole hour, sure that Kurt had thought better or at
all, that Hudson had come to his fucking senses and succumbed to the prolific
porn industry of stepsibling love, that Bland had finally decided toman the
fuckup, that Puckerman had taken in hands to show Kurt his other mohawk.
But no, Kurt was definitely there, in smoking hot looking flesh and blood, for
once not dressed in a way meant for making rainbows cry, but still looking like
he was worth the contents of the entire parking lot and then some. And there it
was again, that mix of humbleness and awe, an urge to simultaneously punch a
wall, burst into fucking song and kiss the hell out of Fancy at the same
fucking time, so that was familiar, at least. As was the certainty that he
would never, ever be good enough to earn this,no matter how much zombie makeup,
red berets or shiny knock-off crowns he put on. As was the need to either drive
off at suicidal speed like the coward he was, or claim Kurt properly, hoisting
him over his shoulder for good measure, and making Hudson, Bland andPuckerman
walk the fucking plank with swell new cement shoes.
Nothing new, then.
His mouth watered and he swallowed nervously as he took in Kurt. Really, didn't
the guy have a rifle-happy father to tell him that no, no fucking way he was
going out dressed like a fucking harlot, so go back inside and put inha on that
nice Eskimo overcoat I bought you, son.
"David?"
Dave started and gulped down a few incoherent ramblings, settling for a
noncommittal grumble. He looked down to avoid Kurt's worried face – and wasn't
that one of the perks of guys over girls, that there would be no boobs for his
eyes to stray too, except Kurt seemed to be making up for it hardwith his whole
goddamn body – and his eyes fell on a speck of pollen dust on the smaller boy's
collar.
Before his mind could tell his fingers to cut it the fuck out, they reached up
to brush it off, and he'd meant to do just that, really he had, he just hadn't
expected the fabric to be so fucking soft, nor could he have guessed that Fancy
would choose that moment to break his come-hither pose and step forward, his
chin brushing against the back of David's hand. His fingers were suddenly
stroking Kurt's neck instead of his shirt, and, for a split second, just a
goddamn glitch in the space-time continuum, he felt fucking happy.
He yanked his hand away. It was the locker room all over again, he was touching
what wasn't his to touch, what could neverbe his when it was Fucking Perfect
Bland's, and good thing it was, too. Dave could never be good enough for that,
no matter how many old grannies he helped across the street, or how many god-
awful stale cookies he sold.
He saw Kurt's lips part and, God help him, he had never wanted anything more
than to be able to push him against the side of his car, Fancy's legs locking
around his waist, his body arching up into Dave's, their mouths moving
together, open and slick and hot, and he would kiss Kurt so goddamn hard he
would be tasting Dave for weeks.
A car honked nearby and a group of teenage girls went by them giggling loud as
fuck, yanking Dave out of his dreamland. He shook himself and jerked his head
in the direction of the theatre. Kurt fell into step beside him as they started
walking away from the parking lot, awkwardness palpable all around them.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Kurt sneaked looks at his friend whenever he could, still not quite believing
his eyes. Dave looked so different from what he usually did at school and,
embarrassment aside, Kurt definitely approved. No letterman jacket, no
Bullywhip's beret, thank Gaga – in fact, all things considered, Dave had
dressed up. Kurt looked down at himself and gnashed his teeth, putting on his
jacket while issuing all kind of death threats at Rachel.
"Are you cold?" Dave asked quietly.
"Yes," lied Kurt. "This shirt is a little on the thin side."
"Oh." Dave shrugged needlessly and looked away, his face coloring slightly.
Kurt sighed in frustration. It shouldn't be so hard –
Oh, there has to be away to phrase that better.
- so difficult between them. Their conversations over the phone had never
stalled, so why should –
Kurt smirked winningly.
"Shit, should have turned that off, must be Az," muttered David when his phone
started ringing in his pocket. "It'll just be a sec, okay?"
Kurt nodded, still smiling, one hand buried in his jacket pocket.
David frowned at his phone and looked back at Kurt who was full on grinning
now, his eyes twinkling. Dave shook his head and rolled his eyes skyward, but
took the call.
"Hi, Dave."
"Hi, Kurt. Ugh, echo."
"Better now?"
"Fuck yeah. You're mental."
"Did I ever mention exactly how golden my payment plan is?"
At that Kurt faltered. He had mentioned that, only Dave wasn't supposed to
remember. He shot him a sideways look but the jock was still shaking his head
at him while smiling widely. Kurt melted a little.
"So, we're just gonna…"
"They might take away our phones at some point during the movie. But I say we
live dangerously."
"Pshyeah."
"Danger is my middle name."
"No it's not, it's E- something."
"Howwould you know that?"
"You signed one of your French tests Kurt E. Hummel."
"Really? Wait, how do you know? You weren't cheating off of me, were you,
David?"
"Me? Never."
Kurt huffed when Dave stuck the tip of his tongue out playfully.
"Then why were you looking at my test?"
"I was looking at you – y'know, anything's better than a fucking French quiz –
when you got up to hand it in. Satisfied?"
Not even close.
Bad Kurt!
"I guess that can be excused, then."
"Attention whore."
"Not a whore if it's being given away freely, am I?"
Dave smirked and held the door open for Kurt, who narrowed his eyes but
accepted the gesture for its intended value.
"I really hope you're not under the delusion that I'm the girl here, David."
"Hey, like I would cheat on my girlfriend like that."
"You and Santana are still –"
Kurt cupped his chin and slid his hand down as if stroking a beard. Dave let
out a muffled laugh.
"Nah, she dumped me after Prom or something. Said they wouldn't allow me at the
lesbian colony, anyway."
"I don't know, you might fit in. Some of them can be quite butch."
"Stereotyping much, Fancy?"
"Touché. So – movie?"
"Y'know, people are kind of staring now."
"As if none of them ever carried on a phone conversation within a two feet
distance of the other person."
"I know, right? Snobs."
"Hypocrites."
"Wanna hang up?"
Kurt chuckled and nodded.
"I'll do it first. To even out the score on the times you hung up on me."
"I don't know. You ain't got no clean rep sheet there, Fancy."
Kurt mock-gasped and waved at his own face.
"See this, Dave? This is the face of flawless politesse. I would never hang up
on anyone. Except if they reallydeserved it, obviously.
"Obviously. Go on, then, I know you're itching to give me just desserts."
"Oh, like this it's no fun. You should get me a little mad first."
"… yeah, cause that makes sense. I get you mad, you bitch my head off and then
hang up on me. Not really seeing how that works out well for me."
"Revenge, remember? Supposed to satisfy one party and leave the other wallowing
in frustrated resentment."
"A lot like sex, then."
"Oh?"
"Straight sex, I mean."
"And you would know thatbecause..."
"That's what my sister's rommie always says."
"Roomie? I thought you had a younger sister."
"Nah, that's Alex. Y'know, twelve, bitchier than you, and supreme ice queen in
training. Em, Emily, she's in college now."
"… bitchier than me?"
Dave smirked as they both leaned against the wall.
"She'd like you."
"I'll assume that you love your sister dearly and take that as a compliment."
Dave gave him a small embarrassed smile and looked away, eyes fixing on the
placard of movies showing that week. Kurt felt the familiar heat and pull fire
up somewhere inside his ribcage, and heaved a little sigh that David mightn't
have caught if it wasn't for the phone.
"Fancy?"
"S-sorry. I- I kind of drifted off here."
"Oh."
David was staring at him now, his brow furrowing slightly."
"Anything you like?"
"Wh-what?" stammered Dave, his face glowing red as his eyes widened and he
looked away hurriedly. Kurt raised his eyebrows, dumbfounded at this new
development.
"The movies. Is there any you'd rather-"
"Huh. Oh, I, yeah. Yeah, kinda, but we don't have to if you don't want, we
could –"
"Which one, David?"
"Hum, pirates?"
Kurt's left eyebrow quirked up and he grinned toothily.
"Aye, aye, captain!"
Dave laughed, full-bellied and carefree, and Kurt felt his toes curl at the
sound, the reflex travelling up to the pit of his stomach and expanding
deliciously.
"Sorry, Fancy. 'S just – y'know, you don't… you don't seem the pirate type,
that's all."
"Oh, really? What type amI, then, David?"
"I always thought you were kinda like a ninja."
"A ninja?"
Dave grimed, gesturing wildly.
"Yeah, cause, see, you're sneaky and like, totally ninja fast, and you seem
really tiny when you're not all up in my face, trying to poke my eye out with
your finger."
"I'll have to up the voltage on my outfits, then, if you think I'm conspicuous
enough to pull off a ninja act.
"Well, you did it tonight, didn't you?" pointed out Dave, embarking Kurt's
outfit with a wave of the hand not holding his phone.
Rachel Berry, off with your head!
"So sorry to disappoint."
"What?"
"I apologize for not meeting your standards."
"Seriously, Hummel, what is your hang up?"
"Excuse me?"
"Shit, see? We're fighting. Again. Gonna put me out of my misery now?"
"I –"
"Your clothes are fine, Kurt."
"God, fine. If by fine you mean they're so beige you could lose me in a crowd –
"
"No one could lose you in a crowd. You just – you stand out, okay? Cause you're
you. Hell, I bet they couldn't tone you down at Bland's robot school."
"You'd be surprised," snapped Kurt drily.
David glanced at him with guarded, serious eyes, his hand twitching nearer to
Kurt's.
"Guess you wouldn't make that good a ninja, then. But I bet you could put on an
awesome disappearing act."
"What do you mean?"
Dave shrugged, staring up at the dirty blackened ceiling.
"Keep expecting you to just take a good look at me and bolt."
"Bye, David."
"What?"
Kurt glared at him, arms crossed over his chest, his phone clipped shut in one
hand. David dropped his hand down and glared back.
"The fuck, Hummel!"
"You were being ridiculous. And I was getting mad really, really fast, so I
figured it was as good a time as any," snipped Kurt, pursuing his lips and
cocking his head to the side.
"Kurt, jus' – just look at you. Just take a fucking good look at you. I mean,
if, fuck, if only half the people in this cow town weren't so goddamn backward,
you'd be fencing of guys falling to their fucking knees to let you step on
them." Dave licked his lips, shaking his head at Kurt's skeptical look. "How
you haven't turned the whole fucking school gay for you I can't figure. I mean,
just, fuck."
Kurt snorted, his head still reeling from the half hissed compliments. At least
he hoped they were compliments, and not David's incredibly misguided way of
insulting him.
"You can't turn anyone –"
"Gay, I know, been there, fucked that, but –"
"No, David. Ihave been there, tried to do that. That kind of belief is what
causes straight guys to run for the disinfectant spray if we accidentally brush
shoulders in the hallway."
"Yeah, well, Hudson's a blind moron –"
"I would appreciate," said Kurt in a clipped tone, unable to stop the corners
of his lips from tugging up, "if you toned down the insults to my stepbrother."
Dave growled lightly, making Kurt shiver a little more than he would like, and
pushed himself off the wall, coming to stand in front of him, his hands balled
into white-knuckled fists beside his hips.
"Why? He was just as much an asshole to you as Puckerman, or any other jock!
He's just as bad as the rest of us, me fucking included! You shouldn't, shit,
you shouldn't waste your time on him, Kurt, he's not fucking worth the fucking
ground you walk on, okay, so why do you –"
Kurt held up his hand, halting David mid-speech.
"You mean you? You're not worth the ground I walk on?"
Dave set his jaw and looked down.
"I'm – I'm scum, Kurt. I thought I could, I don't know, I never fucking know
what I'm – make me better, you think you can, but you can't, Christ, you're too
–"
"Dave, stop."
"Too good for –" mumbled Dave miserably, "I mean, just, just fucking look at
you."
He spread his hands out between them, as if he could illuminate the difference
between the both of them.
"David, I'm serious –"
"You're so out of anyone's league here that you might as well be batting for
the other team."
Kurt saw red.
How dare he –
He pushed himself off the wall, smoothing down his pants with jerky movements.
"Where –" started Dave quietly.
"See, this is exactly why I'm glad I brought my own car. This way I can do a
proper storm off and leave all the awkwardness to you!" he spat, barely
managing to rule in his temper.
"Kurt –"
"No, you don't get to – Well, this has been just lovely, hasn't it? I mean, I'm
so happy you know enough about me, about my own feelings, about mymind, that
you can just go ahead and make all the hard decisions for me! It's so much
simpler this way."
"Jesus, Fancy, that's not –" risked Dave, his eyes widening as Kurt just ranted
away.
"No, no, I get it, I absolutely get it, David. You get to make all the calls,
and badmouth friends I happen to likevery much all you want, it's your fucking
prerogative. I'll just stand here and look pretty, shall I?"
"Look," hurried out Dave, before Kurt could regain his breath, "I'm sorry 'bout
Hudson, okay? I wasn't – fuck, I know he's your friend, I just –"
"And what makes you think I was talking about Finn, hmm? What gave you that
idea, was it your supernatural insight into my brain, or –"
"Goddamn it, Hummel, give it a rest already!"
"I was talking about you, you – you jerk! I'm sick of it, I'm so over listening
to you degrade yourself like that, and if I thought for one second that I could
beat you in a fistfight, Karofsky, you'd be on."
Dave just looked at him, his mouth gaping open. Kurt rolled his eyes, feeling
the fury ebbing out of him in waves, a vague frustration and something a bit
like longing filling the void.
"Well?" he said, a finger reaching up to poke Dave's chest.
The jock licked his lips, his gaze alternating between Kurt's finger on his
breastbone and Kurt's slightly open mouth. Misunderstanding the silence for
obstinate sulking, Kurt scowled and poked him again.
"Shit, Hummel, cut it out!"
"I will as soon as you apologize."
"For insulting yourfriend?" asked Dave lightly, a smile teasing the corners of
his mouth.
Kurt nodded tightly.
"A friend you like very much?"
The singer's crossed expression slipped a little at that, his finger shaking
slightly where it still rested just over Dave's furiously beating heart. He
nodded again, slowly.
"Do you like me very much, Kurt?"
Dave's eyes met Kurt's own insistently, and Kurt, much to his dismay, found it
impossible to look away. He felt pinned to the spot by those warm hazel eyes,
an expression he had, until now, never fully understood.
"Do you?"
Dave was so close Kurt could feel his breath in his cheek, how could he be so
close, Kurt's finger was still on his chest, they had to be at least one foot
apart. He looked down – his whole hand was now splayed over the thin fabric of
Dave's t-shirt, his palm pressed against a firm, warm, wonderfully male chest,
his blood humming along to the drum of Dave's heartbeat.
He looked up to find Dave's heavy lidded eyes inches away from his own. The
taller boy was staring openly at Kurt's mouth now, the tip of his tongue
sneaking out now and then to wet his lips. Kurt swallowed an embarrassing
whimper as he felt one of David's big hands rest on his hip, drawing him closer
if possible, the knuckles of his other hand brushing tenderly over Kurt's
cheek.
It might have been the locker room all over again, only it wasn't, god, it
wasn't. It didn't smell of dirty socks and stale sweat, it smelled of Dave's
faint aftershave, no-brand soap and skin, something musky and spicy-hot and so
decisively male again that Kurt's head was spinning, and if he could only get a
hold of himself for a moment he would be climbing this boy like a fucking tree.
Those were Dave's strong, callused hands, made for holding a football and a
hockey stick and Kurt's face in them. Those were Dave's eyes, shadowed in the
dim, purplish light of the theatre bar, boring down on Kurt's own, equal parts
of naked hunger and desperation swimming in them. That was Dave's chest under
his fingertips, Dave's lips mere inches from his, Dave's want and Dave's need,
fierce and real and out in the open for Kurt to take and do as he pleased, and
he would, he so would, because this wasn't Karofsky stealing his first kiss,
this was Dave –
"I love you, Kurt."
- this was Dave begging for a kiss with every word he wouldn't, couldn't say,
and this was to revulsion what gourmet cuisine was to Finn's grilled cheesus.
Kurt let his eyes fall shut and clenched his hand on the fabric of Dave's
shirt, and focused on being good, being the best fucking kiss Dave will ever
have. His forehead was furrowed in concentration, and he was ready, the
pounding of his own heart loud in his ears.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
Because Nature's laws are what they are, and symmetry, and shit Dave doesn't
know to care about, this is the sixth proof of the universe hating him, right
here, in Kurt's scrunched up panicked expression and strung-out body.
Fuck him. Fuck Hummel for looking so goddamn kissable like that, eyes screwed
shut as if waiting for a fucking punch in the face, his fist tight on Dave's
shirt, so tight he could be pulling him closer if Dave didn't know better, if
he wasn't so fucking certain that this. Is. Reality.
Not a goddamn wet dream.
So he pulls away, of course he does, Dave is a good boy, he's trying to be a
nice guy from the boy he was, and his hand slips down from Kurt's burning face.
He feels cold.
He feels so fucking cold, and alone, and blown out of his goddamn mind, so he
blinks once, twice, and coughs, putting as much space between them as he can
without seeming, well, rude.
"So, huh, pirates?" he whispers hoarsely, because words hurt in his throat,
everything that isn't Kurt's skin and Kurt's lips and Kurt's eyes hurts him.
He's just hoping, he's praying under his breath that Fancy will let this one
slide, that he'll understand, he's so fucking understanding all the time,
right, it usually skins Dave raw, but he'd give both his thumbs for a bit of
that now.
Kurt gapes at him a little and Dave braces himself. No rant comes out this
time, though. It seems like kissing Dave – or the threat of it, anyway – is the
key to shutting him up. Thank God for small favors, or something.
"I'll go get the tickets then," David says, one breath away from a nervous
breakdown, his eyes stubbornly fixed on a nasty looking spot on the wall behind
them. "You can get the popcorn. I mean, if you want. I know – I know I asked
you, but this isn't, this isn't a –"
"A date," breathes Kurt, and for a second, for just one tiny fucking second
Dave thinks –
No fucking way.
"Yeah. So –"
"You get the tickets, I'll get the popcorn, and we'll split dinner."
Dave's eyes widen, and he's so stunned that he forgets his resolve and stares
at Kurt in wonder.
"You want to – dinner?"
"Well what did you expect?" snaps Kurt, making Dave swallow because, yeah, that
totally isn't hot at all."I hate cooking late at night, makes me have Master
Chef nightmares. And I'm absolutely not making Carole get up and fix me
something. We'll go to Taco Bell, or that McDonald's down the street."
Dave stares some more before reminding himself that no, he's not a goddamn
fish, and he can just feel the sappy grin stretching across his face.
"You mean you don't – you really want to stay after the movie?"
"Go see to those tickets, David, before there is no movie for me to stay
after," cuts Kurt, and his tone is still sharp and he's rolling his eyes – but
he is rolling his eyes and bitchying at Dave, so something must be okay, maybe
Dave hasn't fucked everything just yet. He smirks at Kurt who just huffs and
waves him away, and if Dave isn't exactly happy, he's damn close to it.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Oh my God, Fancy, you're totally the mermaid."
"I will hurt you."
"Shut up, you totally are."
"Karofsky, you are treading on very thin ice here."
"'I don't ask for help!'
"You didn't seriously memorize the dialog, did you?"
"You protect –"
"You memorized the dialog."
"By the way, that last one? Would have gone down real nice with me. Some
appreciation for the muscle behind the Bullywhips and all."
"Lalalalala, can't hear you!"
"Okay, okay, I'll stop, don't get your panties in a bunch."
"You ran out of lines, didn't you?"
Dave grinned impishly and, shoving his hands deep in his pockets, started to
hum.
"Oh, kill me now. Now, wait, pluck out my eardrums and then kill me. Seriously,
if I never hear that song again in my life it will be too soon."
"Aww, Fancy got scared of the pretty mermaids."
"I don't know what movie youwent to, but I saw teeth. Canines where canines do
notgo."
"You're kinda grabby when you're pissing yourself in terror, d'you know that?"
"Shut. Up."
"Seriously, it's like claw marks on my arms. Allover. Creepy shit."
"They were mermaids. Mermaids! I mean, Ariel! Under the Sea!Where were the
jazzy sea-folk, hmm?"
"Ssshh, Fancy, it's okay. They're gone now."
Kurt quirked one deeply annoyed eyebrow at Dave.
"Well, at least you had fun."
"Mermaids, dude. Fucking mermaids."
"Oh?"
"How does that not spell awesome to you?"
"Man-eating mermaids."
"Hell yeah!"
Kurt chuckled and tugged on the hem of Dave's shirt, steering them in the right
direction. Dave let him, still feeling buzzed after two and a half hours
sitting in the dark with Kurt. And the man-eating mermaids.
"You have no self-preservation instincts, do you? They would have a field day
with you."
"Nah, see, there's the awesome part, cause, y'know, I wouldn't be, right, I
wouldn't be like those guys, I would be like "Yo, mermaids!" and they'd be like
"Gimme a smooch, stud!" and I'd be like "Hell no!" and they'd be like –"
"Ohmygod, stop, please, I think I just burst an artery –"
Dave smirked as Kurt bent over with his hands on his knees, shaking and
wheezing.
"And they'd be like –"
"Shut. The fuck. Up. David!"
"Okay, okay, don't hate."
"Gaga help me, if I hear the word mermaid come out of your mouth one more –"
"Mermaid."
Kurt lunged.
Or he tried to, but Dave caught him around the waist and took one step back,
still holding a kicking Kurt away from his body. Kurt was half hysterical
laughs, half murderous rage, and his arms were flailing, trying to hit Dave
anywhere, and Dave was grinning, wide and open, his hands tight on Kurt's
waist, and if each of them had presence of mind a thought my have crossed them,
This, right now, is happiness.
"Well, this is fun."
Dave's grin fell almost in slow-motion, at the same speed of Kurt's arms as
both their heads snapped up at the words.
Kurt blinked and swallowed drily.
"B-Blaine?
***** Just To Be Close To You *****
Chapter Summary
     In which Kurt is not crying and David is bewildered.
The crumbling of Kurt's entire world?
It's as simple as that.
Because it sure feels like it, with Dave's worried eyes on him, one of his
hands still brushing Kurt's waist, that slight tilt at the end of Kurt's name
that sounds like uncertainty and insecurity, and hope and blind trust, all at
the same time.
Blaine, of all people in Lima, of all people in the world, it had to be Blaine
walking into their theatre, it couldn't have been Santana, or Azimio, or the
hockey team, or Barbra Streisand.
Kurt Hummel prepares, but his lists and his charts did not prepare him for Dave
tonight, and they certainly did not prepare him for this sort of third degree
encounter. He doesn't know what to do with his body, where to put his hands,
how to work his voice, where to avert his eyes, he doesn't know what he should
do or what he is supposed to be doing right now, and he thought he had this
under control, he thought he had time, that he would come around to telling
Dave, and he would come around to smooth things over with Blaine, and, oh god,
will the ground just swallow him up now, please?
It fails to do so. And Blaine just looks at him blankly, composure turned
human, and Dave just looks at him. Kurt opens his mouth, but he still has no
ideaof what he should be saying, so he closes it again. It takes David clearing
his throat and stepping away from him – there's a patch of skin on his waist
that is the exact shape of Dave's hand – for Kurt to ground himself and force
some sort of sound out of his mouth.
He only hopes it's coherent.
"Blaine. Blaine, what – how – what?"
No, then.
Blaine stares at him, tilting his head in that infuriatingly cute way he has of
doing it, as if Kurt is some mildly interesting specimen.
"I called your house. Your father told me you had gone to the movies with
Mercedes." Blaine shot an appraising look at Dave. "I'm starting to think he
was mistaken."
Kurt gulps, pressing his nails hard into the tender skin of his palm. Dave
moves one more step away from him, but Kurt can't summon the courage to even
look up at him.
"How did you know – I mean, there are more theatres in Lima –"
"You always liked this one better, remember? The first time we went out.
Properly, that is," Blaine adds with a private little nod.
Kurt blushes, nodding quickly. He manages one sideways glance at Dave, but the
jock won't meet his yes. He is staring fixedly at Blaine, his face focused on
something that Kurt cannot make out.
"He wasn't doing anything wrong," he says suddenly, jolting Kurt.
Blaine turns his head to him, his eyebrows shooting up.
"Dude, we're just friends. We weren't doing anything, okay?"
Kurt had thought this was bad. Awkward to the extreme.
He had been wrong.
"Friends?"
"Yeah, friends. So you just –"
"Friends," repeats Blaine calmly.
"Yeah, that's what I said, but –"
"You and Kurt. Friends."
"Look, do you have some kind of hearing problem?" David steps forward, his face
a scrunched up mix of bewilderment and severe irritation.
"And why exactly would it be my business whatever you and Kurt are to each
other?"
"Fuck, are you thatslow? I know you're – together, okay, I'm not trying
anything here, we're just –"
"Me and Kurt are together?" Blaine furrows his brow contemplatively and Kurt
hates him, right there and then, hates him like he never thought he could hate
anyone, like he never thought he could hate Blaine.
Smooth, composed, gentlemanly, perfectBlaine.
Who is about to rip Kurt's little happiness spot with a few choice words.
"I see. Oh. It's like that guy who goes to a woman in a bar. He drops that line
he's been waiting to say all evening, but she takes one look at him, and says,
what does she say, oh, I know, 'I'm sorry. I have a boyfriend.'"
Kurt feels it inside.
He shouldn't, he barely knows David after all, half a dozen phone conversations
donot a close acquaintance make – but he feels it deep and raw and hurtful, and
he hasn't even looked at Dave yet.
"Blaine – "
"Isn't it, Kurt? There's no better way to dispose of an unwanted suitor, is
there? So clean and neat."
The theatre is emptying in slow but steady gushes of people. It's darker
outside, and Kurt wonders if he could pull that disappearing act Dave was
talking about and just be gone. Anywhere he looks he sees Blaine's dreadfully
blank eyes and he sees Dave's own, and there is a storm blasting in his face
that Kurt definitely did notprepare for.
And Blaine just keeps talking.
"See, David, Kurt and I broke up almost two weeks ago. So, unless he's managed
to get together with someone else in so short a time, he's very much single.
Totally available."
Dave looks ready to punch his face in. In all honesty, Kurt can't blame him. If
he believed in violence, he would be tempted to do the exact same thing. Then
Blaine gives Dave one of those smiles of him, the condescending-pitying-I-know-
so-much-better-than-you kind of smirk-smile, and Kurt finds himself starting to
believe.
But Dave backs off, and turns away from them, walking so fast he is almost
running towards the exit. Kurt blinks, startled, hisses a "Don't you go
anywhere" at Blaine, and runs out into the parking lot, the two seconds it
takes him to react already enough for him to lose sight of Dave.
He thankfully spots him by his pick-up and almost jumps in front of him.
Spreading his arms in front of the door is probably one dramatic touch too
many, but the situation demands it and, well, drama tends to calm Kurt down.
Dave shakes his head furiously and tries to walk around him, to no avail. He
growls, and if the situation wasn't so fucked up already, Kurt's knees would be
giving out. They buckle a little under him, nonetheless.
"Fuck off, Hummel."
"N-no."
Dave scowls at him and grabs for the door again, but Kurt swats his hand away.
He can see the tremendous effort Dave is making to not just push him away, not
to touch Kurt when he's like this, and it makes his heart clench. It probably
shouldn't; David is not doing anything particularly heroic, after all.
However, Kurt knows that, were the roles reversed, he would have already done
whatever he could to shove Dave out of the way.
"Get the fuck outta my face!"
Kurt looks up defiantly and shakes his head slowly, his heart drumming heavily
in his ribcage, but it isn't fear, or else, it isn't the fear he used to
associate with Karofsky. This is a whole new kind of panic, because he knows
Dave will cut off his own hand before he lays one finger on Kurt, and that,
right there, is what scares him. That he knows this. That Kurt would rather
have Dave punching him than leaving now, as if things weren't already confusing
enough.
"Kurt."
It's half hissed, half growled, but it's something.
"David, please."
"Don't push me, Hummel!"
Kurt falters at that, and his lips quirk up, because it's so ridiculous, and
messed up, and crazy insane right now, but he has found himself repeating those
same words over and over again these last two weeks, replaying that same scene
in his head with a thousand different outcomes, and it's almost like they're
reenacting one of his top ten fantasies right here in this filthy, overcrowded
parking lot.
Dave's frown deepens and he slams one hand on the truck's door, just beside
Kurt's head. Kurt's eyes widen and he flattens his body against the side of the
car. He doesn't know if it's this wild belief that Dave would never hurt him,
or if he has a secret masochist streak, but he can't help being a little turned
on. He licks his lips and lifts his chin high, staring fixedly into Dave's
eyes.
It's a challenge and he is just dying to know if Dave will rise up to it.
"Shit. Shitshitshitshit, fuck!"
He doesn't.
Kurt breathes out slowly and shakes himself, quirking one eyebrow at Dave who
is pacing furiously between a dirty Volvo and a rundown Mercedes. He looks like
a trapped bear in more or less fashionable clothing, and Kurt finds himself
smiling fondly.
David stops by the Volvo, his head hanging down and sighs, long and raspy,
kicking the pavement. He turns around and narrows his eyes at Kurt, who must be
completely out of survival instincts, because his smile insists on growing, and
it's probably pissing Dave off immensely, but he can't help himself.
"One of these days, Fancy, you're gonna get the trouble you keep asking for,"
murmurs Dave bemusedly, as he comes to stand three steps away from Kurt.
Kurt huffs and dusts his shirt off primly. He crosses his arms in front of his
chest.
"Can we be civilized now?"
Dave rolls his eyes and scoffs, which Kurt takes for an affirmative.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I honestly meant to."
"Right. Sure. Whatever."
"Da-vid-"
Dave runs a hand through his hair and sighs again, looking down.
"It doesn't matter."
"Of course it does. It very obviously does."
"Look, it's none of my business –"
"Oh my god, Dave, stop! Can we please – can we just stop? It is your business,
not least because you're my friend and friends share things like that." Kurt
bites his lip, playing with his sleeve. "So stop. I should have told you, I
don't know – I don't know why I didn't."
"Your ex seems to have a pretty good theory all worked out."
Kurt scowls at that and jerks Dave's chin up with two fingers.
"Blaine was wrong." Dave is still avoiding his eyes. "He was. I haven't even
talked to him since we broke up, and I was barely talking to him before as it
was. He knows nothing."
David finally looks up and Kurt almost wishes he hadn't, because for the third
time in one evening he feels the metaphorical rug slip from under his feet,
because Dave's eyes are just the right shade of brown under the crude light of
the streetlamp, because he is. Never. Fucking. Prepared.
"Why didn't you?" Dave asks softly.
"W-what?" Kurt is still a little lost.
"Tell me." Dave wets his lips. "Why didn't you?"
Kurt feels his whole face fall.
He is just.
So sad.
And sorry, and regretful, and miserable, and self-hating, and so, so, so sad.
Because he never meant to hurt Dave like this, because maybe he hasn't
completely forgiven him yet but he is far, so far from wishing him any evil.
"I don't – I didn't think – I didn't want to –"
Dave just looks at him.
"God, David, I don't know. It seemed –" he cuts himself off, but Dave keeps
looking at him, and he has to go on, " – easier, I guess, because –"
"You thought I would – if I knew you –"
"No! I mean, no, it wasn't you, it was for me, and then I thought if I just
said it like that it would sound – I don't know, and then when –" Kurt cuts
himself off for real then. He is blushing terribly and his hands are shaking
and he almost brought up The Incident, and they need that now as much as they
need man-eating mermaids. He looks away, blinking like mad because he can just
feel frustration tears trying to peek from under his eyelids, and wouldn't that
be fabulous.
Dave snorts.
"Dave?"
He snorts again, louder, and then he's chuckling, and then he's laughing for
real at the look on Kurt's face.
"Well, at least someone is amused."
"Jesus, Fancy, don't look at me like that, oh God –"
"Would you mind letting me in on the joke? I believe that's the polite thing to
do at the moment."
Dave guffaws and coughs and Kurt restrains himself from patting him on the
back, because if someone deserves to die choked on his own tongue right now it
is David Karofsky.
"Shit. Okay, look, I just – Did you think I – fuck, I can't even –"
Kurt's eyes narrow and he starts tapping the tip of his leather shoe against
the pavement.
"Okay, okay, fine, you're pissed." David takes in a large gulp of air and looks
at Kurt with crinkling eyes, the corners of his mouth trembling. "You thought
I'd think you were coming on to me if you'd told me you were single?"
Kurt scoffs, blushing even harder if possible, a dozen of venomous jabs just on
the tip of his tongue. But Dave looks… god,he looks freaking charming like
this, alright, with mischievous eyes and a grin dancing all over his face, and
Kurt can't. Maybe this is what Finn feels when the redhead at the gas station
smiles and winks at him while short-changing them, and Kurt really thought this
kind of stupidity was a straight guy privilege, but apparently it isn't. And he
has been awed and amazed before, because Blaine is very attractive, but it was
never quite like this, not this babbling oafishness he feels creeping in.
With Blaine he had wanted to be dazzled, to be swept off his feet, and it had
worked fine. But with David he needs to stay grounded, and he knowsit, but it's
like he can't help himself, really.
"Kurt?"
Kurt rolls his eyes, tapping his arm with his fingernails.
"Oh, shut up. Even you have to admit it would have been awkward."
"I don't see why." Dave looks up, shoving his hands in his pockets with feigned
nonchalance. "Thought Icovered awkward ages ago."
"You – forget it." He fingers one strand of hair absently. "Dave I have to… I
have to go talk to Blaine."
He can see it immediately, how Dave tenses up and guards himself, his face
shutting off, his eyes unbearably distant. He nods briskly in Kurt's general
direction and gestures towards his truck.
"Sure. You two probably – I'll, hum, I'll just –" He gestures again needlessly.
"Don't just. Please," whispers Kurt.
He finds it interesting how Dave's forehead wrinkles in confusion.
"What?"
"Don't go. It'll only take a few minutes and then we can – not eat, I can't
believe how stuffed I still am over those popcorn," Kurt's eyes widen as he
hurries to correct himself, "but you can, of course, we could just grab
something and, I don't know, hum, walk somewhere?" he finishes lamely.
Dave is looking at him like that again. One can, apparently, be too expressive;
there are so many conflicting emotions criss-crossing Dave's face that Kurt
cannot for his life tell if he is confused, interested, or just incredibly
ticked off.
"Okay." It's almost a challenge.
Kurt chokes a bit.
"Okay?"
"Okay."
A sudden draft makes Kurt shiver and hug himself tighter into his jacket. Dave
seems unfazed, making Kurt wonder – not for the first time in the evening – if
he could simply step forward and fold himself into the taller boy. He stores
the thought for later.
"So… you wait for me here, right?" he wants to make sure.
Dave shrugs his shoulders once.
"David."
"Yeah."
Kurt sighs, knowing that is the best he can hope for at the moment.
As he walks away from the parking lot, he turns back once; Dave is leaning
against the side of his truck, his head is tilted back, and he's looking at the
stars.
===============================================================================
Blaine is sitting at the least dirty table of the cinema bar, a coffee cup in
front of him. His coat is casually unbuttoned, his legs are crossed elegantly,
and maybe it's the lighting, but to Kurt he looks like something out of a movie
scene.
Kurt almost turns back.
But Blaine is his friend, or at least he hopes so. He wants to salvage this
even if hewas the one to mess it up in the first place, by getting himself
infatuated and not following through with it.
"May I?" he asks, because he really doesn't know.
Blaine looks up and nods, his easy smile nowhere to be found. Kurt sits down
and fumbles with the two large buttons in his own coat, then with the collar of
his shirt, and he is almost going for his hair when Blaine grabs his hand,
laying it gently on the table. Kurt settles down, secretly relieved that Blaine
withdraws his own hand so discreetly.
They sit in silence for a while, Kurt hating himself a little as he starts to
worry that this might take longer than he initially thought, and that he might
not get to Dave in time, and that he will go home angry at Kurt, and resentful,
and, right, it isn't Dave he should be worrying about now, it's Blaine, with
his blank face and shrouded eyes and missing smile.
Kurt exhales, gathering his nerves.
"Oh, Blaine, I'm – I'm so sorry," he says quietly, and it's like he can't stop
apologizing tonight, isn't it?
Blaine sighs softly and smiles. It fails to reach his eyes.
"You should have told me." He shakes his head. "I wish you'd have told me.
Would have saved me a guilt-trip."
Kurt arches his eyebrows questioningly. Blaine's cheeks turn pink and he clears
his throat.
"I might have been… seeing someone."
He's blushing fully now, and won't meet Kurt's eyes, which are now wide with
shock.
"You – you – someone who?"
Blaine his nibbling on his bottom lip worriedly, and if this situation wasn't
surreal enough, Kurt would be astonished at how discomposed he really looks.
"You don't know him. He works at the JCPenney. The one at the mall."
Kurt lets out a high-pitched giggle, and his hand automatically flies to his
mouth, smothering his hilarity.
"Oh god, Blaine, you never get to call me a fashion-whore ever again. You – you
retail slut!"
Blaine frowns at him, flicking the lid of his coffee at Kurt's hair, who
manages to avoid it between snickers.
"Like you can talk. You and your jock obsession," he says snappily.
Kurt sobers immediately.
"About that –"
"Forget it. I should have known." Blaine narrows his eyes, smirking
revengefully at Kurt's red cheeks. "Remember when you told me about his
apology? I could almost seethe little hearts in your eyes."
"Haha. Aren't you cute?" snaps Kurt, drumming his fingers on the table. "And
delusional."
Blaine holds up his hands in mock-surrender.
"Alright, so maybe not then, but you kept finding ways of sneaking him into the
conversation ever since then."
"That means nothing! I talk about a lot of things, like –"
"Kurt, it's fine. Really," says Blaine soothingly, knowing a Kurt-rant when he
sees one. "I'm not mad."
"Like you would have any ground for being mad at me," grumbles Kurt. "Retail-
slut," he adds, a mock-stern expression firmly in place.
Blaine rolls his eyes but smiles, for real now, and Kurt can feel that last
piece of sickly guilt slip away. He actually feels lighter.
"So, this thing with Karofsky –"
"There is no thing with Dave, thank you very much."
Blaine smile widens and Kurt bites back a curse.
"Oh-oh. Dave, is it?"
"It's still his name, isn't it?" Kurt retorts half-heartedly.
"Of course it is."
"Oh, shut up."
Blaine snickers and takes a sip of his coffee. Kurt looks him over: he's
relaxed, open – as open as Blaine can ever stand to be around anyone – and,
Kurt notices, he is relieved. He starts feeling a little put out that Blaine
isn't jealous at all of Dave, but shakes off the feeling with a disapproving
shake of head.
"So, why did you decide to seek me out all of a sudden? We've barely seen each
other this summer."
Blaine turns serious again.
"I wanted to – I wasn't joking about the guilt-trip, Kurt. I felt really
uncomfortable with this."
"Why? I mean, we are broken up," says Kurt, furrowing his brow.
"Well, I didn't know what 'taking a break' meant to you exactly. I was almost
sure everything was finished between us, but I didn't know, you know?"
Kurt nods slowly. He had had the same nagging doubt, but had been entirely too
preoccupied with Dave to actually do something about it.
"I knew we needed closure, Ineeded closure, and I –" Blaine cuts himself off,
smiling sadly at Kurt. "I wasn't sure if we were still… friends."
Kurt feels his eyes prickling but bites into his lip firmly. There is no way he
is crying tonight.
"Oh Blaine. Of course we are."
"Oh, good," says Blaine with a relieved laugh.
Kurt looks at him wonderingly. He is feeling the need for real advice, advice
he is still scared of asking Finn for, least he freaks him out. But he is also
still too embarrassed to talk to Rachel about it, and still hesitant to go to
Mercedes.
"Blaine, there's something I – I realize this is our official break-up talk,
but I need –"
Blaine's eyebrows shoot up when Kurt falls silent.
"Kurt, you know you can tell me anything."
Kurt smiles gratefully and nods.
"It's just – me and Dave, we've been talking a lot lately –"
"Obviously."
"Really, Blaine? Really?"
"Sorry, reflexive sarcasm. Go on."
"Right. We've been talking on the phone almost every day and I – there might
have been, hypothetically of course, there might have been one or two
conversations that were more –" Kurt licks his lips, horrendously embarrassed "
– heated, for lack of a better –"
"Kurt Hummel, you filthy whore!"
Kurt blinks at the interruption and scowls at the delighted expression on
Blaine's face.
"Classy."
"Oh no. You have been having piping hot phone-sex. With Karofsky. That blows
class right out of the water, Kurt, this is – this is a revelation!"
Kurt splutters and chokes slightly as Blaine keeps smiling beatifically at him.
"So, is he any good?"
Pretense finally drops. Kurt bangs his head on the table with a pained groan,
and kicks feebly at Blaine's leg, who just chuckles and pats the back of his
head.
"I'm guessing very good, then."
Kurt groans again and Blaine's eyes widen comically.
"Oh. Oh.Well, all that glitters, and rough diamonds, and so on, I guess."
He smiles fondly at the top of Kurt's head and takes a large gulp of his now
cooling coffee.
"Now, Kurt, there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a very natural, very
beautiful thing."
He stifles a laugh at Kurt's attempt at growling. Then, something appears to
cross his mind and he frowns.
"Wait, you were having phone-sex with him, when hethought we were still
together, and he never called you on it? He was just gonna go along with it
tonight?"
Kurt lifts his head finally, his face etched into a half-scowl.
"First, it isn't were having, it's had, as in once. And – he doesn't know about
it."
Blaine shoots him an incredulous look.
"Kurt, I'm ready to believe that boy rocked your socks off easily enough, but
if you say he did it in his sleepI'm totally calling your bluff."
"He was drunk. I – I didn't tell him about it." Kurt's fingers intertwine in a
nervous gesture.
"Oh."
"Blaine –"
"No, I'm not here to – judge you, Kurt, I'm sure you had your reasons."
Kurt's head falls back, his neck bending in a painful curve, and he closes his
eyes firmly shut.
"Oh god, I'm a terrible person. I'm just – immoral, Finn is right, I
practically molested him."
"What? Kurt, no. You're – you're a teenager, you're allowed mistakes! God, next
to me getting my crush fired, that's nothing, that's –"
"It's not nothing! His judgment was impaired – he was trippingand vomiting all
over the place, for god's sake!" Kurt throws his hands up in despair.
"Huh, vomiting? Well, I guess there's no arguing with kink –" Blaine stops
short when Kurt snarls at him. "Now, look here. I'm no stranger to really bad
hangovers and awful drunken decisions, but the thing about memory loss? It's a
bit of a myth."
"What."
"I mean, if you're drunk enough to not remember anything in the morning, you're
too drunk to work out articulate sentences, much less seduce someone into
having fulfilling phone-sex."
"What?"
"In fact, not like I ever checked, but I don't think you could, hum, rise to
the occasion under those particular conditions."
"What!"
"I'm assuming he didrise to it, then."
"Oh god."
Blaine leans forward, worried. Kurt's eyes are darting everywhere and he looks
a shade too pale to be healthy.
"Kurt, are you –"
"I'm f-fine," says Kurt shakily. "Oh god, Blaine, I can't – What if he
remembers, no, he can't, he would have – oh my holy Gaga, what am I gonna do?"
"Talking to him comes to mind."
"I can't!"
"Why, Kurt? I mean, first you forget to tell him you're single, which, well, I
still don't get."
Kurt makes a pitiful sound.
"I was… afraid."
Blaine nods, urging him to continue.
"That he – that if I said it just like that – that he would think I –" Kurt
hides his mortified face in his hands. "That I was comingontohim," he finishes
in a rushed whisper.
Putting it out there, his embarrassment feels a lot more ridiculous than it
used to. He still refuses to look at Blaine, who makes this mm-hmm noise that
never really means anything.
"And that would be… bad, I imagine. But why?"
Kurt's head shoots up.
"What?"
"I mean, you obviously like him."
Blaine offers him a comforting smile but Kurt just stares.
"I… I…"
"Is this too soon? Or just denial?" asks Blaine, quirking his eyebrow,
Kurt closes his gaping mouth and shakes his head miserably. He obviously should
have just stayed in bed this morning. Blaine takes his hand, forcing a muffled
surprised sound from Kurt, but Blaine's face is full of understanding and
empathy and yes, Kurt remembers, this is where he fell. It doesn't do a lot for
him now, but he can see it clearly and it makes him wish Blaine all the
happiness in the universe.
"There's nothing wrong with liking someone, Kurt. Granted, it's Karofsky," he
says with just a hint of disbelief, "but you're smart. I trust your judgment on
this, and he seemed a lot… tamer," he finishes hiding a smile.
Kurt blinks twice, his eyes pleading with Blaine to continue.
"I think you should trust your instincts on this, I really do. And tell him, or
don't tell him, but if he remembers, Kurt, he must be a little hurt with you by
now."
He squeezes Kurt's hand when his eyes shine suspiciously.
"But it's your call, Kurt, and no one can make it for you."
He nods wisely at that to which Kurt shoots him an annoyed eye roll, but smiles
in spite of himself. Blaine gets up first and tugs Kurt up with him. When
they're face to face he grabs the taller boy's shoulders, scowling slightly
when Kurt smirks at the height difference.
"Well, there always has to be someone to reach for the higher shelves," he says
pragmatically. Then his eyes turn serious. "You said once that… that you'd
never say goodbye to me, Kurt."
Kurt just knows he won't make it through this evening, but he soldiers on
valiantly, biting the inside of his cheek to keep the tears at bay.
"And I won't. Ever, Blaine, god, I don't know what I would have done without
you by now."
Blaine smiles and squeezes his shoulders lightly.
"You'd manage, somehow. Kurt, I – I know we're broken up and all, but… friends
can love each other as well, can't they?" he asks quietly.
And he's lost. His eyes water and spill all of a sudden, and he throws his arms
around Blaine, pulling him into a tight hug.
"Of course they can, Blaine, obviously they can."
"Good." Blaine hugs him back and steps away, his eyes shining a little. "Well,
this has been wonderful, but don't you have somewhere else to be? A wounded
bear to tend to?"
Kurt's eyes widen and he wipes at his cheeks hastily, his mind free-falling
into panic. Blaine chuckles and combs Kurt's disarrayed hair back with his
fingers.
"There, you're as cute as ever." He looks down appraisingly. "Nice jacket. Marc
Jacobs?"
Kurt nods smugly.
"Lose it."
"What?"
"Trust me. It's fabulous, youlook fabulous, but take it off," Blaine urges,
proceeding to do just so when Kurt fails to move fast enough. He folds the
jacket over his own arm, smiling at the inscription.
"So you." He looks back at Kurt, who is fiddling with his shirt collar. "That
no so much, but whoa."
Kurt pouts childishly, furiously tugging at the almost skin-tight fabric.
"Rachel did it."
The Warbler curls his lips appreciatively and hands him the jacket.
"Well, modesty aside, she has very good taste." He ignores Kurt scoffing and
clucks his tongue at the top buttons of the shirt. "Now, this won't do… there!"
he declares triumphantly, pulling the collar open with three buttons undone.
"But – that's slutty!" cries Kurt, his mouth gaping open.
"Says who?"
"Rachel!"
"Rachel hasn't been having phone-sex, I'm sorry, somewhatheated
conversationswith Karofsky, has she?"
Kurt frowns and huffs, crossing his arms.
"She had better not."
"You need slutty in your life, Kurt, believe me." Blaine flashes him a
conciliatory smile and steps back, admiring his work. "And damnit looks good on
you. Dalton uniforms never did you any justice, definitely."
Kurt blushes, waving him off, making Blaine chuckle.
"And learn to take a compliment." He looks at his clock. "I gotta get home. And
you –"
"I know," Kurt says softly, hiding a sniffle. "Blaine?"
"Mm-hmm?"
"If you weren't jealous, or even mad at me, why were you so… mean to Dave back
there?"
Blaine's eyebrows knit together pensively.
"I… don't know. I guess it's mandatory, isn't it? Almost an after break up
ritual. Besides –" he adds, and Kurt just knows he's going to feel like
slapping him. " – I couldn't let him get away that easy, could I? Had to make
sure he was making progresses."
Kurt's eyebrows shoot up to his airline and he pursues his lips but lets it go.
He basically dumped Blaine after all – the JCPenney boytoy so did notfactor in
– so he can dispense a little mercy.
"And he really seems to be moving forward. So unafraid of going out with you on
date night of all nights… I'm starting to think you've got a little wizard's
blood in you, Kurt."
Kurt looks taken aback for a while but shrugs it off, offering Blaine a
flippant smile.
"He can always say Santana made him, I guess. Summer school Bullywhips
complimentary action." He frowns a little. "We didn't really talk about it.
Better to be whipped as long as it's pussy-whipped, right?"
Blaine chuckles darkly, nodding. He glances at his watch again, secretly
amused.
"Kurt?"
"Yes?"
"You do know we've been talking for a little over half an hour here, don't you?
Shouldn't you –"
Kurt is already out the door.
"Goodbye, then!" Blaine calls after him, shaking his head. And good luck.
===============================================================================
"Hi."
He watches as Dave's shoulders tense, relax, then tense up again even harder –
he's wound up so tight that Finn could probably use him for drum practice. He
still doesn't turn to face Kurt.
"Talk went well?" Kurt picks out after a while, soft and low and barely even
there.
"Superb. Couldn't have gone better," he says with a smile, trying to imprint it
in his tone and pass it on to Dave.
It doesn't work. If anything, Dave just clams up entirely, the frown lines on
his forehead deep enough to worry Kurt they might freeze that way.
"Huh. Good for you." David rakes one hand through his hair, and Kurt's eyes get
a little lost on the spot where Dave's upper arm meets his forearm. "Do you –
Kurt, I – fuck it, do you want me to go?"
"Where?" The spot looks delicious, and kissable, and lickable, and Kurt wants
to do all sorts of dirty things to it.
Dave snorts feebly.
"Home, I guess. Maybe a ditch."
A ditch? Why are they talking about ditches – well, David is talking, Kurt is
admiring a fine work of natural art, thank you very much – when they could be…
He shakes his head in disbelief. There should be shots for these kinds of
tangents.
"What? Dave, what in the good name of Hermès Brikin bags are you talking
about?"
"Of what bags?"
"Birkin bags."
"The shit you know, huh?"
"Not shit. Or, at least, extremely expensive shit." Kurt sighs. "You needto be
educated. Pronto."
His eyebrows go up when a shudder runs through Dave's whole body. The jock has
gone a little pink in the face, and Kurt decides it's not that bad a color on
him.
"Are you cold?"
"N-no. 'M fine." David finally looks at him, and Kurt is eternally grateful to
Rachel and Blaine for never giving up on the obviously hopeless case he is when
it comes to dressing to attract, because ohmygod there's no mistaking that
look, the double, third-take David graces him with, the way his mouth gapes
open just a tiny bit, and Kurt is feeling sexier than he ever thought he could,
and it's all Dave, it's always Dave, growling in Kurt's ear about how fucking
hot Kurt really is, eyeing him like is the last piece of triple chocolate fudge
cake on the dessert table.
He shivers. His mouth falls open slightly, his hips arch forward half an inch,
his eyelids flutter almost involuntarily and, please oh please, he's
practically begging to be taken right here on the filthy pavement, and he
doesn't even know for sure what he wants Dave to do with him, but he wants
something, everything, anything.
Dave coughs suspiciously and looks away; the moment is gone. There's a good-
for-nothing flicker of doubt in Kurt's mind spouting out things like, Dave has
already seen him without his coat and he wasn't that impressed, Kurt has
probably got grease from the table smeared all over his front, Blaine pulled a
practical joke on him and taped a sticker to his head when Kurt was too
preoccupied to notice.
Kurt might be that insecure, but he isn't blind. Dave was looking at him in the
same way Finn looks at Kurt's special chocolate-hazelnut mousse recipe. Or, to
forego Finn and food analogies entirely, he was looking at Kurt in the same way
Kurt has been looking at David for the whole blasted evening.
It's as simple as that.
"So, you and Blaine."
Kurt is practically manhandled back to reality; it has nothing to do with the
resentment in Dave's voice, but rather with Blaine.
"Blaine?"
Dave shrugs one shoulder morosely.
"'S his name, right?"
Kurt hums noncommitently and leans against the car as well, stretching his arms
up behind his head. The moon is almost full, bright enough to look almost
unreal, and directly above them. His head is overflowing with noise: Rachel,
Mercedes, Finn and Blaine – it makes him wonder how he can possibly find space
for Dave in there.
Only Dave isn't noise. If his friends are high, grating static, David is a low
buzz, vibrating through his skull – and it's pleasant. Comforting, like the
extra blanket his dad gets him at three in the morning on winter nights, or
Carole's shy goodnight kiss when she thinks Kurt is already asleep, or even –
When he opens his mother's drawer just a sliver, panicked that the scent will
fade away over the years, but it's still there. He feels almost blasphemous in
a way, because this is Karofsky, and being shoved into lockers has nothing to
do with the perfume in his mother's sweaters, but it is always, always Dave,
and the warmth radiating from his body next to Kurt's and the gentle way he
brushed Kurt's cheek before the kiss-that-wasn't has everything to do with that
first intake of scented air.
Dave shifts a little. When Kurt looks at him he is looking back, and it makes
him restless, itches under his skin how he can't tell what Dave wants exactly,
what he needs, what he would be comfortable with Kurt doing.
The movie had been… interesting, because Kurt has been doing a lot of
breathing, and there are things like positive thinking and self-actualization,
and everything should always be taken in with a grain of salt, and you should
step back to see the big picture, so yes, interesting. He can only hope the big
picture is that good; the small one had him and Dave sitting in a practically
empty movie theatre, pitch-dark during night scenes and with the AC turned up
just enough that Kurt kept wanting to shuffle nearer to Dave for warmth; the
small one had Dave turning to face him every two second during all of Depp's
scenes with a big, stupidly adorable grin on his face as if to check whether
Kurt was laughing as well and Kurt had always been too focused on keeping still
and fucking breathing and not just jumping the guy right then and there.
The small picture had Kurt and Dave walking out in silence, until Dave had
finally cracked and asked if the movie had sucked that bad for Kurt to look as
if he had just buried his pet parakeet, which had Kurt choking on his own
saliva, because the last time a bird had gone and died on him it had worked out
splendidly – at the time, at least. Kurt had gotten a hold of himself and
snapped back with a grumble about cannibalistic merpeople and Dave had laughed,
openly and happily, and Kurt hadn't even minded that he remembered next to
nothing off the entire movie.
The small picture was a mess. So Kurt could only hope.
For what, he wasn't sure. But he still hoped.
"You and Blaine," Dave repeats, dragging it out a bit.
There are three stars just to the left of David's head; Kurt wishes he knew
enough of astronomy to name the constellation.
"Yes, me and Blaine. Me and you. And maybe later, me and Rachel," he deadpans,
smirking to himself.
"… what."
"Sorry. Will and Grace marathon with Britt and Tina last night," he says,
shrugging and bringing his arms down.
Dave just watches him as he steps away from the pick-up; his coat is once again
draped over his shoulder, and there is a cockiness to his step that Kurt hopes
David won't notice is faked. He looks back, lifting one eyebrow.
"Are you coming?"
Dave looks up once more, seemingly lost in thought, but nods, pushing himself
off the car to follow Kurt.
"He just came here to make sure we were firmly broken up," he starts when
they're already out of the parking lot, deciding it is about time to start
shooting those elephants down.
"Hum."
"I assured him we were."
"Hum."
"He has got his eye on someone else, anyway."
"Hum."
"And that kinda made me snap, so I just fell down to my knees and begged him to
take me back."
Dave shoots him a wide-eyed, panicked look, getting the full effect of Kurt
Hummel's patented bitch face. He licks his lips, a smirk held back just in
time.
"Yeah? Did it work?"
"Of course it did," Kurt huffs. "My powers of seduction are not to be doubted."
"Never," says Dave, holding up his hands in surrender. "You getting couples
therapy?"
Kurt sighs resignedly.
"If we must. Sacrifices must be made in a relationship, David, sacrifices must
be made."
"Sure." David offers him a crooked smile and Kurt chuckles, dropping the
façade.
"Seriously, now. I know I should have told you, and this last hour was all
kinds of awkward, but could we just… I don't know, develop some sort of laser-
guided amnesia about this?"
"Fuck yeah."
Kurt grins widely at that and, shrugging of consequences for a moment, grabs
David's arm, dragging the jock behind him. He turns right and Dave follows
without a word, muscles tensing slightly under the pressure of Kurt's hand.
"Hey, Fancy?"
"Mm-hmm?"
"Not that I mind being mindlessly dragged around, but… where the hell are we
going?"
Kurt taps his bottom lip with one finger, feeling unbearably giddy when Dave's
eyes follow the movement hungrily.
"You'll see, David." He pauses, looking uncertain. "That is… if you're not too
hungry?"
"'S alright. Not like I'm gonna keel over from one missed meal, right? Probably
do me some good," he adds self-depreciatingly.
Kurt's eyebrows knit together in confusion, and he would ask what David is
going on about, but he hasn't been this excited in a while. Blaine's easy
blessing is such a tremendous weight of his back, as is Dave's willingness to
just go along with whatever Kurt wants.
"I'll make it up to you, I promise. Modesty aside, I'm a pretty accomplished
cook." Kurt misses Dave's stunned expression at the implication, and almost
skips down the street in excitemnet. "We're here!"
David stares past Kurt.
"The park? That's what got your juices all flowing?"
Kurt slaps his arm lightly, too pleased with himself to use real bite.
"No juices, David. And the park is amazing. I used to love the swings, but no
one would ever bring me here at night."
"Why the fuck would you wanna –"
The singer pouts, going over to the nearest swing and sitting down.
"All the kids were bigger than me and I could never get a turn."
David's smile is fond under the flickering streetlight.
"Aww. Poor itty bitty Fancy."
"Oh? I bet you were the king of the playground, then." Kurt drags his feet,
pushing himself back.
"Fuck yeah I was!"
"Well, you must have been adorable. Boy Scout much?"
Dave grins, sliding one finger down the chain of Kurt's swing.
"Maybe I went rogue."
"... right. Oh, look, the sandbox. As fabulously grimy as I remember it,"
retorts Kurt, pointing with the tip of his shoe. Dave nods distractedly,
looking around.
"Y'know, my dad used to bring me here all the time when I was a kid." He cocks
his head to the side, turning to Kurt again."Hey, maybe we met."
"I got throw on my face a lot, so yes, probably," deadpans Kurt, making a face.
"Oh. Shit."
Kurt sighs, exasperated, and curls his hands around the chains, swinging his
body back and forth.
"I'm kidding Dave. I managed to stir away from trouble just fine. I was a very
resourceful toddler." He pauses, frowning at his feet, which keep dragging
through the dirt. "But I never played in the sandbox, it always smelled like
pee."
"Sorry about that."
"David!"
"What? When you gotta go, you gotta go, right?"
Kurt's eyes almost pop out of their sockets. He stops the swing with a screech.
"No! Oh my god,David!"
"I drank like a ton of apple juice that day!" Dave spreads out his hands,
barely restraining a laughing fit. Kurt shakes his head in dismay, wrinkling
his nose.
"Sweet Prada, I hope you got arrested for indecent exposure."
"Nah, but Jerry Cox's mom told me I was a naughty boy and that naughty boys go
straight to hell with no dessert."
"... Please tell me you're joking."
"Nope." Dave pops the 'p' with a shit-eating grin, bumping his knee onto the
side of Kurt's swing.
"Hmm. So that's where all those issues come from."
"Hey!"
"Early repressed trauma, or something like that."
Kurt looks up at him with narrowed eyes, the corners of his lips twitching.
Dave stares him down with a deep frown and rattles the chain, making the
smaller boy yelp and slap his hand. The jock shoots him a sideways look and a
smug grin and looks up, eyes full of moonlight.
"Ha, I got Willy to pee on her bag."
"Do I even want to know who or what Willy was?"
"My dog, Fancy, get your mind out of the gutter."
Kurt sniggers in spite of himself, rubbing his feet casually against the side
of Dave's leg. When Dave looks down surprised, he starts examining his
fingernails attentively, innocence personified.
A stray sentence crosses his mind, making him drop his pretence.
"God, what is it with you and pee?"
"Marking the territory?"
"That one I never got."
"All the cool kids were doing it. But I did it first, 'course."
"Of course. You trend-setter, you." Kurt glances up at David wonderingly, then
at the chains, tugging at them as if testing for strength. He hops of the swing
and grabs them again. "I've got an idea. Help me up, will you?"
Dave's brow furrowed as Kurt grasps his shoulder for balance, putting one foot
on top of the swing experimentally.
"Fancy, what –"
"Help me, come on!"
David mumbles under his breath about bossy little bitches but clutches the
chains firmly, steadying the swing, tensing his shoulder to support Kurt's
weight. The other boy is soon standing upright, if a little shaky, and grinning
brilliantly at Dave, who can't help but smile back.
"I always wanted to do this."
"You never…?"
Kurt rolls his eyes, letting go of Dave's shoulder and grabbing for the chains
just above where Dave's hands held them in place.
"My dad thought I might get hurt. I tended to get a little… over-excited at the
park." Kurt's expression sobers immediately. "That was… we usually came here
with my mom."
Dave searches his face worriedly and, almost grudgingly, lets his hands slide
over Kurt's own, covering them. Kurt's breathing itches slightly, and he looks
about to say something, but apparently thinks better, letting his head fall
against the chain at his left.
David stares at where his hands are, disbelievingly. His thumbs sweep over the
pale skin of Kurt's knuckles. In an almost curious gesture, the tips of his
fingers go further up, caressing the inside of Kurt's wrist with so little
pressure it is almost a ghost touch. Kurt sighs quietly, shivering.
Aside from them, the park is completely empty; the lateness of the hour makes
it seem like they are the last two people awake in the world, maybe even the
last two people alive. Once in a while a light breeze will creep up, rustling
the leaves of the three sole surviving trees in the park. Kurt's world has
rapidly narrowed to this, Dave's callused but oh so gentle fingers tracing the
inside of his forearms. He feels tiny sparks going off under his skin at every
sweep of those fingers, feels his heart rate picking up, still steady but
faster and faster. The hairs on his arms are standing up on the wake of Dave's
path up his body, his hands leaving a trail a few degrees hotter than the rest
of Kurt's skin.
His lips part when Dave skips over his shoulders, pressing his thumbs softly
and teasingly against Kurt's naked collarbone, before tracing his way down
Kurt's sides. He exhales shallowly, spots of light dancing before his eyes when
Dave presses his palms fully over his ribcage, down the slight curve of his
waist, finally curling around Kurt's hips, thumbs rubbing against concave hip
bones, his other fingers splayed over Kurt's lower back, teasing at the
waistband of his pants.
A rebellious strand of hair flops onto his forehead, sticking to the thin sheet
of sweat that has collected there. Kurt's whole body is trembling, his knees a
hair's breadth from giving out completely. His hands are white fists around the
chains; it seems like the only thing keeping him upright is the pressure of
Dave's fingers around his hips, and isn't that where the trouble started in the
first place? He is staring at the top of Dave's head, which is inches away from
his chin; Dave's eyes are downcast, fixed on his own hands. Kurt can feel the
inside of his pants heating up unbearably, and if he knew he could just step
down without making a broken mess of his irresponsive joints he would. He has
never wanted to be face to face with Dave this much; even though he is
overwhelmed with fear that he might just be the Blaine to Dave's Kurt, he
doesn't care. He needs, oh god, he needs to kiss Dave so badly, possibly more
than kissing, but kissing is all his feverish brain can come up with at the
moment. He won't pull away, will he, not now, not even David Karofsky is that
much of a tease.
Then the pressure on his hips tightens and Dave looks up, and his eyes are
burning, his whole expression is positively ravenous and Kurt can only remember
to shoot his hands forward to grasp Dave's shoulders when his knees finally
sign their letter of resignation. David catches him around the waist with a
muffled curse, and for half of a glorious second Kurt is sure that this is it,
Dave has nowhere to run now, he has to kiss Kurt, he simply fucking has to,
what else can he possibly do?
David steps back as if burnt, looking everywhere but at Kurt – who, after
stumbling ungracefully a few steps forward, has managed to remain more or less
steady on his feet. He stares at Dave, completely lost, but the taller boy
simply refuses to look back.
"Dave?" whispers Kurt shakily.
"We should – I should, huh, curfew's at eleven today, my mom wants me to go
furniture-hunting for Alex's room tomorrow."
"W-what?" asks Kurt, his mind still in a haze.
Dave bites his lip and kneads the back of his neck. Kurt only then notices how
red his face is.
"I – alright. Plenty of excitement for one night already, I guess."
Dave nods absently and starts walking away briskly. Kurt glances back at the
park sadly – and not a little frustrated – and sighs, trailing after David.
===============================================================================
"David?"
"Huh, hi, Kurt."
"Hum, hi. Didn't we just see each other half an hour ago?"
"Well, yeah, but you said to call."
"Tomorrow."
"No, you didn't say tomorrow."
"Yes, I did."
"You said 'call me'."
"I – oh, alright, have it your way."
"Hi, Kurt."
"What even – hi, David."
"So… everything okay?"
"Since we last saw each other? Oh, David, it has been so long, I barely know
where to begin!"
"Okay, okay, fine. 'Night, then."
"Oh, stop it. Everything's fine. And you?"
"Yeah."
"Good."
"I guess."
"…"
"…"
"So…"
"Yeah?"
"Was there any real purpose to this call? Aside from you suddenly being so
eager to obey my every command."
"Not – not really."
"Hmm. Just your good old money-thrown-away routine?"
"Fuck, Fancy, you can just hang up if you –"
"But this is being soentertaining!"
"Yeah, yeah."
"Oh, hold up."
"'Kay."
"…"
"You alright there, Fancy?"
"Yes, I was just – hold on – ah, finally."
"The fuck are you doing? Sounds like a goddamn windstorm over here."
"Oh, nothing. Just getting undressed."
"…"
"Hmm, I hope this doesn't wrinkle."
"…"
"Let me just – did you know that if you wash your pants with the zipper done,
it's less likely to get stuck after?"
"…"
"I need to start investing in looser pants."
"K-Kurt –"
"It's hot tonight, isn't it?"
"I-I –"
"Honestly, I can't even think about pajamas right now."
"Fuck –"
"Oh, this feels nice."
"Christ, Fancy –"
"Why people insist on sleeping with anything on is completely beyond me."
"…"
"I just love silk sheets. Don't you Dave?"
"…"
"David?"
"…"
"Hmpf."
"…"
"Serves you right.
***** I'll Walk You Home Safe From The Dark *****
Chapter Summary
     n which Kurt is worried and Dave is not a pity-case.
"Now this is what I call a reasonable time to wait before calling someone."
"Yeah, yeah. Hi, Kurt."
"Why do you do that?"
"What?"
"Well, greet me like that all the time. It's like English for Foreigners 101."
"What being polite? Being nice?"
"Don't get snappy. It's just… odd."
"Thought you liked nice people, that's all."
"I do, but – oh, never mind. How are you today, David?"
"Fine, thank you, Kurt. And you?"
"Never better. I hadn't slept so well in a long time."
"Huh. So, hum, no mermaid nightmares?"
"None whatsoever."
"Really."
"I might have kept my night-light on just in case."
"Chicken."
"You should just marry one if you like them so much."
"Nah, mermaids are just for practice. By the way, jealous much?"
"Practice?"
"Deflecting, Fancy?"
"Yes, I'm the real deflector here."
"What do you mean?"
"Fine, David, be like that."
"Like what?"
"Like – Uhgh!"
"Like 'uhgh'? How can you be 'uhgh'?"
"Just be your usual obnoxiously thick-headed self and you'll do fine."
"Is this the time when I should hang up and let you have your morning meds?"
"More like your morning meds. In fact, I think you might have missed your
weekly prescription entirely."
"Hum. Did you eat breakfast? Coach Beiste once totally made Donovan cry after
he missed a pass 'cause of low blood sugar."
"Whatever."
"What's this, Twilight Zone?"
"I – Uhgh!"
"Getting a little PMS'ing there, Fancy?"
"And why do you call me that? I do have a name! What, would you prefer it if I
called you Caveman all the time? And, by the way, I could never PMS since I'm
not a fucking girl!"
"Kurt."
"What!"
"Look, I'm gonna hang up now, okay? I'll call you after lunch. Get your coffee
and have one of those triple chocolate chip cookies."
"Don't patronize me, Karofsky!"
"Bye, Kurt."
"Don't you dare!"
"…"
"You little –"
"…"
"See if I pick up."
"…"
"Just watch me ignoring you."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"I have a life, you know?"
"Come on, , can you like, cut the high bitch act for five minutes?"
"Aww, did Doll Face bust your nuts a little too hard?"
"Christ, what is it with people today? Is there like eau de bitch in the
fucking water or what?"
"Just my natural charm, Bear McStud."
"Right."
"Go on, tell Auntie Tana what's eating up your gay little soul."
"'S just Kurt. Again. Fuck."
"Like I didn't know."
"Shit. It's like I can't do anything right, y'know? I'm an asshole and jump him
– he changes schools. I'm nice and all 'hands off' – he fucking screeches my
head off. Fuck my fucking life, seriously."
"Okay, you listen now, and you listen good, 'cause I'm gonna be your fucking
Fairy Godmother now and never again, Hairball. Did Kurt tell you,specifically,
'hands off'?"
"I don't know, I think pushing me off and, right, fucking transferring might
have been some sort of signal, but hey, I could be wrong."
"I can't believe this. Are you seriously giving me attitude right now?"
"Fuck it, Santana, I know he doesn't want this, okay? I'm not fucking blind."
"No, you're just really fucking dumb."
"Right. I'm calling Britt instead. Will probably get better advice from her."
"She thinks Kurt is secretly half-unicorn, but go ahead. You wanna ride him,
so."
"Fuck. You."
"Sweetie, you couldn't even if you grew two straight dicks."
"…"
"You know, that may work on that Kurt blow-up doll I know keeps you company in
your cozy little closet, but it damn sure isn't working for me."
"Can you just – I can't fucking deal with your crazy right now."
"Why'd you call me then?"
"'Cause – I'm going out of my fucking mind here, Tana. Shit, he's not even
taking my calls anymore."
"I'm just gonna take a calming breath here, 'cause you sound pathetic enough
for a breakdown alert. Okay then, let's have it."
"We went out last night."
"Clock's ticking, Big Foot. I know, remember? You wouldn't stop gushing about
it like a pre-teen girl on X long enough to fix my cable."
"Yeah, so, it's all going great, he yells at me a bit but it's fine 'cause it's
hot on him, and we watch the goddamn movie and he's just completely spaced out,
but that's fine, I think he was just freaking out over the mermaids –"
"The underwater colony for lesbian serial-killers?"
"… right. Anyway, everything's cool, and we're having fun, at least I think he
was having fun, and it's fucking awesome – and then Blaine shows up."
"What, Kurt's Blaine?"
"No, the fucking president's Blaine."
"Attitude, Navel-fluff. Watch it."
"He just showed up out of nowhere, alright, like one of those fucking
leprechauns, and he's all 'Kurt and I broke up like ages ago, so he' just been
stringing you along, ha fucking ha' –"
"Wait, Kurt and Blazer-twink broke up?"
"Guess so."
"So you've been babbling your mouth off on the phone with me while the boy that
you've chasing around on all fours for like, months now, is single?Dios mío,
Karofsky, you huge girl."
"You don't get it –"
"Oh, I get it. I get it just fine. But, okay, let's just watch that ship sail
away and chat. While we're young, if you don't mind."
"It's not like I can just get on the fucking ship, you know?"
"Of course you can't."
"Fuck you, Lopez, I'm serious!"
"Who said I wasn't? The boy's been talking to you for weeks, right, probably
spending your weight in gold in phone bills. He agreed to go out with you.
He dumped his gay pride parade leader of a boyfriend. It's straight up 'back
off' behavior."
"It's not like that, you're twisting everything –"
"How is it, then? Tell Auntie like it is."
"We went out as friends, okay?"
"Sweetie pie, there's no such thing."
"What, just 'cause we're both… you know, we can't be –"
"Hey, ho, hold your carthorses, Mr. Tummus. You know, maybe it is better if you
leave Kurt alone. If you can't say it then you sure can't do it."
"What?"
"The gay, Jockstrap. If you wanna do the gay –"
"Dude, I'm home, okay? 'S not like I can just – my dad or my mom could hear."
"But it's fine if they listen to you gush about how you wanna hump Kurt like a
bitch in heat?"
"I just don't – I don't want them to –"
"Right. You know what? I think you're better off with my plan. Meet a nice
girl, make sure she's thick as dried up concrete, have a bunch of drunken night
babies and discover the glory in glory-hole. Lay off Kurt."
"Now you tell me that?"
"He's not for you. He's in a whole other level, Davey, and you can't keep up
with him."
"Like you're one to talk."
"I'm not the one panting and drooling two steps behind Mr. Sweet Cheeks."
"No, but you've got Britt."
"No, I really don't."
"Shit, Tana, I –"
"I don't need your pity party, Karofsky, you mope enough for the two of us. I'm
fine with my ten-year plan of finding a big bushy beard and becoming a gym
coach in an all-girls private school."
"You're mental."
"No, I'm rational. I'm real. I'm not ready to come out, don't know if I'll ever
be. And you're not, either."
"I – you don't know that."
"You can't even say it."
"I can say it just fine, okay? But it's not really how I want my family to find
out about it."
"You can't. Kurt wants a real man, not a scared little boy who's this close to
pissing himself in panic of people finding him out."
"Fuck. You. Lopez!"
"That's it, yell at me, like the big man you are, aren't you, so special. Not."
"You don't know shit about my fucking life!"
"Oh, please. Like your life is that different from all the other sad closet-
cases with a sob-story."
"Shut the fuck up!"
"You think you're special just because Kurt made you his pity-case? Get out,
you're just every bit as ordinary and pathetic as the rest of us, so gay for
Hummel that you've almost jerked your dick raw thinking of him, and you can't
even say it –"
"I'm gay, okay! I'm fucking gay, happy now, I'm fucking gay for Kurt and for
dick, so you can just suck it, Santana, just fucking suck it, 'cause you're
gonna die alone and miserable, and I'm not, 'cause I'm fucking gay and I'm not
a fucking pity-case!"
"Nice. That's the thanks I get for being such a Mother Theresa for the
homosexual."
"…"
"Karofsky?"
"…"
"What, did you pass out or something? Got the vapors?"
"Hum, huh, sorry, Tana, I gotta go. I'll call you later, 'kay?"
"What? What just happened? Dave?"
"My – my mom. She – she heard me."
"Oh, fuck!"
"Yeah. I – I gotta go."
"Shit."
"…"
"Hum. Good luck, I guess."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"… Kurt?"
"Dave? I've been calling you for hours!"
"Yeah, I –sorry."
"Don't worry, I'm just glad you're – are you alright?"
"I – I don't know."
"Santana –"
"She told you?"
"She called me yesterday at one in the morning, nearly hyperventilating because
she couldn't talk to you and she said – she said your mother heard you –"
"Yeah. Fucking chick can't hold her fucking mouth shut."
"She was scared for you, Dave. You couldn't tell right away, because, well,
it's Santana, but she was honestly worried."
"She should be. All her fucking fault, anyway."
"But what – what happened? Your parents –"
"Didn't kick me out, or anything, so you can cut the drama."
"Well, forgive me for being worried about you!"
"Yeah, like you care so much."
"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing. I'm fine, I'm not homeless, you can put your caring little heart at
ease, now. The closet-case pity-project is going fucking swell."
"What are you – no, we're deviating. I'm honestly relieved that you seem to be
more or less whole and still with a roof over your head, but you have
totell me, Dave. I don't dare guessing right now, and Santana wouldn't tell
me anything, She was barely coherent, just a lot of Spanish and you know I took
French."
"There's nothing to tell."
"Of course there is, David!"
"…"
"Dave?"
"…"
"Oh, wonderful. And here was I thinking we had finally gotten past that."
"…"
"I should kill you for making me worry so much."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Oh, thank god, Dave!"
"… hi, Kurt."
"Hi. I never thought I'd be so happy to hear you say that."
"So, huh, you're not mad?"
"No, David, I'm not mad. In fact, I'm way past mad at this point, I got past
'mad' miles ago, and I was just about to exit on 'Hatter-Crazy' when you
called."
"Huh."
"Do you know how many times I got in my car fully intending to drive to your
house?"
"I –"
"Fifteen. I even got Finn to tag along, just to make sure I could get there
faster without getting lost in the way. I was seven times halfway up my street
before I drove back, scared of just making everything worse!"
"You're such a drama queen."
"Don't fucking laugh at me!"
"What – shit, Fancy, are you crying?"
"N-no!"
"Yes – yes you are, God, don't do this, come on, I'm not fucking worth that,
Jesus –"
"Just. Shut up, Karofsky."
"... okay."
"You have no fucking idea, do you, of how worried I was, with Santana calling
me every five minutes, and you hanging up on me last night, and Finn running
around like a headless fucking chicken, and I couldn't talk to you, I didn't
know how you were, and I couldn't just go see you, and I care, alright, I
fucking care, because your no one's pet-project, you're my friend, and I was
worried sick over you, so don't you go calling me a fucking drama queen,
because you have . No. Goddam. Right."
"…"
"Got it? Have you got it, David?"
"Y-yeah."
"What?"
"Y-yes! Yes, I've got it, you're – you're pissed and you're right and you're –
you were worried about me."
"Hmm. That'll have to do."
"Can I just – I just need to hang up for a while, okay? I'll – I'll call you, I
promise."
"No, David, don't –"
"Just fifteen minutes, okay? I – I promise."
"David, I swear to whatever, I swear on my mother's grave, alright, if you
don't call me in fifteen minutes, I don't care if I end up in the hospital
after, but I'll do my damned best to beat the living shit out of you."
"I – sure, fifteen minutes, I'll – I'll call you."
"Okay, then. As long as we're clear."
"Fucking crystal. Just –"
"Go."
"Okay."
"If you're hanging up to go play Halo with one of your football buddies I'll be
having your old baseball cards for breakfast with my cereal."
"…"
"Blaine was never this much trouble."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Dave. Hi."
"Hi, Kurt. Did I – I'm on time right?"
"On ti – oh, god, I – yes, of course, David, I'm sorry, I shouldn't
have… exploded at you, I was just, well, a bit out of sorts. But you certainly
didn't need that. Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I – I think I am. Just went out for a run."
"A run?"
"I needed to… sort things out. In my head. Fresh air, and all."
"Oh, I get it. Dancing usually does that for me."
"Yeah."
"So, do you – I'll understand if you don't, after that scene –"
"Fancy, don't. God, don't, I – thank you. I needed that, okay?"
"No, you really didn't need my drama –"
"I like your drama. I want your drama."
"Oh…"
"I mean –"
"I –"
"Shit. Sorry, you go."
"No, you were first –"
"Really, it's nothing –"
"No, I – oh, for the sake of Macy spring sales, what are we even doing?"
"Fuck if I know."
"Alright. I would honestly like you to tell me what happened, David. First with
Santana and then with your parents – if you want to, that is."
"Yeah."
"Really? Because you don't have to if you don't want to."
"I do. You deserve to know, Fancy."
"O-okay. Thank you."
"Right. So, huh, Santana. I called her the day before yesterday, 'cause I
needed to – talk to her about something. Something –"
"You only tell me what you want me to know, Dave. Please."
"Okay. So, something. And then we were talking and she was just bitchy like
always so, not fine, but normal."
"Go on."
"And then… I said something, I mean, I wouldn't say something and she just
fucking flipped her shit."
"Yes?"
"I wouldn't say I was… gay. I'm – fuck I'm… gay. I'm gay."
"Oh, David…"
"Don't go getting all emotional, okay? 'S just –"
"A huge-ass step forward, Dave."
"You have got to stop hanging around me."
"I know. It's death on my vocabulary. Yesterday, I told Finn that Master
Chef was 'the shit'."
"… seriously?"
"Stop laughing, this is very serious."
"You're so fucking cu–"
"What?"
"Nothing."
"You were clearly going to say some –"
"Yeah, so, she flipped out and started fucking attacking me, fucking coming at
me with everything, pulling all goddamn stops. And I told her to cut it the
fuck out, 'cause my parents were home and I didn't wanna say it where they
could hear me, get it?"
"Yes, of course."
"But she just kept going and going and fucking yapping my ear off and I –
Jesus, I fucking snapped, Kurt."
"What did you –"
"Forget about my parents, I bet the whole goddamn street knows I'm gay by
now. Shit, it starts coming out easy, doesn't it?"
"Like you wouldn't believe. I'm so – Dave there are no words for how proud I am
right now."
"Awww."
"Don't deflect. I am."
"Don't know why. 'S not like I planned it, or anything. 'Sides, it's not even
that big a deal."
"Not that big – David, are you in shock? Traumatized? Don't you honestly see
what this is? It's like you just opened the door to a whole new world in front
of you, a whole new life. Forget about people at school, or anyone else, are
you listening to yourself? This is – this is amazing, Dave, no, this is –
arevelation!"
"Gotta hand it to you, Fancy. You always know how to make the most of the
moment."
"Oh, shut up. Fine, you just fully came out to yourself, just accepted your
sexuality aloud for the first time, but it's no big deal. Just your sense of
identity, that's all."
"Hey, don't label me. There's more to me than being gay, y'know? Always wanted
to drive one of those one-horse carriages they always show at the Central
Park."
"And I'm sure you'll be splendid at it. You will finally have a being with whom
you might converse on the same level of intelligence."
"Ouch, Fancy. You were doing so well, all sweetness and 'hallelujahs'."
"See if I do it again, you ungrateful prat."
"Who said anything about ungrateful, huh? Seriously, you're just what I
needed."
"I – I am?"
"S-sure. Like, y'know, this feels fucking huge, but my parents were kinda
anticlimactic about it."
"In a good way?"
"I guess. We just sat down at the table and talked. They were so fucking calm."
"What did they say?"
"They asked if I was sure, if it wasn't just, y'know, confusion, and if anyone
at school knew about it."
"And you?"
"I said I was like 110% sure. Fuck, you have no idea how much research I did,
hoping I was one of those bi-curious types, or even just plain bi, 'cause that
would mean I got to choose, right?"
"I – I've done a little research myself, and I don't think it really works like
that, but I get your point."
"Right. So I told them that, and told them Santana knew and my mom just gave me
this look, like she would give me after catching me with cookie crumbles all
over my clothes."
"Really? I knew the bearding was a bit over the top, but I'm liking your mother
better by the second."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Santana, and then I said you and my dad gives me this
fucking nod, and what the fuck did that even mean, think they were just jerking
me around, waiting for me to slip up and tell them?"
"Well."
"What?"
"My father knew before I told him."
"Huh –"
"Oh, go ahead, I've been told that my closet was a little on the transparent
side."
"Nope, not saying a word. I learn my lessons."
"Good to know. And then?"
"That was it. They just sent me to bed, after. Thank God Alex was asleep the
whole time."
"That was it? Nothing else?"
"Huh – they kinda hugged me?"
"'Kinda'?"
"Fine, we had our very own home-made Kodak moment, calm your shit. My mom was
totally gonna start crying, but I just told her to cut it out, 's not the
fucking end of the world."
"I –"
"Yeah?"
"Oh, god, there's – no words, Dave, you are –"
"Look, it fucking is, okay, I know that. I just didn't want her crying over me
or my sorry-ass future. So don't go getting all proud as fuck on me again."
"I'ts not. Dave, please, just trust me on this."
"I don't know how you can even say that."
"Why?"
"Why? Kurt, you had to fucking transfer all because a psychotic asshole, me,
alright, said he'd kill you if you told anyone he had fucking assaulted you!"
"Now who's the drama queen here?"
"Fuck, Kurt –"
"Please, Dave, don't. I know what you did. I was there, remember? And no, it
wasn't the brightest spot in my downcast days, but I'm here, aren't I?"
"Don't rightly know how the fuck that happened."
"To be honest, neither do I. But it did. And I'm not – I don't regret it."
"So what, you'd just go through me bullying you again if it meant –"
"Being able to talk to you now? Knowing you? Having your friendship? In a
heartbeat, David."
"You – you're mental, Fancy."
"Maybe a little."
"No, really, you're just insane right now, okay? I'm almost giving up talking
to you, 'cause you stopped making sense like five exits ago."
"Well, you're not the most rational, level-headed of creatures either, so I
guess we're evenly matched."
"You guess. He guesses."
"So. Your parents are… fine with this, then?"
"Yeah. 'S a bit awkward still, but my mom – God, we were having breakfast this
morning, right, and I just asked her to pass the toast and, guess what, she
just fucking blurts out 'So, have you seen any guys you think are cute yet?'"
"Ohmygod. Oh my god, David, oh my god, I can't –"
"No, seriously! I mean, is she for fucking real?"
"Oh, shit, I think I cracked a rib, oh my god –"
"And then my dad starts making these signs with his hands and trying to be,
y'know, discreet about it, and my mom's just looking at me, and I realize
she's really fucking expecting an answer so I say 'Gee, mom, the quarterback is
just dreamy, can I bring him home to meet you guys?" and, can you fucking
believe this, she starts nodding and my dad fucking cracks and then we can
barely get our shit together to finish eating."
"…"
"You're totally gonna bust something you might need later, y'know?"
"I can't even – holy heavenly Coco, Dave, what is wrong with our
parents, really –"
"Not a goddamn clue."
"My dad – oh god, air – my dad gave me these pamphlets about gay sex a while
ago, you should have seen him, he was mortified, and I wasn't any better, but
he just pulled through. Once the suicidal embarrassment was over, I was even a
little proud."
"Hum. Nice pamphlets?"
"They're mine. You go get your informational soft-core porn yourself."
"I could always ask my mom."
"Your mom – oh god, your mom and my dad should get together someday. They could
have a cup of commiseration coffee down at the Lima Bean."
"Yeah, 'cause it worked so well the last time you tried that."
"What – oh. Well, at the time it worked out perfectly for me."
"I bet."
"Hmm, brooding again?"
"Why would I be?"
"I don't know. You tell me."
"I – hum. So. I should tell Santana. Call off the search team, or something."
"I guess you should."
"Right, so –"
"I get to hang up now!"
"Christ, Fancy, watch the sound barrier!"
"Sorry. But I totally do."
"Fine, go ahead. Knock yourself out."
"Bye, Dave, I'll call you."
"You don't have to."
"… seriously?"
"Kidding. Talk to you tomorrow?"
"If I'm feeling like it."
"As you wish."
"That – is that – forget it."
"What?"
"No, it's just – I thought I remembered something but – leave it. Goodbye,
Dave."
"Bye, Kurt."
"…"
"Tomorrow. Right. Santana now."
"…"
"I'm so fucking in love with you, Kurt."
***** I Did Love Till He Broke My Heart *****
Chapter Summary
     In which Kurt slow and Dave is frustrating.
"Who's this?"
"Hi, Kurt."
"Dave! Finally! What happened to your phone?"
"Fucking dog fucking ate my fucking phone."
"…no."
"Yeah."
"Wait, I didn't even know you had a dog."
"Yeah you did, I told you. Willy."
"Is 'Willy' immortal by any chance?"
"Don't say it like that, I was like, four, and he wouldn't even answer to
anything else after a while. And no, 'course not."
"You talked of a Willy going with you to the park when you were little."
"Yeah, 's the same. He was just a pup. But now he's fucking huge, and fucking
senile, and he ate my fucking phone."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Real funny, huh? "
"N-no. Just a little bit?"
"Ha fucking ha. Should've been your phone."
"Don't even. I could have gone into shock after you almost crashed mine that
one time."
"What time?"
"That time."
"That – oh."
"Mmm-hmmm."
"Sorry."
"It's okay. It would be very mild shock, if you take into account the events
that followed."
"I'm sorry."
"Oh, for Barbra's sake, David."
"What? What do you want me to say? God, I'll say it, whatever you want, just–"
"I'm kidding. But you could have just told me."
"That I was gay? Fuck, Fancy, I couldn't even say it right 'till two days ago."
"I didn't mean that, exactly, I just – never mind."
"Huh?"
"Never mind."
"As you wish, Princess."
"What?"
"Sorry, sorry. King Kurt."
"I – god, David, I'm starting to understand how Finn feels all the time."
"Aww, you're not slow, you're just really special."
"I'm slow, now?"
"Special."
"I hate you."
"..."
"Oh, for the sake of Prada, I didn't mean that. You know I didn't."
"…really?"
"Pfft. And I'm slow?"
"Spe –"
"Okay, I'm just gonna stop you right there, before this gets ugly. So. Did you
get a new phone?"
"…hum. My dad had this extra one that the company gave him, so he gave it to
me. But it's really fucking fancy, and I've got no idea how the goddamn thing
works. Shit keeps popping up."
"Nice things are completely wasted on you. What did you want, two cans and a
string?"
"Jeez, Fancy. What did I do now?"
"Nothing."
"Shyeah, right."
"Hmm. You're lucky to have all the numbers written down, then."
"What?"
"I mean, I'm always thinking I have to do it in case I ever misplace my phone,
but I never get around to it."
"What are you talking about, I don't have the numbers written down."
"Then how – you're not psychic, are you?"
"Wha –"
"No, obviously not. You're not in league with the Secret Services, then, are
you?"
"You know, you're kinda hard to follow when you go off on your little
tangents."
"My number, David. How did you even know to dial my number?"
"Good with those, I guess."
"You know all the numbers in your contact list by heart?"
"What, no, do I look like a goddamn android phonebook to you? Jus' know some.
You know, my parents', my sisters', the house –"
"Mine."
"Call you almost every fucking day, don't I?"
"I'm just… flattered. And incredibly ashamed that I don't know yours."
"'S alright, Fancy."
"I'm dreadful with numbers. I sometimes blank out on my own."
"That's just… sad."
"Not everyone's got a crush on irrational numbers, Mr. I-take-Calculus-before-
everyone-else-because-it's-fun-and-I'm-a-real-dork."
"Dude, you're in glee club. Where do you get off calling other people dorks?"
"Glee club is elite. One day, we'll rule the world."
"Uh-huh."
"Or rather, I will. They'll be my minions. And I even have my shiny knock-off
tiara to go with the title."
"Supreme Rocking Emperor of All the Known and Unknown Goddamn Universe?"
"Excellent, David. You'll be very useful."
"Gonna take me as your kept boy?"
"Hmm, I thought I'd have Puck for it. Oh, well."
"Nah, you chose right. He's got the guns for the job, after all."
"Oh, really?"
"Yep."
"I didn't know you were noticing."
"What, you get to, but no one else does? Besides, it's not like I can help it,
with the way he flaunts it all the time."
"Hum."
"But I guess it's all 'bout personal taste, right? Like, Sam's got the better
ass, Mike's got the abs –"
"It's Sam, now? Mike?"
"And Finn's got that whole goofy good-guy thing going on, and I guess it
works."
"It does?"
"And Artie, if you're into nerdy types, I guess."
"Good to know."
"That's all the guys in your club, right?"
"I have to go. It's my turn to vacuum."
"Hope I'm not forgetting any – Aww, but I thought we were brainstorming your
plans for world domination! And, you know, talking guys."
"I'm sorry. I have to go."
"'Kay then. I'll call you later, Kurtie."
"What? I –going."
"Hum."
"…"
"You totally started it, Fancy."
"…"
"Now, if I could just figure out where's the fucking turn off button in this
thing…"
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Kurt!"
"Blaine, please, can it wait? I'm not feeling up to my usual form right now."
"Oh. What is it? Have you got the bug that's been going around?"
"There's a bug going around?"
"There's always a bug going around."
"…no, I haven't caught anything. I'm just feeling a little disgusting and anti-
social, that's all."
"Oh, come on, tell me. Then I can let you in on the news about Terry."
"Who's Terry?"
"That guy I told you about. Didn't I tell you his name was Terry?"
"You did not. Blaine, really –"
"It's not a bad name, is it? Like Bernard. My mother wanted to call me Bernard,
but my dad wouldn't let her. Must have thought it was too gay."
"Blaine, I'm sorry, I'm not at my best by far, and, quite frankly, you're the
last person who could be of any help right now."
"Oh, why?"
"Because I'm feeling ugly and awkward, and bloated with cookie dough, and just
plain repellent. And you once told me that my sexy faces made me look like I
had gas pains."
"Do you want me to come over and cheer you up?"
"Please do. Oh, and bring rope. I'm spying this wonderfully sturdy branch just
outside my window that would be perfect for hanging myself."
"O-kay! This is bad, Kurt, what happened?"
"Nothing. Just let me wallow in self-pity. Don't I get the right?"
"What sort of friend would I be if I did?"
"An obliging one?"
"Come on. Tell me."
"I'm a love pariah."
"Aren't we all."
"Blaine!"
"Was that a growl? So cute!"
"Kill. Me."
"No. Even if it meant getting that jacket of yours from Marc Jacob's Fall 2009
collection."
"Ugh. Dream on, bitch."
"You're mouthy when you're depressed. Good to know."
"No one wants me."
"…"
"Stop humming drunken karaoke choices!"
"…sorry. It's so catchy."
"Why do I only get crushes on boys that quite obviously want nothing to do with
me?"
"Someone I know?"
"You knowwho I'm talking about."
"Actually,no."
"Dave."
"Nope, doesn't ring a bell."
"Karofsky."
"You're not making any sense, Kurt."
"I'm hanging up on you and eating cupcake frosting right out of the can."
"Because, well, the only Dave Karofsky I know looks at you like he wants to
pick you up and spread you all over his morning toast."
"Liar."
"Never on such serious matters."
"He doesn't. Not anymore, if he ever did."
"Have you had a fall lately?"
"What?"
"'Cause if you did, by what I'm hearing, there's a likely chance you might have
fallen square on your head."
"Uhgh, Blaine. I can't handle complexity right now."
"Would you like me to give it to you straight? Now, there's an interesting turn
of phrase."
"Please."
"David Karofsky wants your babies, Kurt."
"Liar."
"Well, if you're gonna be like that –"
"He won't even kiss me! And yesterday – yesterday he kept talking about Puck's
guns, and Sam's ass, and god only knows what else!"
"Sam does have a very nice ass."
"Uhgh!"
"Kurt, come on."
"…"
"Kurt?"
"…"
"Well, this is new."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"You're a strong, independent man, Kurt."
"Fuck off."
"Well."
"Oh god, Blaine, I'm sorry, but I can't –"
"That boy loves you, Kurt."
"You don't know that. You saw us together for like, two minutes –"
"And I saw enough. Kurt, if I'm ever lucky enough to find someone who will just
look at me like that, I'm counting on you to make sure I never let him go. Just
like I'm doing now."
"I – I thought that too, but he wouldn't even get close to me, and when he
would, he always pulled away, and I checked, my breath was fine, there was
nothing specifically wrong with me, so it's him, he's confused out of his mind
–"
"Kurt, stop it."
"And I was the only gay kid he knew, so he forced himself in love with me, but
he's gone so far already, and he's leaving me behind, and it's not fucking
fair, because he made me fall for him, the stupid jerk made me fall for him,
with his stupid hands, and his stupid eyes, and his stupid voice, and his
stupid, stupid words!"
"Oh, Kurt…"
"What am I supposed to do now, Blaine, tell me, you always have all the
answers, don't you –"
"Not even close. Oh God, Kurt –"
"I never meant for this to happen, you know? I was going to be his mentor, but
then I was his friend, and I never thought he would be this guy, so what was I
supposed to do, how was I supposed to – notlike him, not want him, not need
him, god, it's like I can't go through the day in peace without hearing his
voice, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore! It's a mess, just a mess, such
a fucking mess, and he wasn't supposed to be the Kurt to my Blaine, he wasn't,
he wasn't, but if he was, then why can't I just find a nice shop assistant at
Bloomingdale's, why?"
"Don't cry, Kurt, please –"
"I have to, I really have to, because I'm dumb, and I always do this! I fall
too deep, I know that, but I thought I had control here, because it didn't feel
like this with Finn, or Samfor god's sake, or even you. With him it was just
there, but it wasn't, and I didn't notice it until it was too late, until it
was this thing, this huge messy thing, so what am I supposed to do now?"
"Hold up. Hold up, Kurt, I'll call you in five."
"Don't, I – I'm a disaster-zone all by myself, Blaine, I'm just –"
"…"
"Go ahead, save yourself."
"…"
"Where the fuck are my Kleenex?"
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Did you just call Finn and had him drive all the way here from Rachel's to
give me a hug?"
"Well, I figured it would take him less time than me to get there."
"I don't deserve to have friends."
"Was it a good hug?"
"I sort of slobbered all over his t-shirt, but he said it was fine. It made me
feel a little guilty for snapping at him over getting cranberry juice on my
Prada shirt the other day."
"No residual feelings, I hope. I was kinda on the fence with that, but I
figured it would be better than having you drown in heartbreak and despair."
"Uhgh, not you too. No, no feelings. Just nice. He's good at this brotherly
stuff."
"Oh, good. Feeling any better?"
"Strangely, yes. Oh, and Rachel sent me a written contract stating she will
voluntarily give at least five solos over to me during the next year, just to
cheer me up."
"That was nice of her."
"And possibly indicating of head trauma, but it's my gift horse now."
"About David –"
"Don't. I need a new box of Kleenex."
"Kurt, I don't know exactly what might be going through his head right now, but
I know feelings don't just disappear like that."
"Yoursdid."
"Come again?"
"You told me you loved me – and quite a few times at that."
"And I still do. I might have had romantic love and 'friendly' love a bit mixed
up, but it didn't just disappear. We just weren't – right for each other, or it
wasn't our time, what do I know. And, if I remember correctly, you said it
back, so stones and glass roofs, hum? We were attracted to each other and
confused things, Kurt."
"Well, maybe that's what happened to D-Dave."
"Kurt –"
"I'm – I'm okay. It's probably just midsummer allergies."
"I don't think Karofsky is the type of guy to mix up that sort of thing, Kurt,
I really don't."
"You don't know him."
"No, but you do. Can you honestly tell me, knowing him, that that guy feels
absolutely nothing for you?"
"He –"
"He's scared, Kurt. Who wouldn't be?"
"I g-guess –"
"What?"
"Maybe. I don't know. He says things sometimes, I –"
"Yes?"
"And there was the phone – sex thing."
"Have you talked to him about it?"
"Not yet."
"Well, I think you have a real miscommunication problem going there. You haveto
talk."
"We talk all the time! That was the problem to begin with!"
"I see. But if you can't tellhim, it doesn't mean you can't still let him know.
You know, the way we do best."
"What, singitto him?"
"Is it that far-fetched?"
"Are you serious? Me, serenading David Karofsky?"
"Stranger things have happened."
"No, they haven't. Trust me."
"Well, I'll leave you to sleep on it."
"Blaine!"
"Bye, Kurt!"
"Blaine Anderson, you manipulative puppet-master, don't hang up on me!"
"…"
"There is no way."
"…"
"No way."
"…"
"Oh god."
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Sorry, sorry, can't fucking figure out this fucking thing. Stupid phone."
"Hum, hi?"
"Got buttons where there shouldn't be any fucking buttons, I'll fucking swear
they change places when I'm not looking."
"Maybe you should just trade it in for a simple one. With voiced instructions.
Possibly a gold star system."
"Funny. Hi, Kurt."
"… hi."
"Wait, did I do something? Shit, I didn't reject your calls or something, did
I? 'Cause if I did, it was totally the thing's fault."
"It has a name, Dave, honestly."
"'S called 'ruining my fucking life', that's what. But, seriously, you okay?"
"I'm fine. Just allergies."
"Huh. Thought they would have come earlier."
"I was always a late bloomer."
"Hmm. So…"
"Yes?"
"Shit, don't even know how to –"
"What?"
"My mom wants you to come over some day."
"…"
"I know, that's what Isaid."
"I –"
"Look, you don't have to, alright? 'S just – she wants to meet you and shit."
"Oh. Am I cute, then?"
"What."
"Well, you said she –"
"What, no! 'S not like that!"
"Okay."
"Fuck, I don't even –"
"I should go. Finn's probably cooking up disaster wherever he is."
"Fuck Hudson, just –"
"I don't think he would be on board with that."
"Goddamn it, I – my dad told her about you, okay? Last year, my almost-
expulsion?"
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"She must hate me, David, what were you thinking? I can't!"
"Are you mental? Of course she doesn't, stop that, she just knows we've been
talking and that you're, hum, also gay, and that we're friends now. She's just
being all lame and weird about it."
"Is it weird for her to want to meet your friends?"
"I'm seventeen, for fuck's sake!"
"That was mature."
"Shut up."
"As was that. Are you sure she isn't grinding her axe right now?"
"I told you, she'd love you. You're like her dream son or whatever."
"Well, I did get her son almost-expelled."
"Her fucking son got himself almost-expelled, Fancy."
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"When do you want me?"
"… huh. What?"
"When would it be best for you to have me?"
"I, hum, I –"
"David!"
"… yeah?"
"Me. Your house. When?"
"Oh. Oh! Dunno, whenever you want."
"Tomorrow?"
"Yeah, sure. She's working the day shift at the hospital, but you can come over
after lunch – I mean, if you want to. You could eat with us, but it's probably
gonna be leftovers from whatever my dad cooks for dinner tonight. He's not
really the best cook in the world."
"Your mother is a doctor?"
"Nah, nurse. My grandparents couldn't afford medical school. But she likes it,
I guess."
"Oh, maybe I've met her. I spent entirely too much time in the hospital last
year."
"Don't think so, she works in the maternity ward. Says it curbs the reproducing
urge a bit, or whatever. Moms are fucking weird."
"She sounds nice."
"Oh, shit, fuck me in my big fucking mouth, Kurt, I didn't –"
"I know, David. It's fine."
"No, it fucking isn't, just kick me in the nuts next time you see me, okay? I
fucking deserve it."
"Don't be ridiculous. It's probably for the best if I eat here, Carole is going
to be out all day and Finn gets antsy and overly friendly with kitchen
appliances when he can't find the food right away."
"Hum. Traumatic experience?"
"Still trying to suppress. So, tomorrow around three?"
"Works for me. Aww, shit, my sister's gonna be home."
"Little one or big one?"
"… y'know, it's kinda sad that they're both shorter than me. Lil' one."
"I'll finally get to meet her, then."
"Yeah, sorry about that."
"Don't be mean. She doesn't hate me, does she?"
"What – no one hates you, Fancy, where the hell are you getting this?"
"Well, I'm guessing I wasn't your favorite person for a long time. I tremble at
what they might have heard about me."
"Not as much as you'd think."
"Oh?"
"Come on, are you serious? Like I was gonna talk to them about you. I mean,
with the bullying and then the –"
"The what?"
"I just didn't talk about you. For obvious reasons."
"Those being…?"
"You know."
"Actually, I don't."
"Yeah, Fancy, right. No one hates you, your ass is safe, and my sis' is gonna
have a fucking blast mouthing off about me."
"You're the most frustrating creature know to man, David."
"Why's that?"
"Oh, you know. So Alex, is it?"
"…huh, yeah. But you'd better call her Alexis, she hates it when I call her
Alex."
"That, I imagine, is the exact reason why you do it."
"Man of habits, huh, Fancy?"
"I already like her. We'll commiserate."
"Yeah, she used to love it when she was a baby, and she still doesn't mind Em
calling her that, but when it's me…"
"You have an aggravating personality. It might be that."
"Ouch."
"The truth must be freed."
"You're a pain."
"You love it. Hum, gotta go."
"What?"
"Plans must be made. Bye, David!"
"The fuck…"
"…"
"Bye, Fancy."
***** Always Up For A Laugh *****
Chapter Summary
     In which Kurt is not a girl and Dave is oh so good.
"Three, two, one…"
"…"
"Come on."
"… hi, Kurt."
"There he is."
"Bye, Kurt."
"Oh, don't be like that."
"I won't if you stop messing with me."
"I think you should start introducing variants. Like, "Hi, Fancy, or 'Hello,
Kurt', or even 'Howdy, partner', if you're looking to mix things up a bit. I
like the last one."
"Will you let it go?"
"But –"
"What's so fucking wrong with it, huh? Jesus."
"You always say it."
"'M being polite."
"You're never polite."
"Then I'm being nice."
"Nice is overrated."
"Tell me you come with a manual and that mine just go lost in the mail."
"I wouldn't know. Why?"
"You fucking said –"
"What? What did I say?"
"Nothing."
"Communication is the key, David."
"Fuck communication."
"And there goes the foundation of our entire society."
"Fuck society."
"You sure are in a mood today. What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Dave –"
"Shit, just – ignore me, alright? 'S just one of those days, I guess."
"I'm sorry. I wouldn't have said those things if I knew you were in a bad
mood."
"'S alright. It's stupid, I know, I just –"
"What? Dave, at this point you could probably tell me all about the collection
of human thumbs that you keep under the mattress and I wouldn't say a thing."
"Aww, didn't know you thought such nice things about me."
"What I meant to say was that we've heard all kinds of crap from each other.
We're at that point."
"Huh."
"Please."
"You said that you liked nice people. Once."
"I'm sure I did. Nice people are very likable. It's one of their best traits."
"No, you – you said you liked nice, okay? Not people like – like me, you liked
guys who said 'Hi, Kurt' and didn't call you f-fag, or whatever."
"…"
"Shit, it probably didn't even go like that, I just –"
"Hi, Dave."
"Hum. Hi, Kurt."
"So, are we still on for today?"
"… yeah. Yeah, of course we are. I mean, you're still coming, right?"
"I wouldn't miss it for the world."
"Awww."
"I can't wait to meet your mom. And your sister. And your dog. Is your dad
home?"
"No, but you made your point. What am I, yesterday's trash?"
"Yesterday? Don't flatter yourself, David."
"Ouch. Hey, Fancy, I'm gay."
"… I'm sure you'll explain how is that in any way relevant to the subject."
"Was expecting a little 'I'm so proud of you, David!', that's all."
"Well, maybe you should have treasured it while you had it."
"Oh."
"But I am."
"Oh."
"Stop smirking, I can hear it in your voice."
"Sorry."
"You're insufferable."
"You like it."
"Do I, now."
"You're my friend. You care."
"Oh, look, my hair is positively disgraceful. I'll have to wash it, and it'll
probably take all afternoon, will you look at that."
"Jesus, don't, my mom will start thinking you're some imaginary phone-buddy I
came up with to deal with my sexuality crisis, or some shit."
"Hum. Then I'm bringing whatever is left from my math summer work and you're
helping me with it."
"Sure."
"Nerd."
"Geek."
"Gleek, if you please."
"… seriously?"
"Hmph. How is it going with your new phone, then? You don't sound nearly as
frustrated as you did yesterday."
"I'm kinda… I don't know, it's growing on me? It's sorta cute, it's got these
crazy badass icons, and real awesome graphics, and it's all sleek and stuff."
"Why, David, I think you might be in love!"
"Shut up. It's really high-maintenance, though. Loves to fuck with my head."
"The phone?"
"What else?"
"… I – I don't know."
"Good thing Willy ate my other one."
"I g-guess."
"Fancy?"
"What?"
"Hum."
"Articulation, thy name is David. Why don't you try to get your old number
back, then?"
"Figured it was a good way as any to throw the Mob off my trail."
"Your phone probably as some camouflage function, somewhere."
"Hmm, maybe. It's really neat. Crazy talented."
"For a mobile phone?"
"Yep."
"God, Dave."
"What?"
"I don't even know."
"Hum. Okay. Want me to wait?"
"Wait?"
"Till you remember?"
"Remember what?"
"What you were gonna say."
"I wasn't gonna say anything."
"Okay."
"Were you?"
"Not really."
"…"
"By the way, sorry to disappoint but you're not gonna be meeting my dog today."
"I – why?"
"He ate my phone."
"Don't tell me you kicked him out. Honestly, David."
"Huh, it hasn't – come out yet, if you know what I mean."
"What hasn't – Oh! Oh. Ew. Ouch."
"Pretty much. My dad left him at the vet before work, he's gonna spend the
night."
"What size was – no, no, we are not discussing this. Subject change, please."
"Hmm. Help me with my U.S. history essay? And I still have this whale of a book
report to write."
"I'll do what I can. Which book?"
"Picture of something by this Dorian dude."
"Oh my god, are you serious?"
"What? It's not huge or something, is it? I already got a copy, but if that's
like, volume I, I'm –"
"David. Be glad that I know you have something in your head other than bird
seeds, or I would be forced to break off our intercourse entirely."
"Break off what?"
"At the very beginning of our romantic relationship, Blaine would make love to
me quite fervently quoting from that book."
"What in the fuck?"
"I'm sure we are to be very gay today, and have a splendid time together,
David."
"Ha, I totally know this, Em made me read Emma. I actually thought that sleaze
was humping her in the carriage."
"Shut up, Jane Austen is fabulous. And it's The Picture of Dorian Gray, you
lummox. By Oscar Wilde."
"That guy? He was on some list of Famous Dead Gays or something."
"Oh yes."
"Dude."
"Sorry you haven't read the book already?"
"Hum."
"That is exactly what I mean when I say you have to be educated. Honestly, not
to know about Oscar Wilde."
"Oh. Really?"
"What did you think it meant?"
"N-nothing."
"Mm-hmm."
"So. Huh. Gotta go eat."
"Page 13 to 21, Dave. For starters."
"… see you at three?"
"Sharp?"
"If you want."
"I'll be there."
"'Kay. Bye, Kurt."
"Bye, Dave."
"…"
"What –"
"…"
"Get away from the oven, Finn, I can smell the house fire that you think you're
cooking!"
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================
 
Kurt Fucking Hummel is coming to his house.
No, seriously, there are words in the English language that should never come
together in a sentence, okay? Like Hummel, and house, and his as in Dave's, as
in Kurt is coming to his house today and Dave still hasn't managed to scrub off
the fucking immortal patch of mold in his and Alex's bathroom. No one ever
managed to clean that off, so he isn't feeling as incompetent and pathetic as
he probably should, because, fuck, the spot came with the house, it gloriously
burst through four layers of paint since they moved in, and there is no fucking
rotting problem on the roof for fuck's sake, there never has been, this was
just the god of realtors' way of fucking around with the Karofsky family, God's
own hilarious way of royally fucking up Dave's life, because Kurt is going to
look up once, blink, wrinkle that cute little nose of his, and evaporate sooner
than it'll take for Dave to say 'It's kinda part of the family, now.'
And Dave is not risking losing whatever this is with Kurt, this constant mood-
swinging, sheets-staining, mind-fucking, blue-balls-inducing, fuck-up of a
situation, hell no. Not over a lousy mold stain.
He gives up after the Active Detergent For Permanent Mold Removal starts
smoking through his gloves. It's not like he can't just tape one of Alex's old
drawings over it and pretend they're the lamest family alive, or, you know,
just lock the goddamn bathroom and tell Kurt they're renovating. Right?
Right.
He showers with his head bent, his neck aching in hot, throbbing pain under the
scalding water; a whole hour of standing on a ladder looking up at an ugly-ass
mold stain sure has its setbacks. The Sistine Chapel sure turned out kind of
awesome, but Dave can't even manage to clean his own bathroom ceiling.
He washes himself quickly and tad bit paranoid, tossing around 'chubby boys'
and 'sweat too much' in his head. And, yeah, right, of fucking course that
leads to him thinking of Kurt, of naked collarbones and sharp hipbones under
soft blue fabric, and shit, he has already jerked off twice since he woke up,
because clearly his subconscious has decided that he doesn't think enough about
Kurt during the day as it is, so he had been dreaming the whole damn night,
woke up tired than when he'd gone to bed in the first place, and so fucking
turned on that it had taken him only one and a half strokes before he was
coming all over his new 'Fuck H8' t-shirt.
Because, yeah, his mom is fucking insane, probably one bong too many during
college, and she honestly thought that Dave was going to walk around with a t-
shirt saying 'Some Dudes Marry Dudes'. Yeah, no fucking way. But it still bums
him that it has gotten wrecked so soon. It was kind of growing on him, the
fucking shirt, but it's probably for the best, it made him think things that he
should never think about, because Kurt had said so, the world is no fair place,
and some dudes might marry dudes, but prom-queen-divas did not marry fat-ass-
bullies, and where the fuck has his mind gone to now, it's like he can't get
distracted for a single goddamn second, and, oh, right, there it is, his hand
on his dick, the other one palm-forward on the wet tiles, his teeth biting hard
on his bottom lip, his eyelids firmly shut –
"You'd be my first."
– against bright blue eyes and slender, lovely fingers on his arm, soft pink
lips and –
"You can – you can kiss them."
– fuck, he just wanted to be left alone, have a friend come over without having
to go into full panic-mode over askew dishtowels and the appropriate ratio of
tiny soaps per bathroom, right, thank you ever so much. Why couldn't he just be
Kurt's friend, just a goddamn decent friend to him, instead of this perverted/
obsessed hybrid-stalker-creep rubbing one off in the shower with his eyes
closed because he can't stand to look at himself, it doesn't matter how
disgusted Fancy might be, Dave is perfectly capable of punishing himself
extremely well, yes he is.
"I would never forget you, David."
His hand is fast and unforgiving around his cock, like always when he thinks of
Kurt, because this isn't right, Fancy doesn't deserve this, but fuck,
fuck, fuck, so fucking gorgeous leaning against his truck, more beautiful than
it should be allowed by law, and Dave knows that can't be his to touch, to
want, to lust after, to fucking love and adore and goddamn worship, and his
thumb sweeps over the head of his dick with painful pressure and Kurt's skin
would be flushed and damp – and he would look up at Dave with fucking hearts in
his eyes and crook one finger and Dave would do anything he wanted, really
he would, drop to the floor on his knees in fucking adoration or just drop and
let Kurt step all over him. He presses his lips in a tight desperate line,
biting the inside of his cheek and breathing heavily through his nose.
"Oh, Dave…"
But Kurt wouldn't. He fucking wouldn't, and Dave hates him all the more for it,
loves him impossibly more for it, because Kurt is seriously the better guy
here, because he is so fucking gorgeous, and so fucking kind, and too fucking
good for the likes of him, he is, he is,even at his most bitchy and
unreasonable and snobbish. So Dave is lost, he really is, because he wishes he
could just say that the guy was hot bastard and move the fuck on, but Hummel
won't let him, no, he has to go and be all understanding, and sweet,
and nice when Dave expects it the least. Having the fucking sluttiest looking
mouth Dave has ever seen isn't enough, having those eyes isn't enough, and
that neck, and those wrists, and those legs and that fucking perfect ass, he
would look awesome on Dave's bed, and he would pull Dave in and breathe his
name in that voice, and Dave would come all over Kurt's creamy skin instead of
on the blindingly white tiles of the shower like just now.
Dave stands under the spray with his head still bent and his eyes still closed
long after everything washes away. The water turns cold, an all-different bite
to his skin, so he sighs and turns it off, sick to his goddamn soul of self-
punishment. He is careful not to leave any puddles on the spotless bathroom
floor as he towels himself off hastily.
Alex's door is closed, probably locked after this morning wake-up call, so he
kicks it lightly on his way to the stairs, smirking at her grumbled "Done!"
from behind the wood.
It's still twenty minutes till Kurt arrives, se he just focus on sitting still
in his bedroom and not disturbing anything too much.
At eight minutes to three, the eerie tidiness of his room is so annoying that
he topples his stapler over the edge of the desk, watching blankly as it drops
to the floor with a solid thud. He picks it up again, sighing heavily.
At two to three, his phone rings and Dave thinks huh, so this is what an heart
attack feels like and of course it isn't, he must be picking up the drama from
Fancy. Who, by the way, isn't the caller, the caller is MOM, and she needs him
to check the weather for the weekend for some reason or another, which he does,
texting her the full report in hope it might take up the whole two minutes to
type it out.
It does, but the doorbell doesn't ring.
He gets up, fully intending to make himself a sandwich, because he swallowed
like, two mouthfuls of his dad's roast before feeling decently punished for
most of his misdeeds, and the sandwich might take three and a half minutes out
of his waiting, so that's good. He stops halfway to the kitchen and retracts,
because he can't fucking undress anywhere near a mirror anymore, not since that
day, so if he's eating something it's either going to be a carrot stick or
nothing at all, and Dave fucking hates carrots ever since third grade when Todd
Wyler from fifth grade told him they were petrified penises. Which might
explain a lot of his issues, but Dave isn't really feeling up to introspection
right now.
It's a quarter past three when Kurt texts him a fumbled one-sentence message
about Finn and a toilet and a flood and blubbering idiot, and Dave is totally
going to call Fancy out on using the word 'flood' when 'the water would just
rush out', and it's not like he gives Dave any slack on shit like this anyway,
but then he remembers what he was actually doing instead before he made the
story up, and dismisses the thought. And, well, fuck, now he's thinking
that Fancy might have made it up as well – Dave is getting a little suspicious
of all the Finn related incidents after all – and he's half mad at Kurt for not
telling him straight up that no, he has no intention of coming over to Dave's…
and half delirious thinking of how exactly Kurt might be using that time, if it
is in any way similar to the way Dave used it.
His cock twitches hopefully, but he snarls and presses the heel of his hand
hard against his crotch, gritting his teeth. The first time it was relief, the
second was foresight, the third left him feeling slightly sick to his stomach
and depraved, the fourth time won't happen until Fancy is gone and Dave's balls
are purple from all the unintentional flirting he's been reading from Kurt. If
he's going to be seeing more of the other boy – seeing him more, that is, not
like Dave would fucking mind at all seeing more, and more, and fucking
everything of Kurt – he has got to practice self control. And yeah, three times
in roughly six hours is a lousy rep, but he is no fucking saint, and he doubts
any of those ever had to deal with Kurt Fucking Hummel.
It's half past three when a car pulls into his driveway and Dave spills half of
the cereal he had been listlessly pouring into a bowl. He curses when the
doorbell rings and he has got yellow dust all over his shirt and jeans; he
trashes the whole thing, wincing because they are Alex's favorite and there
will be hell to pay for the following week. There's no second ring, so either
Kurt up and left, or he's one of the half a dozen decent people in the world
who let others get to the fucking door without attempting to burst anyone's
eardrums.
Dave opens the door, silently praying for the latter.
Fuck.
Will you just fucking look at him.
He gets an immediate understanding of the phrase "sight for sore eyes", because
his eyes might be technically fine, but it's the middle of the afternoon and
he's already exhausted, okay, and Kurt is justthere, fresh and bright-eyed and
smiling warmly at Dave, and he's standing on Dave's fucking doorway, for God's
sake, talk about surreal.
"Hi, Dave."
Hi.
He manages it in his mind, but it never actually comes out. He gives something
close to a grunt instead, and nods, letting Kurt in. The shorter boy watches as
he closes the door with fumbling fingers.
"Are you mad at me?"
Dave busies himself with the chain-lock, fiddling with it because his dad has a
big-city bred paranoia about security, but his mom leaves it unlocked as often
as she can, so. Dilemma here.
"Because if you are, it's completely unfair and you should totally take it out
on Finn. I'll stand three feet behind to supply you with energetic drinks and
moral support."
He snorts in spite of himself, in spite of this whole fucking thunderstorm he's
trying to keep away from Kurt, because he's here, he's fucking here, in Dave's
house, what is his life.
"You should just leave him chained in the attic from now on," he finally lets
out, absurdly proud at how unshaken his voice sounds.
"One of my many proposals. Apparently it's anti-humanitarian."
"Hum. Go figure. Well, at least you're here now, right?"
Kurt grins, so wide it seems to take over all of his face, and Dave wants to
punch his own goddamn eyeballs in, he's not going to make it through the rest
of the day, he's going to fuck this up somehow, he can just feel it, how is he
going to manage being friends with this guy when all he can think of is –
"Please tell me you're allowed into the rest of the house," Kurt says suddenly,
twisting his nose a bit. "Although the hallway is lovely. Your work?," he asks,
glancing at three colorful handprints on the otherwise spotless wall with a
quirked eyebrow.
There he is. The tension in Dave's body floods out so suddenly that he feels
weak. He narrows his eyes at Kurt.
"Hey, no hating. It's our best heartwarming family moment." Kurt looks at him
expectantly. "See, this one," Dave points at the bright blue handprint, smaller
than the other two, "it's Alex's."
Kurt appraises it silently making Dave chuckle and take pity on him
"Someone went and gave her finger paint for her second birthday, and she was
really good about it, never painted outside the paper. Then, one day, Em comes
early from school and Alex comes running after me to answer the door. She was
painting all day, you know, never got tired of that shit. " Dave pauses
meaningfully, smirking as Kurt bites his lip, probably sympathizing with
younger Dave's parents. "Next thing we know, the wall's got splashes and
blotches all over, and it must have been the really cheap kind of paint, 'cause
that stuff is supposed to come out easy, right, but it doesn't, and there's Em
scrubbing like an OCD person, me splashing water all over it, and Alex crying
her eyes out on the floor."
Kurt winces.
"And your parents?"
"My mom went ballistic. Like, they'd just had the house repainted, and
everything was real nice, and out of nowhere there's a fucking giant spot on
the wall that looks a little like barf cause we scrubbed all sorts of shit over
it, you've got no idea." Dave shakes his head and sweeps his finger down the
wall slowly, turning away from Kurt. "But my dad just – he takes one look at
Alex, right, and he's the worst guy when it comes to tough love, 'cause all we
had to do when we were little was squeeze out a tear and he would just take
back everything, take us out for ice cream and shit, even."
He looks to the side surprised when Kurt lets out a giggle. He lifts his
eyebrows and the other boy rushes to cover his mouth, mortified.
"I – that always worked on my father, too. I only had to rub my eyes hard, make
them a little red, and it would be open cookie jar all day. Although, he did
caught on eventually."
"Yeah?" says Dave softly, staring wonderingly into Kurt's eyes. He clears his
throat when Kurt shoots him a bemused look, and turns back to the three
handprints.
"So. My dad. He calms my mom down a bit, takes out the diluent and cleans the
whole thing up. But, you know, Alex is still crying, 'cause she just hated
getting messy, and then my mom was yelling at everyone, and it's stupid and
dumb 'cause she was a just a baby, and babies do shit like that all the time,
but she wouldn't stop crying until my dad got it all out."
There's a creak of wood upstairs and Dave looks up. Nothing follows, so he
shrugs at Kurt and continues.
"Then, he gets the paint and pours a little in her hand, and she almost starts
crying again until Em gets some of it in hers and presses right here, see?" he
asks, pointing to the green handprint. "And gets some on my hand and makes me
do the same," he goes on, brushing over the red mark. "My mom still looks like
she could just pick us up, box us, stamp us, and send us on the next shuttle to
the fucking moon, but she takes Alex's hand and," he points to the blue mark.
Kurt crouches to be on eye-level with it, dropping his messenger bag on the
floor, and Dave pointedly looks away from the stretch that it causes on the
back of his dark jeans.
"Strong stuff, huh? They tossed it all out after, gave Alex a puzzle," he says,
overly conscious of Kurt's head just inches from his thigh. "Worst fucking idea
ever, if you ask me, she practically eats and breaths that stuff."
Kurt hums in response, and slowly outlines the red handprint with his finger.
He's still crouching, his jeans still obscenely tight over his ass, and he's
cocking his head wonderingly as if little Dave's mark is the most fascinating
thing in the entire goddamn universe, Jesus, it's not cave paintings or Da
Vinci, for fuck's sake, and his mouth looks impossibly pink and soft in the
shadowy hallway, Kurt's mouth, fuck, and it's just inches from his crotch, for
real, what is he even doing down there, it's fucking stupid, just kids' stuff,
but his mouth, God, parted and slack, looks so fucking vulnerable, he can see a
flash of tongue coming out to brush his lower lip, fuck, fuck, fuck, and Dave
has to back away least his hard-on bumps into Kurt's forehead.
There's no way. God, what was he even thinking, where did he think they were
going with this, this friends stuff, this being within touching distance of
each other, this non-date shit, this bringing Kurt home to meet his mom, what
the fuck even.
Kurt looks up suddenly. Dave clears his throat and takes one unnecessary step
back, wiping his sweaty hands on the rough fabric of his jeans.
"It kind of makes me wish I had siblings growing up," says Kurt wistfully,
standing up in one graceful motion. Dave manages not to gawk. "Although Finn
seems quite determined at compensating me for it."
Why the fuck are they even talking about Hudson. Dave should just go for it
now, when Kurt is just there, this fucking delightful shade of a smile on his
lips, and if Dave gave three steps forward Kurt would have to back one into the
wall, or not at all, just stand his ground like a challenge, like this whole
thing is just a fucking game for him, and Dave will set him right, he will push
him back, press himself all over Kurt, who needs personal space anyway, and
he'll just do everything he has dreamed of, he has tons of dreams stored up.
Sure, most of them end insanely ridiculous like every dream, with him and Kurt
winning an all-you-can-eat cheese buffet for couples, but parts of them are
pretty graphic, and pretty hot, and fuck, if Dave had the right connections he
would be a porn-industry gazillionaire before graduation.
"Yeah, well, it's not all it's cracked up to be," he says ruefully. He glares
at the wood tiles when Kurt steps forward. They're really nice, and they just
got the floors done, so it would be a shame not to admire them at all possible
times.
"Most things generally aren't," Kurt says softly, too close.
Dave swallows, hands clenching and unclenching at his side as if itching for
something, a good fight, maybe. They do that a lot when Kurt's around.
"Like clown themed parties. And parades." Kurt licks his lips. "And dapper,
private school boyfriends."
Dave looks up sharply at that, which, mistake. Kurt's eyes are fixed on him,
and Dave wonders if he's got some kind of gay hypno skills that Dave hasn't
come into yet.
"Yeah?"
Kurt shrugs one shoulder, his lips crooked in a strange smile. His hand reaches
up and Jesus Christ, he can't believe this, did he even get out of bed this
morning, they're this fucking close in his fucking hallway, and Kurt looks like
– he looks like he is going to –
"Do you know you've got some sort of yellow dust all over your clothes?" Kurt
asks, looking down and brushing lightly at Dave's shirt.
So. Dave has wanted to die before, has considered it very seriously, and now
it's seems like the best idea in the world because he can't, alright, he
just can't.
How is this his life, seriously.
"Yeah, I, huh – cereal."
Kurt hmms in response, and just keeps brushing Dave's shoulders, apparently
determined to get everything off.
"We should –"
"Did you shower in it? Honestly, David," Kurt mutters, furrowing his brow.
"Whatever."
"And it's such a nice shirt," he says, adjusting the collar slightly.
Right the fuck now would be a good time as any for Dave to keel over and die,
really, because Kurt's just asking for it, Christ, Dave's not made of stone,
and he has been so good, he's so good.
"It's a good fabric. Your mother's choice?"
"As if I can't pick out my own clothes."
"Considering what you bring to school on most days, no. Besides, you went along
with Santana's design for the Bullywhips, which makes me think you're easily
led." Kurt is fucking petting his shirt, now. "This looks very good on you. Red
is precisely your color."
Dave is starting to feel a little dizzy. If it were anyone else in front of him
now he wouldn't hesitate, but it's Kurt, and Kurt trusts him, he said so, and
it wouldn't fucking matter if it were anyone else in front of him, would it,
because the only person in the world he wants to kiss is Kurt, which brings him
back to the starting point, because he can't, he fucking can't.
"Em."
"What?"
"Em gave me this shirt." He grits his teeth as Kurt's hands fall and he steps
away with an approving nod.
"You should let her dress you more often." Kurt smirks at him, picking up his
bag. "Now, will you be showing me around, or should I just make myself
comfortable right here?"
Funny guy, Fancy. Hilarious guy.
Dave's life, right?
What a fucking riot.
 
===============================================================================
 
"So, huh, kitchen."
Kurt looks around, quirking one eyebrow.
"I hadn't noticed. You have an extremely stealthy kitchen."
And you're extremely bitchy today, so, but he won't say it because he's being a
nice guy, because he's being oh so good.
"Hey, you wanted me to show you around," says Dave, opening the fridge and
peering inside. "No Diet, sorry. You good with regular?"
Kurt wrinkles his nose and Dave waits patiently for the guy to quit adding
calories in his head. The irony isn't lost on him, since in this kitchen it
definitely isn't Kurt who should be counting calories, but fuck it.
"If I must," he finally says, sighing and brushing imaginary dust off his coat.
Dave wants to kill him, slow and bloody, because he shouldn't find this quirky
and cute, Fancy trying to be an ass, it should rub him in all the wrong ways,
and it doesn't, and he can't make it seem like it does. He just grabs the
regular Coke, pours it into two glasses, slams his own on the counter and hands
Fancy his with one of the nice napkins.
They sip it quietly, Kurt staring at him pensively over the brim of the glass.
Dave is very consciously trying not to stare back, so he focuses on Kurt's
coat, which is an interesting shade of green that probably has a totally
different name, but to Dave it just looks green. And way to warm for this kind
of weather.
"Aren't you hot?" and he regrets it immediately when Kurt's eyebrows shoot up.
"I mean – it's hot today. And the coat," he waves at Kurt's middle, "looks
kinda hot, too."
"Sacrifices must me made, David," Kurt says mildly.
"What, in the name of fashion?"
"Not today."
Dave snorts and leans against the counter, trying to be covert about the way
his eyes stray to the front of Kurt's jeans.
"It may be hard for you to grasp this, David –"
Was he fucking serious?
" – but I am more than my clothes."
"When did I ever –"
"Maybe you haven't realized it yet, but I am a whole person, not some two cent
caricature."
Kurt is glaring at him, and Dave had never gotten the concept of 'flashing
eyes' before, but fuck him if he hasn't now.
"Tangent, Fancy."
"Hmpf."
It catches him by surprise – this is Kurt backing down. He's pissy today, over
whatever's been eating him up lately, and he wants to take it out on someone,
but Dave has been assured many times by Kurt Hummel himself that they are, in
fact, friends, and it might piss him off royally, but shit, they are. And he
can take Kurt down a peg if he wants to, without Kurt storming off and never
speaking to him again, and Kurt can say anything he damn well pleases to his
face without ever being afraid again. It feels nice for a second – then it
feels fucking frustrating, because he lives in fear of being permanently
friend-zoned by Fancy, and that would majorly suck.
But, hey, at least he gets to ogle the guy while doing it.
As far as minor epiphanies go, this one isn't half-bad.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"And who's this?" Kurt whispered to Dave, startled.
They hadn't been facing the door, and suddenly there was a young girl with wavy
brown hair standing by one of the cupboards. Her nose was stuck in a large book
and she didn't seem to have taken notice of the two boys staring at her. She
reached out blindly to take an apple, biting into it without ever acknowledging
any of them and started walking back to the door.
"And that's Alex," Dave said, shaking his head.
"Oh."
The girl shrieked, dropping both book and apple. She turned to them unplucking
the earplugs that had till them remained hidden by her hair, her eyes wide with
fright. She dismissed Dave with an annoyed glance but took Kurt in curiously.
"You're not a girl," she said, almost accusingly.
"And your eyesight is much better than that of half the student body at my
school," tried Kurt, smiling nervously.
She picked up the book and the apple and placed them on the counter, never
looking away from him. He looked at Dave for answers, but the other boy was
still watching his sister cautiously.
"Alex?"
"I thought you were a girl," she said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"So does the aforementioned half of the student body, apparently. They keep
directing me to the girls' bathroom," said Kurt with a suffering sigh. Dave
blushed and looked down.
"You're not," she insisted.
"Alex –"
"Does Em know?" she hissed at Dave. "I bet she does. I bet you called her right
away."
Kurt frowned as Dave took one step back, looking uncomfortable.
"Would you tell your sister?" she questioned, turning to Kurt, but not even
giving him time to answer before continuing. "I mean, if you had spent the
whole morning running back and forth with a vacuum cleaner, and stomping around
the house with your big feet, and doing laundry when she sleeps right next to
the laundry room. When she was feeling like sleeping in, for once. Would you
have told her?"
"Alex."
"No, you," she snarled, turning to Dave, "would have told her to shut her face
and take her shoes off, 'cause she's leaving marks on the tiles. You would have
thrown the vacuum into her room at eight in the morning and ordered her to get
her lazy ass of the bed and make herself useful."
"What, you can't clean your own room now and –"
"I clean my room everyday! I dust my books every week! And I always do the
dishes, and I always feed Willy, and my ass is never lazy!"
"Yeah right, what about that time when mom and dad –"
"Like you have a leg to stand on, you had sentient mold under your closet –"
"Well, if you'd clean off your own hair off the goddamn drain, I dunno, every
time you shower –"
"And if you think I like wiping off shaving cream from the sink –"
"Please, that science experiment you kept in the freezer and just forgot there
–"
"And your gym bag, God, what do they make you do at school, douse in rotten
eggs –"
Kurt couldn't help it. It had started with small sniggers and soon turned into
a fit of giggles so aggressive he had to double over, clutching his stomach.
David had one palm planted on the wooden table and the other fisting at his
side, his jaw clenched tightly. His face had become a little blotchy and once
in a while he would actually stomp his foot in order to make a point. His
sister had her hands on her hips and her nose so high in the hair that she was
almost tipping back. And she looked miniscule, dwarfed by Dave's large frame,
but her back was ramrod straight as she challenged her brother.
She glanced away from Dave when she heard Kurt, and her posture relaxed
slightly. She arched her eyebrows.
"Tell me, wouldn't you tell the sister who had to have breakfast every morning
with an hairy asshole instead of her usually somewhat-tolerable brother for
over a year?"
"Tell what, exactly?"
Alexis stared at him despairingly.
"You're not a girl! And everyone's been walking on eggshells around the house
for these last few days, and he was cleaning, and you are. Not. A girl!"
Dave cleared his throat and made a move forward, but she skipped back.
"Would you tell the sister you remember to call once in a blue moon? Yes, you
would, because that's the important sister, the cool big sister, because Alexis
is just a kid, and Alexis is gonna throw a tantrum if her brother as much as
hints that he's gay!"
"Fuck, Alex, shut up!" David's knuckles met the table hard, making Kurt wince.
Whether for the table or Dave's hand he didn't know. "Maybe it's none of your
business, ever thought of that?"
Alexis shook her head at him in annoyance.
"It became my business when you shoved a bucket and a mop in my room and told
me to get moving if I ever wanted a ride this summer!"
"Forget it, you can walk."
"Argh!" She threw her hands up and turned to face Kurt. "You know," she said,
looking him up and down, "I'll bet you my two years savings that you could get
a dozen guys worth a dozen of him," she waved at her brother," in the flash of
an eye, I'm sure you could. Did he brainwash you?"
Kurt was still having trouble keeping himself in check, but managed to sober up
at the sight of her tiny earnest face and Dave's thunderous expression.
"We're not –"
"He can pull of a beret like nobody's business," cut Kurt, shrugging. "And also
happens to look pretty good in formal wear," he added with a sly smile,
watching out of the corner of his eye as David spluttered and closed his mouth,
his face a violent shade of red.
Alexis eyed him warily for a moment, and then her eyes sharpened.
"You're – you're that boy, aren't you? Hummel? The one that almost got him
expelled? Not that I blame you," she added hurriedly.
Kurt smiled and held out his hand.
"Call me Kurt, please."
"Alexis," she offered taking his hand with a serious expression.
Letting go, she picked up the apple again, giving it a pretty ferocious bite.
Kurt cringed.
"Isn't – shouldn't you be washing that?"
She smirked around the fruit and pointed at Dave.
"He washed the floor three times today. Once he even used bleach. I think I'm
good," she said airily, grabbing her book and walking to the door. With one
last look at Kurt, she added, "You know, if you dump him, I'm never breaking
your legs or anything. I will totally understand."
"Shit, Alex, we're not together!" Dave positively bellowed, making Kurt flinch
and cover his ears.
"Oh. Sucks to be you, then, Davey," she quipped, snickering as she ducked out
of sight.
The two boys stood in silent for a while until Dave turned to Kurt with a
painfully blank expression.
"So, living-room?"
"She is… something, David."
Dave sighed in annoyance, spreading out his hands slightly.
"See? Not all it's cracked out to be. You think you've got it bad with Finn?"
He grabbed their glasses and placed them in the sink, very deliberately turning
away from Kurt. "At least he doesn't have ovaries."
"Actually, I think she cares a lot about you. You should have told her."
The taller boy braced his hands on the counter, staring down at the water
faucet.
"You got that from all the warm praise and general loving behavior, huh?"
"She was checking me out," Kurt said with a fond smile at Dave's back.
"She's twelve, Fancy, get a hold of you ego."
"Not like that, obviously. She wanted to make sure I was good enough for her
brother." Kurt tilted his head, weighting his words. "I'm pleased to know I've
met her standards."
"Standards?" asked Dave quietly, finally turning around.
It had been so much easier talking to Dave's back. Dave's back was not nearly
as intimidating as Dave's eyes.
"S-so, living-room?" Kurt pleaded, disgusted at his stutter.
"Kurt –"
"What?" His voice sounded much too anxious.
"Nothing."
"David."
"Living-room," Dave said determinedly, walking past Kurt and out the door.
"Living-room," muttered Kurt under his breath, disgusted at his own cowardice.
***** He's A Pain In The Ass *****
Chapter Summary
     In which Kurt is huggable and Dave is totally faking it.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Dave's bedroom was... not what Kurt had been expecting.
It was very tidy. And yes, if what Alexis had said was to be taken at face
value, it was much tidier than usual, but still. Unlike most boy's bedrooms
that he had ever been in – read: Finn's – it honestly didn't look like he might
get crushed under an avalanche of dirty laundry if he as much as dared peek
inside Dave's closet.
Ha.
Kurt allowed himself a swift mental golf clap at that and proceeded to look
around. It was a ground-level room, which was also unexpected, in a way. Having
lived underground for years himself, Kurt still found his new bedroom far too
accessible sometimes, so he didn't think he could get used to sleeping like
this.
Of course, if he were to sleep here, David would most likely be sleeping with
him – which must sweeten the deal quite a bit.
He nearly chided himself for the route his mind was taking, but to what point?
He was very obviously attracted to David, even if the other boy simply refused
to do anything about it, and if he wanted to contemplate which one would be the
big spoon he would, damn it. David Karofsky was male, gay, and had, at some
point in the past, expressed a very clear interest in seeing Kurt naked, even
if he had been seeming insufferably amnesiac about it for some time now.
Dave gestured wordlessly to the swivel chair in front of the desk and settled
himself on the bed, a sturdy queen-size one with a dark blue coverlet. The
walls were done in a creamy ecru color, the dark but soft reds and blues of the
room and the solid-looking wooden furniture giving it a homey feeling. Kurt
could appreciate it, even if the contents were a little too mismatched for his
taste, and the posters hanging by the bed depicted bands he had never even
heard of.
"You know the first thing I did after my parents found out?" Dave asked
suddenly.
Kurt shook his head, sitting down on the offered chair. It sank a little under
his weight, which made him suck in his stomach for a panicked moment, but it
looked well worn and already past its best years, so it was probably not
entirely his fault.
"Take down my three-set of Pamela Anderson posters," said Dave gleefully,
leaning against the headboard with his hands behind his head. "I know, I know.
Classic over-compensation, right?"
Kurt licked his lips, watching the muscles of Dave's upper arms strain against
the fabric of his shirtsleeves.
"A defining moment in your life, I'm sure."
"Meh, thought it would be a lot more liberating," he said, shrugging his
shoulders once. "She kinda grew on me over the years, I guess."
"Her or her breasts?"
"Totally a breast man, Fancy, you got me there, don't know how I'm gonna
survive this being gay thing, it sucks." Dave grinned at him and winked, making
Kurt bless his luck for having sat down in time. "But seriously, I kinda miss
it now. Looks a little empty." He looked around at the walls, sighing in mock
drama.
"Don't worry, I'll order a brand new framed set and give it to you as a
birthday present." Kurt paused, running his fingers over the dented wood of the
edge of the desk. "Which will be on the…?"
"Aww, Fancy. Aren't you sweet."
"On the…?"
Dave smirked and let his head fall back against the wall, closing his eyes.
Kurt looked away, feeling his heart pick up significantly.
"You're not gonna, like, slushy me on the day, are you?" the other boy asked,
his eyes still closed.
"I can safely say I would never use slushying as revenge on any human being."
Kurt frowned. "Or on any being, period."
Dave squinted at him.
"Not even on me?"
"Not even on you."
"Hum."
Kurt rolled his eyes and opened his bag, determined to get at leasthomework out
of this back and forth afternoon.
As if anyone could concentrate under this insane amount of stress.
He pursed his lips and breathed in deeply.
"Especially not on you." There, he had said something. Now Dave could pick up
where Kurt left and make his move or he could just –
"Huh. So, 'bout your math homework?"
Do that.
"Kurt?"
David Karofsky was not worth it. This was a suffering of the most acute kind,
and Kurt was exhausted. He has been waking up exhausted, going to bed
exhausted, living his days by halves, counting the minutes between Dave's
calls.
The jock didn't deserve anything from Kurt, especially not after this.
His phone beeped. He glanced at Dave, who had just turned his head to face him,
and took it out of his pocket.
Courage.
No.
No.
Seriously?
What was wrong with Blaine, really, was his tie on too tight, had the
industrial hair gel fumes at last succeed in slaughtering all of his brain
cells, what, what wasthis, what was he even thinking, or else, did Blaine ever
even think about things?
He looked down again.
Courage.
It wasn't fitting. Blaine obviously thought it was; Blaine was probably in his
room, patting himself on the back and thinking that he was oh so smart, but he
wasn't. And if Kurt wasn't actually quite stupidly happy to be sitting on
Dave's chair right now, to be brushing his fingers over the same dents that
Dave had probably carved himself, to be feasting his starving eyes on the guy
that had been the most prominent – if not the sole – participant in most of
this summer's wet dreams, then Kurt would be getting in his car, driving all
the way to Westerville and very physically knocking some sense into the
Warbler's well-shaped but still incredibly thick skull.
"Is there something wrong?" asked Dave, sitting up again.
Kurt shook his head, unbelievably out of words. Blaine was so on his list, he
was so screwed with Kurt, he was –
Right.
Blaine was right.
Blaine was right, and Kurt was wrong, and fuck, he could not believe his life,
but Blaine was right about this, even if he hadn't been the first time around.
If Kurt had ever needed to grow a backbone, right nowwas the time.
"Hum, of course. It's just – text from Blaine," and he almost dropped to the
floor in rightful agony, because this was the worst possible thing that he
could say. 'Look, Godzilla is eating your flowerpots' would have been better;
'I'm giving you a 70s Cher makeover' would have been better – anything would
have been better as long as it wasn't this.
Kurt had always thought of himself as reasonably above the average on the
intelligence scale – the way Dave was drawing into himself right now, fiddling
with blank sheets of paper and every random item he could get a hold of, proved
him wrong, it blatantly screamed stupid at Kurt.
He started. Of course David liked him. Of course he had feelings for Kurt,
right, it was obvious, it was all there, why had he ever doubted it in the
first place; he knew Blaine's general attitude could rub a lot of people in the
wrong way but that was no reason for what Dave was doing – sulking and
pretending like he had nothing to sulk over at the same time. He was amazing at
it, which obviously meant that he was just plain awful, and Kurt was having
serious difficulties in containing the feelings bubbling just under his skin.
"So," he started, with no idea of how he would finish, "do you mind if I put on
some music, or is it harder for you to concentrate with noise?"
Kurt cringed inwardly. Of course. He hadto start planning this conversion of
thought into spoken word. He couldn't back out now; he had to actually go
through with it.
Dave gave him a morose one-shoulder shrug; Kurt had to smile, he really had to,
and that was actually the second sign of him being in way too deep for the guy.
The first sign was that he was actually going to go through with it.
He fished out his iPod and began to run through his setlists with trembling
fingers. He found it too fast, and went back to the beginning, trying to give
himself time to shake off the feeling of impending doom.
It started to play softly through the portable speakers, so he leant back on
the chair and began to go through his homework with painfully feigned
tranquility, biting his lip as Dave did the same, apparently unaffected by
Kurt's choice of soundtrack. He had messed around with the track a little,
lowering the volume of the vocals enough so his own could stand out – but he
was regretting it now. It would probably seem contrived, and Kurt had only
wanted it to feel natural, right. Flowing.
He was ready, immensely proud at how his voice never shook.
"Kiss me…"
He almost dropped the whole act when Dave's head shot up. However, he wasn't
doing anything, he never did anything, he was just staring at Kurt, his
eyebrows scrunching together.
"Nightly…"
Dave's head dropped down again. He started feverishly scribbling on his
notebook, making Kurt clench his jaw and almost miss the following note.
"Swing, swing…"
Dave kept writing.
"You'll wear those shoes and I will wear that kilt…"
Well that had certainly gotten his attention.
"Oh… kiss me…"
Then he was looking down yet again – but the tip of his pen was frozen on the
top of the page.
"Lead me… out on the moonlit floor…"
Kurt missed the next line as if by accident, as if he hadn't orchestrated the
whole thing, as if he didn't know the pauses he wanted by heart.
"Silver moon's sparkling…"
Dave's hand shook around the pen.
"So kiss me."
Kurt hummed along to the next lines, taking the time to read out a particularly
intricate math problem, trying to appear nonchalant about the whole thing. He
cursed himself quite creatively when he started hearing the scrap of pen on
paper again.
"Oh, kiss me… beneath the milky twilight…"
David had apparently hit a bout of inspiration. Kurt had never seen anyone more
enthused by English Puritanism.
"Lift your open hand…"
Maybe he should actually be paying attention to his own homework, instead of
wasting a fucking serenade on an absolute jerk.
"So kiss me."
There was a bothersome prickling at the corner of his eyes; Kurt bit the inside
of his cheek. David would certainly get an A+ on his paper.
"K-Kiss me…"
He could not do this.
Courage.
He could do this.
"And make the fireflies dance…"
Dave couldn't care less.
It was so obvious.
His eyes were positively burning now.
"So kiss me…"
It hurtto hear himself, ached in a very distinct, utterly humiliating way. It
sounded so much like begging.
"So kiss me…"
Kurt lowered his head over the desk, trying to make out the blurry words. He
could still hear the frantic scraping.
"So kiss me…"
He had expected to be toppled off the chair onto the ground and properly
ravished. That is, after that song, if there was but a scope of feeling for
Kurt left inside Dave, things could never go any other way, could they?
Wrong.
Wrong Kurt was wrong.
Because Dave was still staring intently at the probably Nobel-worthy essay in
front of him, his brow furrowed, his hand in a firm grip around his pen.
Kurt curbed the urge to just bang his head on the desk repeatedly. David
Karofsky so wasn't worth it. Kurt had never made his feelings more clear, what
possible room for misinterpretation was there? It had been just as mortifyingly
obvious as I Honestly Love You, and even Finn had gotten that point across.
But Dave.
There had to be something wrong with him. They were both guys, and both gay and
both possessors of hyperactive teenage hormones and both alive, for Liza's
sake. Even if he felt no more for Kurt than lukewarm friendship – Kurt's eyes
prickled again when his heart tugged violently – he was still human, wasn't he?
Kurt had practically presented himself to him, what was wrong with the guy.
He rolled his eyes as the song came on repeat and turned it off.
Of course Dave would look up at that.
"No more music?"
"I can't concentrate," retorted Kurt, glaring down at his own notebook.
Dave shook his head, laughing softly. He swung his long legs over the edge of
the bed, throwing both notes and pen aside.
"Gimme," he said, still amused, leaning forward and waving at Kurt's homework.
Kurt narrowed his eyes, turning the chair away from the bed, his mouth
scrunched in a petulant pout.
Suddenly he noticed a lone book next to David's laptop. He made a move for it;
Dave got up immediately, but Kurt was faster.
"Oh, oh. Getting ahead on your reading, were you?" he teased, sweeping his
finger over the creased binding.
Dave shrugged, feigning nonchalance.
"It's Em's. She let me borrow it." He made a face as Kurt examined one of the
many dog-eared pages eagerly. "I didn't even start reading it yet, those are
all hers."
Kurt sighed, closing the paperback and tapping the cover wistfully. "She just
might be my true soulmate, David. What are her thoughts on this season's must-
haves?"
Dave snorted, snatching Kurt's notebook and examining the haphazard
calculations. "You're not getting anywhere with her, Fancy. She never pays
attention to brand-stuff."
Kurt gave a small disappointed hum.
"And she's a girl. You know, with girl-parts." Dave grimaced. "Ugh, forget I
ever mentioned my sister's girl-parts, Jesus."
Kurt grinned up at him, quirking one eyebrow. Dave ducked his head, brow
furrowing as he perused Kurt's results.
"I think you're mixing up formulas here. This is all messed up."
"Math is messed up. It's a wonder anyone can like it." He glared snidely at
Dave's bent head.
"Stuff works out, I guess." Dave shrugged again, and leaned against his desk,
picking up a pencil. "Like, you get this huge-ass equation, right? But you know
that, if you just look at it right and follow the rules, it's gonna come down
to this really simple thing. And it's always like that. You don't need fancy
words, or talking out of your ass, 'cause you're either wrong or right about
it, no going half-way."
Kurt stared at him, his mouth gaping open slightly.
"You like the simplicity of it? I mean, the simplicity you see in it, because
all I see is half-mad ranting by numbers."
"What's there not to like?"
"But… things should be complex, and subtle, and multi-faceted, and layered. You
can't have simplicity in life and have it be complete."
"Who's talking about life? 'M talking about homework here, Fancy."
Kurt sighed loudly, uncrossing his legs and crossing them again.
"It's just so mechanical."
Dave stared at him.
"Why d'you always do that?"
"What?," snapped Kurt, pursing his lips.
"Go off like that. Not everything has a deeper meaning, you know? I like Math.
It's simple. I'm a simple guy."
"David Karofsky, you're anything but." Kurt smiled slightly, looking down at
the book still in his hands. He could feel Dave's eyes bore into the back of
his head.
"What do you mean?"
"Not everything has a deeper meaning, Dave," he echoed, biting the inside of
his cheek to keep from giggling at Dave's exasperated groan.
"Fine. Here, this is where you went wrong, see?" Dave's lips twitched when Kurt
scowled at the page. "You can be creative, but this is way over the top. You
can't just – there are rules."
"Have you met me?"
Dave gave him a shy, fond look, and Kurt almost jumped him right there and
then, because, well. Crushing on David was about as predictable as white water
rafting, and he was so desperate for this guy.
Pathetic.
But Dave was going on about variables and systems again, and if he didn't look
endearingly earnest when trying to be helpful, Kurt would kick him so hard he
would see variables all right, he would be seeing variables all night long.
He clutched the collar of his coat self-consciously, wavering between taking it
off now and hoping for Dave to get his mind in the game, or saving it for
later, when they have no more homework to hide behind. He glanced at the papers
strewn across Dave's bed wonderingly.
"Do you still need help with your essay?"
Dave paused mid-sentence and followed Kurt's gaze, his eyes widening.
"Huh. No, I think I – I think I got it, thanks."
Kurt tilted his head curiously when Dave started gathering his notes hastily,
dropping them into a drawer in his bedside table.
"Well, if you're sure –"
"Yeah. Yeah, it's fine," Dave assured him, scratching the back of his own neck
and looking away.
Kurt stared at him a little dumbfounded, but decided to wave it off for once.
"So. What exactly about my calculations is so astoundingly mind-boggling?"
 
===============================================================================
 
Dave swears under his breath when the doorbell rings. He knows instantly that
he shouldn't have locked it, but his mom has only rang once, which means she's
either in a really good mood or just remembered that Dave has a guest. He's
betting for the latter, knowing the first is damn near impossible when she gets
the day shift on a weekday.
His spine cracks when he gets up from the chair he snagged from Alex's room.
Tutoring Fancy, as unexpected as it was, is kind of absorbing, and he hadn't
noticed the weird curve his spine has been making for the last hour and a half.
Kurt glances at him questioningly, so Dave grunts 'mom' while rolling his neck
painfully. He notices bleakly that his knee his still tingling from when he
bumped it into Kurt's, honestly by accident. He had immediately backed off with
a muttered 'sorry', not wanting to give Fancy time to flinch away. He hasn't
been able to meet the other boy's eyes until now.
"Shouldn't you –"
"Alex likes getting the door."
Kurt snorts.
"That's what Finn always says about me whenever he doesn't feel like getting
his lazy ass off the couch."
Dave winks at him and pushes at the back of the chair, effectively swaying
Kurt. He shrieks and bats Dave's hand away, hiding a smile.
Cocking his head to the side, Dave listens to his mom's quiet chattering with
his sister. He starts counting under his breath.
"Three… two… one and a half… one –"
"Dave?" comes from the hallway instantly.
He rolls his eyes at Kurt and jerks his head to the door.
"Wanna meet my mom? 'S what you've been waiting for all day, isn't it?"
Kurt's eyes widen in fright.
"Oh god, David, I can't, what if she hates me, she'll hate me, all she's gonna
see is some noisy kid who almost got her son expelled, Dave, I can't –"
Dave laughs and grabs Kurt upper arm, puling him up gently. His hand lingers,
his thumb just brushing the underside of Kurt's arm.
"She won't."
Kurt gulps, still looking at him anxiously.
"No one could ever hate you, Fancy."
"N-no one?"
Dave lets go of his arm regretfully and sighs, curbing the urge to just wrap
his arms around that tiny waist and pull Fancy to him, into him, all over him,
reassuring Kurt in a much more physical way than he will ever be allowed to.
"Not a fucking soul. You're not some noisy kid and my mom is not a moron." He
smiles teasingly and has to press his nails hard into his palm to vanish the
picture of his hand cupped around Kurt's cheek. "The first thing that'll come
out of her mouth after you go home will be 'David, why can't you be more like
your friend Kurt?'"
Kurt chuckles and nods, turning his nose up. High bitch mode on, Dave guesses,
and can't help but wonder at where the fuck did his sanity go, seriously, why
doesn't this piss him off, why doesn't he feel like punching this guy's face
in, why is it that the only thing he can actually picture himself doing to Kurt
right now is kissing the fucking living lights out of him, leaving him
breathless and panting for more,and God,and Dave – and shitshitshit, there he
goes again. Sure, he's a teenager, and this is supposed to be normal, but
goddamn it, he can never catch a fucking break, can he? This is the worst
friendship he has ever had, just the worst, never mind that it's also really
fucking brilliant.
He snatches his hand away at the last minute when Kurt walks around him to the
door. It had been straying to the other boy's back; where the hell does all
this touchy-feely new vibe comes from, hum, he knows he's a physical kind of
guy but come on, you can't just go around touching other people whenever you
feel like it – and great, now Fancy is looking at him over his shoulder and
doing that freakish thing where his eyebrow detaches from his brow and doesn't
give a fuck about the laws of physics. Dave gives him a blank look and Kurt
shakes his head, perpetually unimpressed.
One day.
One day, he is going to grow a spine and a fucking pair, and he's going to
impress Kurt all right, he'll impress all over his shit.
 
===============================================================================
 
The kitchen was a mess of half-empty plastic grocery bags, with David's mom and
Alexis right in the middle of it, talking a mile a minute. Kurt gave a small
step back, his shoulders tense. He had thought he could do this, thought it
would be effortless like Dave was effortless even when he was being
unbelievably dense. And even if it wasn't, he knew how to deal with parents.
But Dave's mom looked nothing like the meek, somewhat submissive suburban
housewife he had secretly been expecting. He should have known; nurses were,
generally speaking, a tough folk. She was barely shorter than him, slender in a
way that managed not to appear frail; he could see a bit of Dave in her face,
but only vaguely. That was Alexis's hair in a darker shade, and that was
slightly up-turned nose that neither son nor daughter had inherited; overall,
he could count two, maybe three features in common with David, but –
She suddenly grinned at her daughter's wisecracking and Kurt was positively
floored.
So that was where it had come from. This was the woman to blame for his jelly
knees, but damn him if he wasn't a little fond of her already.
And of course Dave chose that moment to let his hand fall to the small of
Kurt's back and push him forward.
"I wish you would try to be a little more helpful, David, Alexis and I can only
carry so much – oh, hello!" Dave rolled his eyes at his mother's wide grin.
Kurt's answering smile was unsure, but Lisa Karofsky was a woman with a
mission.
"Kurt, is it? Sorry for all the mess," she said, waving at the route of
obstacles that had taken over the kitchen floor. "This family will one day eat
me out of house and home, I swear."
"Mom."
"Oh, shush, David. Here, make yourself useful, will you?" she asked, handing
him three heavy looking bags. Kurt moved to help him but Lisa shook her head.
"Oh no, honey, don't, it's his job."
"Slave-labor," muttered Dave without much heat.
"You do get an allowance," she quipped, unbuttoning her coat.
"How was work?"
There was a perceptible pause in her shuffling through the crisp plastic bags.
She blinked twice, her forehead creasing slightly. She looked for all the world
as if she would never have expected the question, the underlying care in Dave's
tone.
"Ugh, work. It's a black hole of death and despair where dreams go to die." She
sighed dramatically, waving a garlic string for emphasis; her eyes had warmed
considerably as she looked between Kurt and Dave.
"You work with babies, mom," stated Alex, snagging the string and putting it
away.
"Oh no, the babies are fine, the babies are wonderful. Howling babies 24/7 is
heaven next to old people constantly whining about medication." She made a
face, reaching back to pull her dark hair into a sleek ponytail. "Good God,
Kurt, you must thing I'm this vicious, awful person, but really, I'll have
enough on my hands with my own decay whenever I get there."
Dave snorted, elbowing his sister's back to move her out of the way. She glared
at him and then glanced at Kurt, who was still staring wide-eyed at all the
commotion. He cursed and grabbed her shoulder threateningly, holding one finger
up to his lips. Alexis blinked at him, all innocence and guilelessness.
"Be good," he hissed.
"Or what?" she whispered back.
"Your laptop."
"Your mp3 player."
"All your books."
"Your porn stash."
Dave gaped at her.
"What? I'm twelve, not a nitwit."
She shrugged off his hand and sat down at the table, smiling pleasantly
whenever she caught Kurt's eye. Dave shot her a dirty look.
"Besides, knowing my children, they'll sooner ship me off to a rest home than
actually find it in their gentle, egocentric little hearts to take care of me,"
their mother ranted on, oblivious.
Kurt's smile had finally grown genuine, and he had go as far as leaning his
back against the counter. He gave Dave a sly look, nibbling his bottom lip
thoughtfully.
"I'm sure Dave would –"
"Olivia says the male nurses at Eternal Sunshine are way foxy," cut Alexis
drily.
"I'll be ashes and dust before I go willingly to somewhere named Eternal
Sunshine, thank you, honey." She paused, tapping her chin. "Olivia said that?
Hum." She looked at Dave fixedly. "Last year. Didn't you boys have a social
project at school dealing with volunteering with the elderly? Eternal Sunshine
was involved, I think."
Kurt started nodding eagerly as Dave gave a noncommittal grunt, making Alex
snort.
"Mom, boys don't appreciate male nurses. It's gay," she deadpanned, hoping out
of her chair and running out the door in a flash before Dave could get a hold
of her.
His mother fingered one strand of hair nervously behind her ear.
"You –"
Dave shrugged and motioned Kurt to one of the chairs.
"Well, I can't say I'm not relieved. I don't much like having secrets in my
house. Oh!" She clasped her hands together. "Never mind that. You're going to
love this, Dave. I went by the cafeteria today and guess who's delivering
again?"
"The Pie Lady? Seriously?" Kurt laughed in astonishment at Dave's eager
expression.
"The Pie Lady. And guess who just talked Mrs. Erickson into selling them a
whole pecan pie?" She grinned, grabbing a white box from behind her.
"You're jokin'. She gave you the whole thing?"
"Soldit, and for almost double the price they get it there. Oh, well."
"Come on, it's so worth it."
"That it is. Kurt, sweetie, you have to try it. If you can safely say you've
ever had anything more delicious I'll –"
"Seriously, you got to, it's like, I don't even know what –"
"One or two of the ingredients have to be illegal, I swear –"
"She's probably a drug dealer on the side, but who cares, this is the best
thing –"
Kurt laughed and nodded, finally taking the plate he was being offered.
"Okay, but if I can't fit in at least five of my jeans tomorrow, you're paying
for a new gym-membership, Dave," he retorted, before taking his first bite. The
pleasured whimper that followed made him blush and swallow the half-chewed
mouthful immediately.
"See?" Dave smirked at him. "Eat up."
"Exactly. I know it's sinfully caloric, but you look entirely too skinny for
your own good." Lisa clasped her hands over her mouth, horrified. "Oh my God,
you don't have some kind of eating disorder, do you? Oh dear, I always do this.
Just last week I gave this twenty-something girl in the psych ward double
servings because she looked starved. As it turns out, she was a relapsing
anorexic, and someone had misplaced her chart. I'll tell you, if looks could
kill, she'd have had me buried and mourned on the spot." She shook her head
theatrically. "See, that's what it does to you, working almost exclusively with
the basic needs folk. You lose all of your insightfulness into the adult mind.
Social survival skills, too."
Dave gave a tight smile, serving knife wavering over the dessert.
"No, no eating disorder, " replied Kurt, still chuckling. "I just get a little
paranoid from time to time, thinking I'll have to get back to an all-week
sweatpants regime."
"Sweatpants?," asked Dave, pushing away his empty plate. He ignored his mother
sharp look determinately.
"Middle-school. I was about a quarter shorter and almost twice as large," said
Kurt, cringing. "When I started to really invest in dancing it went away, but I
don't look forward to having it all back."
"I don't remember you back then," said Dave, frowning.
"Well, I did my best to be inconspicuous."
"Really?"
Kurt rolled his eyes at Dave's teasing smirk.
"As far-fetched as it seems to you, yes. I didn't happen to be born this self-
assured and outspoken."
"So you weren't always this much of a –"
"O-kay, boys." Lisa dropped one gentle hand to the back of her son's neck. "I
thought you had school work to do?"
"Dave is helping me with math," said Kurt, glaring sideways at the taller boy.
"In exchange, I'm supposed to guide him through U.S. history."
"Didn't you do that one already?" Lisa asked Dave, puzzled.
"Was kinda hoping it would go away on its own," said Dave vaguely, keeping his
face blank.
"But… your father asked if you needed that book he took to the office that
other day, and you said you had already done it –"
"Leave it, mom, jeez." Dave clenched his jaw. Kurt tilted his head, appraising
him curiously.
"Have it your way, then. I'm in desperate need of burning-hot water and
slippers right now, but don't go away without saying goodbye, Kurt, will you?"
"I wouldn't dream of it." Kurt kept smiling as he got up to put his plate in
the sink, ignoring her protests. Lisa looked down at her son and then skyward,
giving a despairing sigh.
"I totally lifted the table last night, mom."
"If only you could make it an everyday random act of kindness."
Liza stretched her arms tiredly, leaving the kitchen with one last warm smile
for Kurt.
They stood in silence for a while. Kurt looked down, searching his jacket for
sticky crumbles.
"So."
"She's so pretty, Dave."
"You know, if you were anyone else, you'd totally not get away with that." Dave
shrugged. "Meh, she's my mom. I guess Em and Alex take more after her than I
do."
Kurt abstained from commenting on that.
"And nice."
"Yeah, I told her you liked nice people."
"So this was all for my sake?"
"Totally. Any other day she would have taken out the new set of steak knives as
soon as she saw you wearing shoes inside the house."
"What? You didn't tell –" Kurt's eyes narrowed. "You. You."
Dave threw his head back, laughing. Kurt did notfind it attractive. Not at all.
Like, never.
"You wear shoes inside the house, you – you awful, pathetic excuse for a human
being."
"Just yankin' your chain, Fancy, that's all." He cracked his knuckles. "Second
round? We had almost gotten arithmetic basics. Or d'you just wanna keep
stuffin' your face?"
"I'll show you arithmetic basics, you –" Kurt halted when Dave's fingers
brushed his shoulder. "What –," he swallowed thickly, " – what are you doing?"
"You missed a spot," said the taller boy, biting his lip defensively. "There."
Not there, Kurt wanted to scream, higher, center, you incredibly dense –
"You coming?"
Oh, that was deliberate.
Then again – and all things considered – probably not.
Kurt sighed.
"Coming."
If only.
Bad Kurt!
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"Mom! Dave's door is closed! And he's got a boy with him!"
"Alexis, leave your brother alone!"
Dave stared at the door incredulously.
"But, mom!"
"Go clean your room!"
Kurt stopped trying to hold it in at that and collapsed in a fit of giggles,
senseless to the paper bullets Dave kept aiming his way.
 
===============================================================================
 
"Why would you do that?"
Dave's pencil halted to a stop.
"I told you, you have to cross-multiply when –"
Kurt rolled his eyes and held up the book he had been idly flickering through
while pretending to pay attention to Dave's demonstrations. He had tried, but
this was exactly why one should always get unattractive tutors. He had never
seen the real point of math – now it was even harder, with Dave reciting
formulas in a soft, low voice. So he settled for recollecting his thoughts on
Oscar Wilde, figuring it was only fair.
David gulped visibly and opened his mouth, only to close it again when Kurt
narrowed his eyes.
There were passages underlined neatly, notes scrawled on the margins, and Kurt
had seen Dave's handwriting before. Either their genetic pool was incredibly
specific, or this was Dave's sister's book his ass.
"Those –"
"Don't even, Dave."
"Whatever."
"God, why do you do that?" Kurt slumped back, thoroughly exasperated.
"Wha –"
"Fake dumb! 'Math is simple', 'I'm a simple guy', 'Oscar who?'" Dave smiled
weakly at Kurt's gruff tone. Kurt glared at him.
"You read." He pointed at the bookcase by the other end of the bed for
emphasis.
"Maybe they're just gifts. Maybe I never even opened them."
Kurt snarled and got up in a flash, striding across the room and picking out a
book at random.
"And I guess everyone you know gives you books. Second-hand books, at that." He
waved the worn paperback at Dave.
"Christ, Fancy, calm down –"
"I'm calm, David. I'm perfectly calm. I just don't –" Kurt's shoulders slumped.
"I don't get why."
"It's just. A thing."
"What thing?"
"I'm workin' on it, okay?"
Kurt sighed and nodded, putting the book away, distantly noting that it was
Atonement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I guess you didn't really need my help, then."
"You probably know way more about this shit than I'll ever do, so."
Kurt tilts his head, shrugging with feigned modesty. Dave takes it as a truce,
feeling his stomach unknot.
"Crap, I'm late. Can you believe I honestly lost track of time? With math, of
all things."
Dave's lips start curling into a smile that falls as soon he understood the
direct consequence of Kurt being late.
"You gotta go?"
"I should."
Kurt glances at him, nibbling at his bottom lip.
"I have to."
Dave nods, his face as neutral as he could will it to be.
There's a knock at the door, startling them.
"Boys?"
"Come in, mom," drawls Dave, sighing.
His mother peers in, predictably all smiles for Kurt, who is practically
bursting with self-satisfaction.
"Honey, are you staying for dinner?"
Dave snorts at his mother's eagerness, then thinks better about stones and
glass roofs, and decides to keep his mouth shut.
"I would really like that," and Dave really hopes that the stress is there for
his sake. "But I already promised to help my stepmother with a new recipe
today."
Dave slaps his hand to his own forehead. His mom just completely lights up, who
does that with someone else's kid, seriously.
"You cook?," she asks reverently, as if Kurt usually does it while shooting
marzipan flowers out of his ass and burping perfectly seasoned garlic bread.
"A little," admits Kurt modestly, and Dave would fall down laughing at this
self-depreciation bullshit if the grin on his mother's face wasn't so
disturbing.
Fuck, he was just kidding about those adoption papers.
"That is just –" His mother seems to catch herself, fuckingfinally, because
this girl-crush on Fancy is getting ridiculous, and Dave's getting honestly
confused over who should he be feeling jealous of. "But if you have to go, you
have to go. We will be seeing you more often, won't we?" and now she's glaring
at Dave, what, what is this, woman, you gave birth to me.
Kurt's eyelashes flutter and he looks so fucking pleased with himself, but Dave
can't for the world begrudge him this, not when it looks so good on him.
"I hope so," he says softly. Dave wants to beat himself into a pulp because he
almost missed the shy, lightning-quick glance thrown in his direction.
His mother is looking between them again with eyes that are starting to look a
little misty as she takes in the stupid grin that Dave can't seem to wipe off
his own face, and fuckfuckfuck, he knows what's coming, he knew what was coming
as soon as she hinted at Kurt coming over yesterday.
"Can I –" She blushes slightly, her lips twitching. "Can I hug you?"
"Mom, God!"
Kurt elbows him lightly before Dave can set her straight.
"S-sure," the smaller boy says feebly, his eyes widening when Lisa proceeds to
do just that.
That's right, his mom gives killer hugs. Like, literally, and not in a very
good way.
And she just got farther with his crush than David has in a long-ass time.
Huh.
Kurt seems a little overwhelmed as Dave looks on, feeling torn between snorting
and sneering. His mom finally relents, stepping back and wiping her eyes
discreetly.
"Christ, mom."
"Oh, shut up." Her hand his twitching in front of her, and Dave really hopes
she knows what she's doing, because no way she can get away with ruffling
Kurt's hair. "I'll see you soon, then, Kurt."
She waves of his stuttering gratitude, walking out of the door at a brisk pace.
Dave is just hoping she'll get used to this new stuff fast, or they'll be
having meltdowns way into Christmas.
"Hey, you okay?"
"I'm fine, David, honestly." Kurt rolls his eyes haughtily, but Dave doesn't
miss the unsure curve of his mouth. "She is sweet."
"She's just not used to –"
"To what?"
"Me," whispers Dave, a little ashamed.
Kurt stares at him thoughtfully and nods, slowly. Dave clears is throat; it
sounds obnoxiously loud in the quietness of the room.
"Want me to walk you to your car?"
"You don't mind?"
"Asked, didn't I?" Dave shakes his head and gathers Kurt's papers in a neat
pile. "You know, if you need anymore help with these –"
"I got myself some free tutoring?" Kurt grins impishly, picking up his bag.
Dave can think up a dozen awesome ways in which Kurt can repay him, and he
could conjure about sixty-seven more given a little time, but he just shrugs in
agreement, following the other boy out of the house.
The light is growing dim outside, and Dave realizes with a start how right Kurt
was about losing track of time. It just hadn't occurred to him till now how
easy he finds it, this thing where he just is with Kurt. Even when he's unsure
of his footing, there's this underlying layer of, not happiness, happiness
would be pushing Kurt down over the hood of his car and sucking a dark, hot
line down that gorgeous pale neck, but contentment, maybe.
"Call me?"
"Huh?"
"Will you." Kurt points to him. "Call me." He slaps a hand over his own chest.
"Later." He starts to make a revolving motion with his fingers, his fucking
stunningeyes twinkling happily in this fucking perfect light, so Dave just
grabs his hand, presses his fingertips hard into that soft, yielding palm, and
kisses him silent.
What.
No, fucking no, he is turning batshit insane, because he seriously just
envisioned it all in his head, and now Kurt is frowning up at him, with equal
parts of bemusement and annoyance, and this is not cool.Fu-uck.
"Sorry, hum. Yeah, sure."
"O-kay," says Kurt slowly, still looking at him strangely.
"Wait, you mean later today?"
"As in preferably after dinner, yes."
"Hum."
"What."
"Well, last time you 'bout yanked by head off for calling you so soon." He
smirks at Kurt's exasperated sigh.
"I'm asking you to, aren't I?"
"I guess. Wait, you're not gonna get naked again, are you?" he asks with
honest-to-God panicked worry, because it wasn't fun that other time, it might
have seemed like an awesome joke to Kurt, but Dave had had to fucking exhaust
himself into sleep by jerking off. Putting jeans on the next morning had not
been a nice ride.
Kurt gives him an unreadable look and mutters a weak 'no'. He looks a little
bit in shock, though Dave will figure out how to blow himself before he can
guess why.
"Okay then, I'll –"
"You don't have to."
"What?"
"Don't bother." It's practically spat out, and Kurt is definitely not in shock
anymore, he looks pissed.
At Dave.
Oh, fuck the world, really.
"Kurt –"
"I'll probably be busy, anyway. Puck and Sam are coming over for a semi horror
movie marathon, and Finn wanted me to hang out with them, so I guess."
He's getting into his car.
Kurt Fucking Hummel is getting into his car, about to pull off of Dave's
driveway, about to go home to watch horror movies all night with three horny
lucky bastards.
And Dave is going to let him.
Because, really.
He's good. He's sogood.
He turns his back to the road when Kurt turns the corner.
He doesn't call him that night, because Kurt said he shouldn't bother, and in
Kurt's speak that's like 'I won't pick up, no matter how many times you call, I
don't fucking care if you're lying in a ditch somewhere, I won't pick up'.
So Dave doesn't. He keeps fiddling with his phone, checking the battery, the
number of reception bars, even texts himself a couple of times to see if
everything is working okay.
Kurt never calls, even though Dave waits for him to until four in the morning.
What else is he supposed to do?
 
===============================================================================
 
Not getting naked again , are you?
Kurt keeps his phone in his pocket while he helps Carole dispose baby carrots
into appealing shapes.
He ups the ringtone to full volume before starting to wash the dishes.
He locks himself in his bedroom claiming a headache before Puck and Sam even
arrive, and keeps the phone in his hand while listlessly pretending to be busy
and honestly not waiting for Dave to call.
He stops fighting sleep at a quarter past four in the morning; his phone gets
lost between the sheets and he almost hyperventilates when he wakes up and
can't find it, but oh, there.
It makes him wish he had never found it.
There isn't a single text from Dave.
Not even a missed call.
So he just buries himself under the covers again and mashes his face against
the pillow, stubbornly dismissing its increasing wetness.
What else is he supposed to do?
Chapter End Notes
     Kurt serenades Dave with Sixpence None THe Richer's "Kiss Me", of
     course.
***** I'll Give You My Jacket *****
Chapter Summary
     In which Kurt is going to just do it and Dave is home alone.
"Dave?"
"Yeah?"
"Hum, hi. You – you haven't called."
"So?"
"..."
"You told me not to, didn't you?"
"I –"
"Why didn't you call, huh?"
"But –"
"Fuck, Kurt, a week?"
"I –"
"Don't know why I still give a shit."
"Dave, I..."
"That all you have to say?"
"I can't – I don't –"
"Right. Be seeing you."
"No, Dave!"
"..."
"Dave..."
"..."
"..."
 
===============================================================================
 
"Please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I thought you would, and then
you didn't – so I was mad, but then you wouldn't, and –"
"Kurt?"
"Just listen to me, Dave, please, I'm sorry, I really am, and I wanted to call
you, but first I was mad, and then I was – I was scared, god, please tell me to
shut up now –"
"Kurt."
"Don't hang up, Dave, please –"
"I'm not, Fancy, God."
"Oh."
"I'm sorry I blew up at you like that."
"It's okay."
"Didn't sound like it."
"I –"
"Kurt –"
"Oh my god, I'm such a – I can't do this."
"Do what?"
"S-sorry, David, I've got to go – I –"
"Fancy?"
"..."
"Shit, really?"
"..."
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"
"..."
"..."
 
===============================================================================

"Finn?"
"Oh, hey, hi, Kurt. I'm just gonna give you Rachel, okay?"
"No, it's definitely not okay, what makes you think I –"
"Kurt?"
"Why do I even – hi, Rachel."
"Finn told me you've been feeling a little depressed."
"A lot. Like, seriously, man, you're bringing everybody down. Mom's been
burning pancakes, Burt –"
"Finn, you big-mouthed, good for nothing –"
"He's worried about you, Kurt."
"He can go worry himself sick to –"
"Do you need a moment?"
"No, I don't need a moment, Rachel, I need you, and Finn, and Blaine to just
stuff your advice up your –"
"I'm going to give you a moment."
"I don't want a moment!"
"Breathe with me, Kurt."
"No."
"One in... one out... one in..."
"Stop it!"
"One out... one in... one out..."
"I– I–"
"Are you breathing with me?"
"... yes."
"Good. Repeat, one in... one out..."
"..."
"Kurt?"
"... one in... one out... one in..."
"..."
"..."
"A little better?"
"I – what kind of sorcery is this?"
"Just a simple, very useful chant I do before every performance."
"I did miss your insanity."
"Thank you. I'm used to my expertise being constantly undervalued."
"I'm sure. Well, I feel better now, so –"
"Kurt."
"Tell your boyfriend that, as of now, he is persona non grata in any room I
happen to walk in."
"I was just trying to help!"
"He was just trying to help."
"Please stop trying."
"You don't mean that."
"Yes I do. I really do."
"You're obviously not dealing well with this."
"I'm perfectly capable of –"
"You don't have to be alone, Kurt."
"You –"
"We should have a sleepover!"
"A sleepover?"
"Yes! Like the one we had when you were upset over Blaine and –"
"Oh god."
"And we could watch Grease again to discuss the ending's unfortunate
implications and how younger Mr. Travolta's intense gaze still manages to
skillfully undress you every time."
"Hey!"
"I'm sorry but it does, Finn. It is an extremely erotic gaze."
"Or I could just leave you two to your obnoxiously cute bickering and go
swallow glass dust."
"You cannot be that miserable, Kurt."
"I think the both of you just might be making it worse."
"Dude, if you want to kiss Karofsky that bad, just do it already. Jeez."
"What?"
"Sshh, Finn, I told you to ease him into it."
"What?"
"Yeah, but it's getting nowhere. And he started watching football with me and
Burt."
"Aww, Kurt, that's so sweet."
"… why? And, by the way, I was watching football with my father long before you
came along, Finn."
"Well, it's obvious, isn't it? David –"
"Yeah, but you didn't watch watch. You always left the room like, ten minutes
into it."
"You two kept shushing me!"
"Hey, sorry if we don't want to hear you narrate the homoerotic subtext of
every tackle."
"I was being diplomatic. There's no sub about that particular text."
"How does Kurt watch watch, then?"
"He keeps asking questions and stuff. He's got notes. And a chart, once."
"Charts are extremely important."
"You are such a great prospective boyfriend, Kurt."
"Excuse me?"
"Or should I believe that this sudden interest in the sport is merely
coincidental?"
"… yes?"
"Dude, no."
"Shut up, Finn!"
"Boys. Could we please get back to the main subject here?"
"Which would be what, exactly?"
"Don't be so snippy. We're trying to help."
"You know, Rachel just told me to do it."
"What?"
"Finn, I really don't think –"
"She told me I could kiss her."
"While you were dating Quinn."
"Huh, yeah."
"And she was pregnant with your child. Oh, wait."
"Low blow, man. Like, your ex's height low."
"I think what Finn is trying to say – I'll admit a little clumsily – is that
you –"
"Am I honestly the only one here who sees how invalid this piece of advice
really is?"
"But, Kurt –"
"And why am I the girl in this situation?"
"Well, you –"
"You're the one pining 'cause Dave won't kiss you."
"Because only girls pine. How you've managed to get two of those to date you
and yet another one to sleep with you will never fail to astound me."
"Well, Finn is –"
"You're just jealous 'cause I totally get more tail than you."
"…tail? And with your girlfriend right there. What in the name of breathable
fabric did I ever see in you?"
"Huh. Thought we weren't talking about that."
"I'm evaluating my past choices. Particularly the bad ones. Deal with it."
"Okay."
"Am I allowed to talk now, or –"
"Why can't you just tell him? Like with Blaine?"
"Look how well that turned out."
"What? You got together."
"Only afterexcruciating weeks of knowing my crush thought I had no real sexual
appeal, and that between me and Rachel Berry, a drunken gay boy would
immediately go for Rachel."
"Look, don't get me wrong, I'm all or giving Karofsky a chance, but if he tries
to pull any funny stuff with my girlfriend –"
"If I thought Dave had any doubts whatsoever about his sexuality, we wouldn't
be having this conversation right now, Finn."
"Oh, will you two just stop?"
"What now, Rachel."
"I just – will you man up and kiss the boy already?"
"What?"
"It worked for me and Finn."
"Well, fine! That certainly takes all that pesky wrecking tension away!"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Take your own conclusions."
"We have a beautiful, admittedly rocky history behind us."
"And who says I want that?"
"Kurt –"
"I don't want – I don't want Finchel, okay, I don't want your star-crossed
story of martyrdom, I only – I just –"
"Oh, sweetie –"
"I want – I want Dave. Just."
"What are you waiting for?"
"I –"
"In the one in a universe chance of him not kissing you back, you can call it
even and resume your friendship with a blank slate."
"Or I could just shoot myself."
"That would be counter-productive."
"I'm past that stage, Rachel, okay? This isn't – it isn't about giving it a
shot, and worse for him if it doesn't work, anymore. This is me curling in my
bed in fetal position; me positively dreading his next call; me feeling like
dying when it doesn't come; me hating myself for being such a
fucking coward and not being able to do anything about it!"
"Dude."
"Oh, go fuck a kite."
"Language! And it's go fly a –"
"You just have to do it, you know?"
"It? It it?"
"Wha – no! Man, thanks a lot for the mental picture."
"You're always welcome."
"I'm not leaving you any waffles tomorrow."
"I don't eat waffles, Finn. Empty calories, remember?"
"Nah."
"Actually, waffles are –"
"See, you just gotta, you know?"
"I – no, not really."
"You will."
"What?"
"When it's time, you'll know."
"Are you serious?"
"You just can't think about it, okay? Just go with it."
"You're not channeling Rafiki effectively right now, Finn. You think you are,
but you're not."
"Oh, I've always wanted to do a 'Can You Feel The Love Tonight' duet with –"
"You'll know."
"Tell me you're not nodding wisely. I don't think I can take the wise nod."
"You will, Kurt."
"I'm hanging up now. Bye, Rachel. The stepbrother is on the house, you can keep
him. Do keep him."
"Just do it."
"No, Kurt, we need to talk about –"
"Shut. Up. Finn!"
"When it's right. You'll know."
"…"
"That was very rude of him."
"Hey, weren't we making out?"
"This whole Kurt/David debacle is decisively inspiring."
"I think we were making out."
"I'm sure I – there's my rhyming dictionary! I've been looking all over for
it!"
"We were making out."
"Sshh, Finn, I need to concentrate."
"But –"
"Sshh!"
"…"
"…"
 
===============================================================================

"Hi, Kurt."
"Hi, Dave."
"…"
"…"
"Shit. Look, can we not?"
"I'm sorry?"
"I'm just so fucking sick of not talking to you."
"…"
"Kurt, come on, I – Jesus."
"Me– me too."
"… really?"
"Y-yes."
"…"
"…"
"Fuck. Do we need to talk about this?"
"About what, exactly?"
"Okay, I can work with that. Huh, wait up."
"What –"
"Yeah, so?"
"…why are you yelling?"
"Mom!"
"Oh, say hi to her for me!"
"I'll be fine. And he's not coming over."
"Who isn't?"
"You."
"Why would I be?"
"He's not, mom, Christ."
"At least have the decency to invite me first, so that I can work on a
dignified refusal?"
"Yeah, yeah, walk Willy, lock the door, don't mess with the fireplace, don't
set the house on fire, geez."
"I'm all confusion, David."
"I thought you were driving Alex there."
"Hmm. Mmm-hmmm. Hmmm. Hmm."
"Fine. But if she forgets her sleeping bag again, I don't even care. What's-
Her-Name's floor will have to do."
"Hummm. Mmm-hmm. Hum, hum. Hmmm."
"Fancy?"
"Mmm-hmmm?"
"You alright there?"
"Oh, are we back to making sense? Good."
"Yeah, sorry. My mom's all over the place right now. My dad is gonna have to
stay at my grandma's this weekend 'cause her microwave blew up again and she
thinks it's possessed."
"Likely. Has she considered getting a new one?"
"Nah. But she had it exorcized once, though. Guess it didn't take."
"…"
"Family, huh? He's going over there now, said she sounded kinda hysteric over
the phone. And my mom's got the night shift today, so. Panic."
"Seventeen-year-old son home alone on a Saturday night? I can't imagine why."
"And my sister's having a sleepover, talk about lucky break. Think they're
afraid I'm gonna have some celebratory coming-out orgy or something."
"Without inviting me? For shame, David."
"You? Orgy? Hum."
"Sounds interesting. Tell me more."
"Mom, get off me!"
"Hi, Mrs. Karofsky!"
"… she wants you to call her Lisa. My. Life. What."
"Tell her I'll try. Oh, and that her living-room curtains are the exact same
shade of blue as this cardigan I've been positively lusting after for two weeks
now."
"Seriously? What, do you guys need some time alone or –"
"Tell her I've had dreams about that pie."
"No, mom, he doesn't wanna talk to you."
"She wants to talk to me? David!"
"I'm not just gonna –"
"The pie, Dave! Tell her about the pie!"
"Because dudes don't just say that to other dudes, that's why!"
"What don't they say?"
"Yeah, sorry to let you down."
"Dave, be nice to your mom."
"Fine, I'll tell him, God."
"Tell me what?"
"Just go away, mom."
"David!"
"What?"
"Be nice."
"Not nice, remember?"
"Hum."
"So, she said to, huh –"
"Yes?"
"Send you her love. Or something."
"Really? Oh god, she's so incredibly sweet."
"More like incredibly lame, but whatever."
"And you're incredibly emotionally constipated."
"You could hear her from the kitchen?"
"Your mom? No, of course not."
"Freaky."
"Why?"
"'Cause she said like, the exact same thing. And that she thought gay men had
the advantage of being more in touch with their feelings."
"I think the 'men' part is a deterrent. Me excluded, of course."
"Of course."
"I'm very much in touch with my own feelings, just so you know."
"Sure you are."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Emotionally constipated, remember? I don't speak feelings."
"Uhgh, David."
"You two are totally giving me a complex."
"Alcohol seems to be a good cure for that particular kind of difficulty. The
emotionally constipated kind, not the complex kind. Well, both of them,
actually."
"Yeah? You don't seem the type to get drunk."
"Once. Never again."
"Really?"
"You shouldn't sound so keen."
"What happened?"
"To me? Not much. To Ms. Pillsbury's shoes, however…"
"I missed that?"
"Sophomore year. I had been told it worked well in boosting your confidence."
"I guess… Wait, you haven't since?"
"Been inebriated enough to not be able to tell last season pink leather pumps
from a toilet? Nope."
"Shit, I really need to get you drunk one of these days."
"Were you listening? No, thank you."
"Come on, it would be crazy funny."
"Glad I entertain."
"Would love to see what crazy shit comes out of your mouth when you're like
that."
"You're a dedicated, caring friend."
"I know, I'm awesome."
"Crazy awesome."
"Your sarcasm is crazy useless 'cause I'm gonna take you seriously."
"If you must."
"Really. You. Alcohol. Will happen."
"No, thank you."
"Aww, come on. Everyone's gotta have at least one drunken, blanking out, waking
up lying on the neighbor's driveway wearing only a striped sock and a spiked
collar."
"… right. That is oddly specific. And I don't like intoxicated people."
"Bad experience?"
"My crush kissed a girl and then fell asleep in my bed without even a thank
you. I'm guessing yes."
"… what."
"Blaine."
"Your bed?"
"Long story."
"Yeah, I bet."
"God, now you sound just like my dad."
"Whatever."
"I don't much like the idea of blanking out anyway."
"…"
"Actually, I have no respect for people who do blank out completely, and then
can't seem to remember a single thing the next day."
"Fuck you, Kurt, are you for fucking real, Jesus –"
"What?"
"Shit, I can't even – I'm just gonna go, okay?"
"David!"
"No, fuck you, I can't deal with your shit right now."
"David, what –"
"Fuck. You."
"Don't!"
"…"
"I –"
"…"
"I can't."
"…"
"Just do it. Right."
***** I'll Give You My Heart *****
Chapter Summary
     In which they are both idiots.
Sitting through dinner.
Ignoring Finn's expressive eyebrow lifts and hand signs.
Undressing for bed.
That had not been the worst.
Not getting dressed again at a quarter to two – he was supposed to not be
thinking about it, and just doing it, and knowing, a wop baba lumop, a wap bam
boom, and other ditties; tiptoeing through the house at ten to two; closing the
front door at two in the morning, with crossed fingers and crossed toes.
That had not been the worst, either.
Not even getting into his car.
Not even driving, no, crawling away with the minimal amount of noise possible
and hoping against hope that karma would even up the score at last and grant
him a clean escape.
Not even pulling up three houses down from David's and making the rest of the
way clad only in jogging sneakers and his dark camouflage pajamas.
Not even that had been the worst – nerve wrecking, but not the worst.
Because, you see, karma hated Kurt Hummel. And karma was notmaking it up to
him, as it should, as it ought.
Karma was, to understate it, a bitch, and the worst was Kurt staring at Dave's
window, half-open like a formal invitation, and feeling unbearably gutless.
Kurt breathed in deeply and let his head fall back, staring up at the moonless
sky and considering his options. The midsummer night air was tepid; he could
sit outside Dave's house for the rest of the night without freezing into a
gruesomely unfashionable ice pop.
On the other hand, he could just go home.
Dave's window being open rendered useless the three pebbles he had clasped in
his right hand; he could climb in without much difficulty.
On the other hand, he could just go home.
He could get buck-naked and run up and down Dave's street, belting out 'Judas'
off-key until someone called the police and he had a decent excuse for not
going through with this; he would call David from the station and ask him to
pick him up. Surely a near-arrest would soften up the other boy enough to end
this new stalemate.
On the other hand, he could just go home.
"Courage."
But, "Fuck. You."
So? "What are you waiting for?"
But…"Don't know why I still give a shit."
And? "Just do it."
But –
He shook himself harshly, clenched his fists and squared his shoulders, glaring
defiantly at the gap between the thick navy curtains separating him from Dave's
bedroom.
Dave.
He was going into Dave's bedroom. At night – or what could already classify as
incredibly early morning.
He was going into his crush's bedroom in the middle of the night, pajama-clad,
sneaker-footed, shamefaced and scared shitless.
Uninvited.
Maybe even unwanted.
Cour –
"Shut up, Blaine," he hissed under his breath, pushing himself up onto the
window ledge.
The rubber soles of his sneakers slipped on the smooth wall, but held for the
two seconds Kurt needed to push one knee up. And, just like that, he was
landing with a thankfully soft thud on the hardwood floor, his hands barely
refraining from grasping the curtains in what would most decisively be a
disastrous move.
Steadying himself, he toed off his shoes, putting them away neatly by Dave's
desk. Being barefoot made him feel all the more vulnerable, but his nerves were
already too frayed to handle the rubbery squeaks of the sneakers on the smooth
wood. He squinted in the darkness of the room, impatiently willing his eyes to
adjust to the lack of street lighting.
Then he almost wished they hadn't, because that meant he got to perceive the
outline of David lying on his stomach on the bed quite clearly. His face was
turned to Kurt's side of the room and one of his arms had slid over the edge of
the mattress at some point during the night; his fingertips were grazing the
floor.
Kurt suddenly felt a very distinct urge to just slide down onto his knees and
stare at Dave's sleep slack face all night.
As a rule, he did not find people asleep all that attractive. Lack of control
over facial muscles, the occasional drooling, red splotches from pillowcase
creases weren't factors that conjugated in attractiveness, as a rule.
So he was smitten.
Huh.
That much was obvious. Dave's face was of the sort that handled facial
expressions magnificently; therefore, his was not a good face for dullness or
blankness, even the sleep-induced kind. His mouth was gaping open a little, and
there, there, there, a darker spot on the light blue sheet just beneath it; his
forehead was slightly creased, and his cheek was positively smashed against the
pillow – he looked just like any other person in a stage of deep unfeeling
sleep ought to look, and Kurt's eyes were drinking him in as hungrily as if
they'd never seen a better sight. He sighed glumly, grabbing at his own upper
arms to keep from reaching out.
He was unmistakably, irrevocably, unreservedly fucked.
And then Dave opened his eyes.
Kurt stumbled back, his hands groping blindly at the wall; he deeply regretted
having eaten that chicken and sweet corn salad at dinner, because it hadn't
gone down well and it was definitely coming up even worse.
What if Dave freaked out thinking Kurt was a burglar?
What if he beat Kurt down with a baseball bat?
What if he called the police? Or worse, his mom?
She wouldn't be giving Kurt bone-cracking hugs, or letting him call her Lisa
after catching him breaking into her son's bedroom like some nasty rapist-
slash-serial killer-slash-serial rapist and killer, now, would she?
He held his breath, hoping to delay hyperventilation by dying.
"Hey." Dave yawned, sitting up slowly while still looking three-quarters
asleep.
Well. Apparently he had been overreacting.
"H-hey?" squeaked Kurt. His back was still pressed against the wall, inches
from the open window, from freedom, from a lifetime of misery. Strong full-body
shudders took him over without warning; he must be coming down with a fever
strong enough to put him to his deathbed.
"You – you're shivering." Dave blinked drowsily. "You don't do that."
"W-what?" Kurt cringed at the crack in his voice.
Dave's forehead wrinkled as he gave Kurt a sleepy smile.
"All those other times. You don't –" He shook his head. "Can't believe I'm
still talking. We always move past that fast enough."
"We – we do?"
"Always starts right in the middle, doesn't it?" Dave shrugged, still smiling.
"Doesn't matter. It's not like I'm complaining here."
Kurt nodded, with no clue to what he was agreeing with. His feet moved him
forward one step and then halted, unsure. His fingers tightened on the fabric
of his pajama top, suddenly wishing he had taken the time to wear something
warmer and, well, else.
Pajamas were so not a killer seduction outfit – not on him, anyway.
Dave moved back on the bed, apparently making space for him between his bent
legs. Kurt's throat clamped up and he felt his knees jitter at the thought of
just moving forward and… kneeling on the bed and… being there between Dave's
knees, with his hands somewhere on Dave's body, with Dave's own hands all over
his body.
"Come here," said the other boy softly, holding up one hand.
Kurt nodded again, rooted to the spot.
"Baby?"
Oh god.
He saw more than felt his feet shuffling forward, his knee coming down on the
edge of the mattress, his trembling hand reaching out to grasp Dave's.
"Sshh. What's wrong?" Dave's brow creased. "You're shaking."
"Dave –"
"Here." David pulled Kurt to him until the slighter boy was kneeling fully
between his legs. He rested his hands on Kurt's hips, his thumbs stroking
lightly over sharp hipbones; the nonchalance of the gesture was enough to make
Kurt's head spin.
"Shit." The back of Dave's hand brushed the hem of Kurt's top. "I'm actually
going insane, aren't I?"
"What?" whispered Kurt shakily.
"'S just –" Dave's eyes fell shut and he shuffled forward, breathing in.
Breathing Kurt in. "So real."
Kurt blinked.
What?
"Dave?" Kurt brought one still shaky hand to Dave's shoulder. He bit his lip
harshly to keep from whimpering at the warmth radiating through the flimsy
fabric. A cooler breeze whispered through the curtains, making the hairs at the
back of his neck stand up; it hit Dave's bed warm skin like a freezing blow.
His eyes flew open.
"You're a dream."
"No, I'm –" Kurt shook his head, trying to clear his mind. "I'm not, I – Dave."
"You are." Despite the firm denial, Dave's grasp on Kurt's hips was faltering.
"I'm not." Kurt grimaced at his own harshness, but really. He was a man on a
mission. "Honestly, David."
"No way." Dave swallowed. "No fucking way you're not."
"I think I would –"
"No fucking way in goddamn hell Kurt Fucking Hummel would be where your perky
little immaterial ass is sitting right now, so." He licked his lips, breathing
heavily. "Take it. The fuck. Back."
Kurt quirked one eyebrow. "Perky?"
"Fuck. You can't."
"Why not?"
"Because Kurt Fucking Hummel is a bitchy drama queen with fucking awful taste
in guys, and if you think I'll believe he'd willingly get into bed with me,
looking at me like that, you can checkout of Dreamland right the fuck now. If
you're not here for your usual sorry-ass imitation of Kurt, then I'd like to
get some sleep for once."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Yes, I'm definitely the drama queen here." He surveyed
his own perch on the bed; Dave's hands were still frozen on his hips, so he
conceded to being much to comfortable to stir. "This little Sleeping-Beauty-on-
crack act of yours is entertaining but ultimately quite disturbing."
It should be quite funny from an outsider's perspective. Dave let out a sort of
strangled sound and jumped away from Kurt – which, being that they were sitting
on reasonably tangled sheets, meant that his left foot got caught, sending him
rolling helplessly onto the floor.
Kurt folded his legs under his body, mock-sighing to hide his amusement. Dave
was staring at him with utterly terrified eyes; his body was a crumpled heap on
the floor, half-wrapped in the beddings.
"As a dance style, it looks unique enough, I'll grant you."
Dave kept staring, having apparently gone mute with shock.
"The landing, though. You might have some hard worked paved out for you."
"You… you – what? I… you…what?"
Kurt gave him his best coy smile, pressing his hands palms down on the bed and
leaning forward.
"Hi, David."
He licked his lips as the jock opened and closed his mouth several times, his
Adam's apple moving up and down when he swallowed audibly.
"David?"
"You're here."
Kurt's brow lifted.
"What great powers of deduction you have there, grandma."
"No, here, I mean, there, what– what are you doing here?" David's eyebrows had
successfully merged.
Kurt shook his head in dismay and pointed at the glowing alarm clock on Dave's
nightstand. The boy followed his finger with bewildered eyes but turned to Kurt
again, blinking.
"It's, huh, two thirty?" He looked down at the bedspread twisted around his
legs. "Wait, the fuck am I saying. What. The hell. You – my room?" His voice
was hoarse and disbelieving as he clambered to a kneeling position at the foot
of the bed.
Kurt spread his hands on the mattress, his body heating up as he felt Dave's
leftover warmth under his fingertips.
"Well, it is now." He bit his lip. "But when I left my house it was 2 a.m.
sharp."
Dave lifted his eyebrows and shrugged. "So?"
"David!"
"What?"
"I just – uhgh, David!"
The other boy looked at him helplessly and Kurt melted a little, his
indignation fading.
"I snuck out at two in the morning." Dave just kept looking. "To come here. Not
to Westerville, or Finn's bedroom or even Valencia, California. Here."
"What's in Val–"
"Off-topic, David! Focus." Kurt gave him a desperate look.
"I don't – Kurt, it's the middle of the night. You're in my room and, as
fucking awesome as that sounds, I'm gonna need small words to get the basics of
whatever's going on here."
It was only a flutter at first, butterfly wings against his ribcage. Then,
somehow, one timid fluttering called to another and it was as if Kurt's body
had grown three sizes too small to hold the thunderstorm raging inside it.
"Awesome?" he said faintly, waiting with bated breath for Dave to finallyput
him out of his misery.
"Huh?"
"Dave," he whispered. "Come here." He held his hand out, unconsciously
mirroring Dave's earlier gesture. "Please."
The other boy gulped and wobbled forward on his knees; he braced his hands on
the edge of the mattress, fingers fidgeting mere inches from Kurt's naked
ankle.
Kurt smiled warmly and inched to the side – an invitation. Dave breathed
heavily through his nose, once, twice, and then climbed onto the bed again.
"I snuck out." Kurt folded his hands on his lap. "And football is the dumbest,
most useless sport ever played, but I'm getting there. And –" Dave was being
disturbingly quiet. "And I spent three whole hours making sure I could own
'Kiss Me', which, waste." He glared at the jock, who only blinked back in sheer
confusion. "But the beret, David. I can't put together a single outfit that
incorporates it without wanting to claw my eyes out and rip my whole wardrobe
to shreds. You'll have to give me time." He paused, tilting his head. "I'm
forgetting something, aren't I? I know I am, David, just give me one one hint."
"No fucking clue, Fancy."
Kurt narrowed his eyes dangerously.
"Really? Really? Are you utterly immune to romance by any chance?"
"R-Romance?" said David, sounding choked.
"Oh, I remember!" Kurt sat up straighter, a shock of restless energy running
down his spine. "Wait. Hum." His hands came up to grab onto Dave's shoulders,
probably a little too forcefully, but the other boy seemed too distracted to
protest. "I – I'll just do it, okay? Just –"
His mouth found Dave's sooner than he had expected it.
The kiss was meant to be chaste and swift: Kurt was trying to make a point. He
hadn't counted on his eyes fluttering shut, on his hands curling tightly around
Dave's shoulders, on his body leaning forward in a move that stomped all over
the line of chaste. But it was Dave. Dave's mouth under his, finally, finally,
finally, and if Kurt didn't think there might be even better things paved out
for them, he would have gladly melted away into a early death.
He pulled away with more reluctance than he cared for and let out a breathy
little sigh, refusing to open his eyes just yet. And he wanted to give David
time to adjust, push Kurt down on the bed and get on with the program already.
Which, no.
He opened his eyes to see David Karofsky staring at him with the exact
definition of a dumbstruck expression, bug-eyes included.
"David," he muttered crossly, leaning in again and pressing his lips harshly to
Dave's own. He let it linger, caressing Dave's firmly closed mouth with his
suppler one. His lips parted almost of their own accord and he whimpered
pitiful as Dave kept up the statue-act. The two of them broke apart again and
Kurt searched Dave's wide-open eyes anxiously; he could feel his courage
dissipating faster than he could summon it, and if David didn't –
He pushed against Dave's body, almost sliding into the other boy's lap, and
linked his arms around his neck, suddenly unable to process Dave's lack of
response and only wanting more.
Dave smelled like warm sheets and drowsiness and Dave, Dave, Dave, and that was
apparently the key to igniting a bonfire on every cell of Kurt's body. He
pressed light kisses to the corners of David's mouth, lingering ones to the dip
of Dave's upper lip and licked at the spot just bellow the curve of his bottom
lip, sucking in a victorious breath when the other boy shuddered underneath
him.
His conquest was short-lived, however.
"D-Dave?" whispered Kurt, his voice thick and anxious, and pulled away
slightly. The first real look at the other boy's face had him ready to yank out
his own heart, stomp on it and throw it at Dave's feet for him to spit on.
It was heartbreaking to see how powerless Dave looked, how fucking terrified.
He looked defenseless and shell-shocked, and Kurt was wrong, he was wrong about
this, and Finn was wrong, and Rachel, and Blaine, of course Blaine was wrong,
it had all been Blaine's fault the first time and now Kurt knew first-hand how
it felt to kiss someone you wanted so badly and have them utterly stunned and –
and scared. Except Dave couldn't ever have wanted Kurt as much as Kurt wanted
him, could he now, not when he was frozen like this. He shouldn't be able to
keep from touching Kurt the way Kurt was aching to touch Dave now.
"Oh god." He let his hands fall from Dave's face, lifeless. "Oh god, David."
"Kurt, wha –"
"I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry, I didn't mean to –" His voice sounded
distance, underwater; the wetness blurring his vision only strengthened the
feeling. "I'll go, right now, I'll just – you can pretend you never even knew
me, I won't call, won't bother you ever again, I promise, I –"
"The fuck?"
"I'm so –" Kurt spluttered against the broad hand suddenly covering his mouth.
"Will you quit that already? Jesus." Dave rubbed his eyes with his other hand,
still looking a bit out of it. He reached back to turn on the lamp fixed to the
wall and the both of them squinted painfully at the sudden brightness. "You're
gonna calm your shit, okay? It's almost three in the fucking morning, you show
up here out of fucking nowhere, and you're in my bed, and you're not a dream,
and you kiss me, andyou're not a dream, so you just. Chill." He sighed, his
thumb twitching has it brushed over Kurt's eyelashes. "'Cause, you know, I need
to not be having a breakdown right now."
Dave gave him a sharp look and Kurt nodded quickly in agreement. Dave took his
hand away slowly, hovering over Kurt's cheek for a while, then settling for
scratching the back of his own neck.
"Right. Mind filling a guy in?"
"I thought… I thought it was obvious," Kurt murmured, still missing the warmth
and weight of Dave's hand on his face.
"No."
"No?"
"No." Dave slid back to rest against the wall beside the bed. "I can't – it's
not. It's never obvious with you, can't let it be obvious with you."
"Dave?"
"Wanna know what went through my mind every time I saw you last year?" Kurt
lifted one confused eyebrow at the sudden question. "Before – you know."
Kurt nodded slowly.
"Before you kissed me."
"… yeah. Yeah. I thought – I used to think you'd be so thankful. If I did it.
'Cause you were the only gay kid at school, and I wasn't gay, it was just you,
so I should just do it to get it the fuck over with, and you'd be glad, you'd
be over the goddamn moon for getting the chance." Dave groaned and pressed the
heels of his palms to his eyes. "I thought it was obvious. I mean, how else
could it go? And I wasn't gonna do it, 'cause shit, I wasn't gay, I wasn't a
freak, wasn't a fairy like Hummel –" He paused. Kurt nudged him lightly on the
shoulder. "Shit. I just – always, in that moment before I could set my mind
straight – pun fucking intended, by the way – that was all I could think about.
Kissing a guy. Kissing a gay guy and having him kiss me back. Kissing you,
'cause that's what it was all about, wasn't it, it was you, it's always been
you."
Kurt's breath caught in his throat. He slithered closer to Dave.
"Other guys didn't even come close. But I wasn't gay, I wasn't, it was your
fault, you and your goddamn pants, and your goddamn face, and how you fucking
walked and talked and yelled at me. I was sick – but I wasn't gay." He shook
his head, hands still over his eyes. "I could have punched you, y' know? When
you came after me." He looked at Kurt desperately. "Shit, Kurt, why did you?
I'm built like fucking two and a half of you, the fuck were you even thinking?"
Blaine's name was on the tip of his tongue, but it would do more harm than
good; Dave was already prejudiced enough against Blaine and he wouldn't see it
the same way Kurt did. Blaine's intentions had been good – misguided but
ultimately good, and Kurt could never resent him for that. He shrugged
tentatively at David's probing expression.
"I mean, you're smart, you had to know nothing good could ever–" Dave sighed,
letting his head fall back against the wall. "You got off so fucking easy, can
you imagine if I didn't – if I didn't like you, can you just –"
"Yes, easy. Just my first kiss with a boy, stolen by a Neanderthal who thought
he was a huge freak for finding me attractive. No big deal," snapped Kurt,
feeling conflicted.
Dave looked away.
"I'm sorry."
"Dave, I –"
"Why are you here, Kurt?" Dave was still facing his bookcase. "Why did you –
God, tell me this isn't all some scheme to get back at me, please, I know I
probably deserve it but, fuck, you're not cruel like that, you're –"
Kurt huffed and covered Dave's mouth with his hand.
"No, this is to get back at you."
"Mmmngh?"
"Be quiet. You've said enough nonsense tonight to last you a year."
"Mnnf."
Kurt smiled in spite of himself at the resigned look in Dave's face. He bit his
lip, making up his mind.
"Kurt? Kurt, what –" Dave gazed at him in amazement. "What are you –"
"Sshh, David." Kurt crawled on top of Dave's thighs, straddling them. He felt
something jolt and roar inside him when his hands came to rest on Dave's chest
and Dave's own hands, as if irresistibly attracted, settled back on his hips.
"But –"
"Is this obvious enough for you?" Kurt leaned forward, letting his breath play
over Dave's mouth. The boy's lips parted slightly and Kurt would have dived in
for a fourth try, this time nothing barred if Dave hadn't chosen that moment to
attempt at forming words.
"Wait."
"Why?" Kurt cringed at the whine, but really, why? Hadn't they circled around
this enough, played enough catch to satisfy Dave's latent sadistic urges? He
felt like a clichéd teenager in a clichéd teenage flick, overrun by hormones
and frustration, but Dave's mouth.
'Cause I'm not drunk, Kurt, and if you want me to forget this tomorrow then
you'd better leave right the fuck now."
Kurt backed away slightly, giving him a relieved smile.
"You remember."
Dave sighed heavily, his fingers rubbing jerky circles on Kurt's hips.
"Not something you just forget."
"But you were drunk," said Kurt quietly; he let his hands slide onto Dave's
biceps.
"Not that drunk," admitted Dave, ducking his head.
"You lied to me." Kurt grinned in delight. "To get laid over the phone. David
Karofsky, you filthy liar."
"Yeah, well, next time you try to have the guy you're damn near obsessed with
suggesting that he might let you talk dirty to him on the phone if only you
promise not to remember anything the next day. See how well you do."
Kurt's grin grew impossibly wider.
"You're obsessed with me?"
"Nearly."
"Semantics."
Dave shrugged, looking down.
"Sounds creepy."
Kurt hooked two fingers under his chin, making Dave face him.
"I'll take your kind of creepy anytime, David." He blushed m. "Not that I – I
mean, this is not a free pass for you to start stealing my trash or –"
"The hell would I do with your trash?"
Kurt chuckled, able to keep his own happiness from bubbling out.
"That's a relief." Dave's expression sobered him immediately. "I'm not going
anywhere, Dave," he whispered, growing shy. "Not when you want me here. Which –
you do, don't you?"
"God, you're an idiot. I love you, okay, I fucking love you, so you –"
"You– you do?"
Dave slumped against the wall, pinching his nose.
"You're shitting me," he gritted out between clenched teeth.
Kurt lowered his eyes, fidgeting with the sleeves of Dave's sleep t-shirt.
"I fucking told you."
"But you wouldn't kiss me! And you never said it again after that second time,
when you were drunk, so I thought –"
"What, that I had changed my mind when you're all I goddamn think about?" Dave
shook his head in disbelief.
"You wouldn't tell me!"
"I fucking told you, alright? I thought you were – fuck, I thought you were
jerking me around when you'd go all clueless on me."
"You thought – you really think I would do that?"
"Not on purpose, but you didn't want me to remember, so I –"
"You wouldn't say it, you wouldn't do anything!"
"I can't believe you." Dave snorted. "Learned my lesson, didn't I?"
"Huh?" Normally Kurt would have been worried at his own lack of articulation,
but he had fled the realm of normalcy the minute he decided it would be a good
idea to break into Dave's bedroom.
"You said… you probably don't remember, but you said you knew I wouldn't kiss
you, wouldn't do a thing to you if I thought you didn't want me to." Dave gave
him a half-smile and shrugged once.
"I did?"
"Yeah."
Kurt's brow furrowed.
"You have got to stop listening to me. It's obviously getting us nowhere."
Dave smiled fully at that, pulling the slighter boy a little closer.
"You trusted me, Fancy. I was gonna make damn sure you had no reason not to."
"By pushing me away?"
His indignation made David chuckle.
"Wasn't sure. Had to be sure, you wouldn't fucking tell me, I just needed one
word, Kurt, just one fucking word."
Kurt let out an exasperated sigh, wincing at his own stupidity.
"Oh god. Oh god, David, I'm sorry, I didn't know –"
"You're a fucking idiot."
"Excuse me?"
"Jesus, Fancy, I'm sorry, but you are." Dave slid his hands up and down Kurt's
back, his voice thick with awe. "You had me. Shit, you haveme, always, you
fucking idiot."
Kurt pursed his lips in annoyance, starting to wiggle out of the bigger boy's
lap; David chuckled deep in his throat and held him still. Kurt huffed and
rolled his eyes; his hands were seemingly incapable of accomplishing any chore
that did not involve immediate proximity to Dave's skin.
"I didn't come here to have my mental capacities insulted."
David grinned cheekily.
"Oh? What did you come here for, then?"
Kurt could feel his resolve quake and crumble at the sheer happiness patent in
Dave's face.
"I don't even know anymore. Maybe I should go." He felt the urge to slap
himself over how feeble it sounded.
"Was it –" Dave's hands trailed up to cup his face gently, making Kurt sigh and
shiver under his fingertips. "Was it this?" He pressed his thumb to Kurt's
lips, parting them easily. Kurt's eyelashes fluttered almost involuntarily.
"Kurt?"
Kurt exhaled shakily, nodding ever so slightly and trying not to dislodge
either of Dave's hands.
"Really?"
How dare he. How dare the cave-dwelling, asinine, fashion-challenged, stupid
boy tease him. Kurt E. Hummel was not someone to be played with lightly.
"Yes." His hand slipped to the back of David's neck, tugging hard on his hair.
The jock swallowed, his hands hot and trembling on Kurt's face. Kurt leaned in,
bringing his mouth close to Dave's ear. "So fucking kiss me."
The world turned upside down.
He was suddenly on his back on the bed; Dave's body was bent over his, with
careful yet wonderfully there pressure; his own hands were crushed between
their bodies, clawing desperately at Dave's shirt; the jock had his face
cradled in his hands, as if easing his grip would have made Kurt run out. And
the best – the best was Dave's mouth on his, Dave's wonderful, yielding,
responsive lips against his, kissing back with the kind of desperate longing
that would have had a lesser man running for the fire escape. But the past
weeks had burned a mark deep within him, and it recognized David as both the
tormentor and the savior – he had enough hunger coiled up inside to push up
against Dave, giving back as good as he got.
It felt as if he could have shed his skin and flown out, weren't it for Dave's
body, and Dave's hands and Dave's heated pants of 'Kurt, Kurt, Kurt' every time
they broke apart for air.
It was happening. Dreams, his own imagination – quite a capable one, at that –
could not have prepared him for the physicality of the need he felt for Dave.
Their kisses weren't anywhere near as skillful as the ones he'd had with
Blaine; in fact, he seemed to have forgotten all technic as soon as Dave's
mouth touched his. He was finally not thinking, only feeling,feeling that he
couldn't possible go for a moment without the heat, the slickness of it, it was
ludicrous to think so, so it was only natural he would chase Dave's lips
whenever the other boy drew away with ragged breath, only natural he would
whimper and writhe, letting Dave settle more comfortably between his legs, only
natural that he would kiss and lick and nip down Dave's jawline, down the
straining tendons of Dave's neck, over whatever patch of naked salty skin he
could reach, rubbing his smoother face against the hint of growing stubble with
a sort of happiness that had him positively giddy.
"Fuck, Kurt –"
He hummed in agreement, settling on the spot where Dave's neck became shoulder
and, finding that to be the tastiest, started mouthing it with intent.
"Jesus Christ, what are you even doingto me, God –"
Kurt felt a giggle bubbling up his own throat, but it came out as a
surprisingly deep moan when one of Dave's hands skimmed down to stroke over his
ribcage with lovely pressure.
Then Dave shifted carefully, pulling away to lie on his back. Kurt felt as if
he was freezing, despite the comfortable temperature in the room. He whimpered
pitifully, reaching out to Dave with jerky fingers; Dave grabbed them and
kissed his knuckles with a fervor that had Kurt's biting protests dying in his
throat. He nibbled on his bottom lip as Dave just lay beside him with his eyes
tightly shut, his broad chest heaving with raspy breaths, the back of Kurt's
hand still pressed against his mouth.
"D-Dave?" He scooted closer to the larger boy, missing his warmth as if it were
intrinsically part of him, but not daring to make any kind of bold move, not
when Dave looked as if he would shatter at the slightest touch.
The boy's eyes half-opened. Maybe Kurt should blame the dimness of the room,
but he could barely see the hazel around Dave's pupils. Dave's breath felt hot
and eager on the sensitive skin of his knuckles.
"David? Did I –"
"Don't even, Jesus, because I know what you're gonna ask, and it's crazy, and
you're an idiot, and I'm gonna feel the need to prove you wrong and I don't
think I can, not without seriously embarrassing myself," rushed out Dave in one
breath, intertwining his fingers with Kurt's and nuzzling their joined hands.
"What do you mean you –" Dave looked down pointedly, and then up again. Kurt's
eyes widened and he became fully aware of being in bed with a boy – and not
just any boy, but the one he kept falling for harder and harder, always
thinking there would – because there should – be a limit to how deep he could
get into it, but there never was, not with David making it his personal mission
to surpass each of Kurt's expectations by miles.
His mouth suddenly became very dry: he was hard. Not just aroused, but
definitely hard – as in he would have made a mess in his pants without even
knowing what hit him, because he would have been too lost in Dave and the
amazingness of what was happening. He swallowed, feeling breathless when he saw
the matching tent of fabric on Dave's own pajama bottoms.
Oh.
A sound that was half snort and half sniffle suddenly escaped him. Dave turned
his head to face him, surprised. Kurt snorted again.
"Fancy?" The tone was cautious, increasing Kurt's amusement tenfold.
"S-sorry." He was sniggering now, his chest wracked with repressed laughter.
"This – it's surreal, I just – god, David, stop making that face, I'm not
demented–"
"That's really up for debate, Fancy," but he was starting to smile, and then he
was full on grinning, and in seconds they were both cackling like
schoolchildren just discovering potty humor.
It took them a total of five minutes to sober up effectively without breaking
down in laughter at the mere sight of each other's faces. Kurt was infinitely
glad for having attempted this breaking and entering act while Dave was
actually alone in the house.
"So. You're gonna tell me what the fuck got into you tonight and why the hell
didn't it happen sooner? Like, you know, before I was driving myself crazy
enough to believe you weren't real." Dave sat up, pulling Kurt into his lap
again. Kurt's heartbeat sped up at the casualness of it all until he saw the
hesitancy shadowing Dave's face. He rolled his eyes and brought their clasped
hands to his lips, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to Dave's palm. Dave flushed
at that, looking absurdly pleased.
"Finn," Kurt answered simply, gazing at the hint of chest hair peeking from
under Dave's collar.
"Hudson?"
"And Blaine." He suppressed a smirk at Dave's cross expression. "And Rachel.
They all got into me. Quite a debauched emotional party we had."
Dave's frown melted as he gave Kurt a lopsided smile.
"Sounds fun."
"To you, maybe." Kurt sighed. "I think I was at great risk of eventually losing
every friend I had in the world." Dave made a questioning noise. "They were
getting a little sick of me moping around because of you."
"You moped? Because of me? Why?"
"Do you even have to ask?"
Dave gave him a look.
"I told you already. God, Dave, this past weeks, I kept giving you the sign, I
gave you barrels of signs, I practically presented myself to you, and you.
You." He poked Dave's shoulder with his finger. "You did nothing."
"Signs? What signs?"
Kurt almost bit him. He was in close proximity of Dave's earlobe now, and gore
could have happened.
He was so good.
"I serenaded you. With 'Kiss Me'." Kurt pursed his lips into a haughty pout,
which rapidly melted when Dave bent his head to mouth wetly at his collarbone.
"Not helping," he hissed, squirming. "And you – you didn't – I guess your essay
was more attention worthy than me," he finished lamely, unable to stop from
swaying in Dave's lap, pressing shamelessly against him while still keeping
their crotches at a cautious distance.
Dave chuckled against his skin and nipped it playfully, making Kurt's self-
control snap. His hips bucked against Dave's, which in turn had the very
satisfying result of a strong arm tightening around his waist. Dave was
suddenly gasping hot and fast against the side of his neck.
There.
"You are an idiot," the other boy hissed, nuzzling Kurt's jaw and taking long
calming breaths.
"You keep saying that."
"You are."
"Why?"
Dave looked up from where he had latched on Kurt's skin, and the singer took
the opportunity to pull him into a sloppy kiss that had more tongue than lips,
that was more biting and licking than actually kissing, but for Kurt there had
never been anything more glorious. They had let go of each other's hands in
synch, and Dave's own seemed to be everywhere at once, caressing and kneading
and stroking Kurt's entire body, as if he couldn't get enough of Kurt. If Kurt
had enough control he would just lie back and let himself enjoy it, but that
proved to be impossible seeing as he himself had Dave's own body at his
disposal.
Dave was the first to pull away again; had Kurt been with anyone else he would
feel downright shameful for being so forward, but Dave was looking at him with
such naked want that he couldn't bring himself to care one lick.
"You're gonna be the death of me, Hummel," sighed David, running his restless
hands up and down Kurt's thighs, keeping careful distance of Kurt's obvious
erection. For a moment Kurt almost gave in to his ever-present insecurity that
maybe Dave was actually uncomfortable with all of this, with the pressing
reminder of Kurt's very male equipment. But then Dave looked down with hungry
eyes, licking his lips and swallowing, and Kurt had to be the one to back away
before he permanently embarrassed himself.
He really should have put on jeans. He had been hoping to make a statement, not
only to Dave but also to himself, but cotton pajamas? Not practical.
Dave cleared his throat, looking up with a distinct flush. Kurt smiled and
shrugged sympathetically, intertwining their fingers again. Dave looked at
their joined hands dazedly.
"So… essay? I hope my laying myself down emotionally was inspiring."
Dave barked a laugh at that and then playfully nudged Kurt away until his legs
were free. Kurt stared at him in hurt confusion when Dave bent and twisted his
body to get to the nightstand drawer. He pulled out a stack of papers and
handed them to Kurt, smirking all the while.
Kurt quirked one eyebrow but complied, straining to read in the dim light of
the small lamp.
He frowned, sure he must be reading wrong. Or maybe Dave had grabbed the wrong
papers, and these weren't the ones Kurt had seen him shove in the drawer the
week before.
"Dave?"
"Mm-hmm?"
"Are you sure –"
"Read."
The papers were covered in Dave's firm and highly characteristic handwriting –
but there was not a word dealing with Puritanism. Kurt's mouth gaped open
slightly. In fact, as far as he could tell, there were only a total of five
different words repeated time and time again. 'Fuck' had a healthy share of the
page, as did 'kiss me', but the top rated were 'Fancy' and 'Kurt', which
appeared in interrupted chains that took up solid blocks of text.
"Felt liked killing my mom when she mentioned it. She knew I'd already done it,
but I needed the excuse. Was hoping you would stay a little longer if you
thought I still needed help with it."
Kurt's eyes prickled as he remembered his own pain at Dave's apparent
indifference; and now there was the second-hand suffering at the thought of
Dave sitting where they were now, scribbling down Kurt's name over and over and
over.
"I didn't know." Dave's voice was soft. "You were singing, and singing that
song, and I wanted it to be for me, Fancy, I wanted it so fucking much." He
raked his free hand through his hair, sighing. "But you know what they say
about assuming. For all I knew, it was random."
"Honestly, David. Nothing is that random."
"Hey, I was a little suspicious when you said 'kilt', butyou weren't even
looking at me. Can't really blame a guy."
Kurt huffed, rolling his eyes.
"It was 'Kiss Me'. I shouldn't have needed to sing along, even."
Dave grinned, shaking his head.
"Emotionally constipated, right?" He reached out to straighten the collar of
Kurt's shirt, his fingers lingering over Kurt's collarbone. "Besides, you
seemed pretty focused on your math homework, too."
Kurt's eyebrows met his hairline.
"You saw my calculations."
"Yeah, but – wait." Dave stared at him in disbelief. "Wait. You did that on
purpose?"
"Those equations were hardand I was a little busy serenading your ungrateful
ass." He poked Dave again. "I wasn't even trying to get them right. I have many
talents, but that kind of multi-tasking isn't really in my range."
"You can serenade my ass anytime, Fancy," said Dave, his leer making Kurt
scoff. "No, seriously. You faked the whole thing? Your questions, and the
results and the –"
"I'm not exactly what you would call academically challenged, David."
"Not even at math?"
"Nope. I mean, I'm no genius, either, or a freaky closet math geek like some,
but –" Kurt blushed. "Actually, I think we had the same idea. I didn't want you
kicking me out as soon as your mother was sick of me."
"Oh, thank God," Dave breathed out in relief. "I mean, I was scared," he
clarified when Kurt raised one eyebrow. "Never thought I would be shallow
enough to fall for a guy just because he looked smoking hot in a pair of
jeans." He chuckled and ducked when Kurt swatted at him.
"Hum. Well, it's nice to know you have good taste in at least onething."
Dave nodded in agreement, still obviously amused, then collected the papers
Kurt had set on the bed and turned away to place them back in his drawer.
Kurt hesitated. On one hand, there was nothing he wanted more than to slide
back into Dave's lap and resume their earlier actions.
But.
It was as if all his courage had concentrated on getting to this room, to this
bed, to Dave. Dave's back was still turned to him as he put his papers away,
and Kurt could feel his resolve ebbing away, deprived of Dave's arms around
him, of Dave's solid warmth under him.
He felt the bed dipping, startling him out of his reverie.
"Hum. So, where were we?"
Kurt's head snapped up; Dave was grinning at him broadly, leaning casually
against the headboard. Kurt swallowed thickly at the sudden shock of desire
that ran through his entire body.
"What are you still doing over there?" Dave's brow furrowed in confusion. "Come
here."
If Kurt was still in possession of a semi-functioning brain he would have been
amazed at how he had managed not to break his neck with how quickly he lunged
himself at Dave.
The other boy let out a surprised chuckle but caught him deftly, tightening
strong hands around Kurt's waist and pulling him closer.
"David…" breathed Kurt, his hands trembling as they made their way down Dave's
broad back. His erection twitched in a painful remainder; Dave seemed to be
having the same issue, watching Kurt with heated eyes.
"I don't want to…" He hid his face in Dave's shoulder. "I know we're alone, and
we kind of already crossed a few lines that one time, but –"
"Y'know, if you think you can come here with all that 2 a.m. romantic crap just
to take advantage of me, then you're dead wrong." Dave grinned into Kurt's
hair. "Kurt, I know, okay? Fuck, tonight I fell asleep thinking we were done
for sure, and that I'd never hear your voice again, much less see you. This…
honestly, I don't think I can handle anything more than just kissing right now.
Which, by the way, awesome."
Kurt chuckled, pressing his lips to the side of David's neck lazily and
lingering there, breathing hotly. The other boy whimpered, squirming underneath
him.
"And that kinda goes a long way to change my mind, so you might wanna hold up
on it."
They sighed heavily in unison, breaking apart. Kurt knew he had issues with
personal space, being at the same time wary of contact and very much touch-
starved. Blaine had been the first boy he was allowed to get close to without
trepidation, but this. If he didn't take care, he would end up actively
molesting Dave one day. The only thing keeping him from recoiling in dreadful
mortification was the both visual and palpable proof that Dave was not faring
any better.
He shifted his legs so that he was no longer straddling Dave but sitting
astride him, knees bent over Dave's right leg, careful not to bump into
anything and worsen their problem.
"I'm really, really sorry, David." He locked his arms around his –
No, he was not getting into thatso soon.
"What for?" David frowned.
"Oh, god. Where to begin." He looked up for inspiration amidst the darkened
ceiling. "Not telling you about Blaine, I guess. Oh, but I did that already."
"Doesn't hurt," said Dave playfully. "Hold on. When did you do it? Break up
with him, I mean."
Kurt blushed violently and looked down, mumbling.
"Huh?"
"The day after that time when you – when you told me about seeing me in the
locker room." He gnawed on his bottom lip when he saw Dave's stunned
expression.
"You what."
"I had to, after that."
"Why?"
"Because I – god, Dave, don't judge me, I –" He swallowed. "The things you
said. You can't just go around saying things like that to people."
Dave's brow furrowed as he stared at Kurt.
"Not following."
Kurt buried his burning face in his hands.
"I might have had to… take care of a little problem, after."
"What do you mean, take –" Dave cut himself short, eyes widening in shock.
"Oh." He took Kurt's hands into his own. Kurt gulped, seeing the color rising
high in Dave's cheeks and how glassy and unfocused his eyes were becoming. "I
thought you were mad at me."
"Believe me, I was the farthest from mad I could ever be."
"I couldn't even – I didn't even have the nerve to call you, Kurt. Christ. And
you were – you were doing that?"
Kurt nodded miserably.
"And you broke up with Bland –"
"Oh, so we're back at Bland, hum?"
Dave shrugged, still looking a bit delirious.
"You're not going back to him. Don't have to be nice."
"I'm not, am I?" said Kurt, with just a hint of teasing.
Dave shook himself, narrowing his eyes.
"No. Not as long as I have a say in the matter, anyway."
"And do you?" Kurt knew he was testing his luck.
"Do I?" threw Dave back, challenging and just the teeniest bit unsure.
Kurt relented and kissed him softly, drawing back before they got in trouble
again.
"Take that as a 'hell yes', please," he whispered breathlessly across Dave's
lips. Dave nodded, leaning his forehead against Kurt's.
Kurt was the first to break the easy silence.
"Dave?"
"Mm-hmm?"
"I'm sorry about not kissing you sooner."
Dave smiled, bringing his hand up to cup Kurt's cheek gently.
"'S alright."
"It's just – you stopped saying stuff, and I –"
"Thought you didn't want me to."
"Why wouldn't I? Even if I didn't feel anything for you – which, obviously, I
do –" He was cut off when Dave pressed a urgent kiss to his lips. "I – hum –
what?"
"You were saying how annoyingly irresistible you find me."
Kurt gave him a deeply unimpressed look, quickly spoiled by his own pleased
sigh when Dave's thumb brushed over his cheekbones.
"Anyway. Everyone likes to be told nice things, don't they?"
"Yeah, but when we… when I was drunk –"
Kurt groaned, banging his head against Dave's shoulder.
"Don't. I already feel like enough of an idiot, thank you."
"Good. You are."
"Uhgh."
"Fancy, you didn't want me to remember."
"I did." Kurt bit his lip. "I was so mad at you for not remembering."
"You could have said something."
"I'd never – god, you know I had never done anything like that. I felt so
embarrassed."
Dave scoffed.
"Yeah? What about me? Not like I had that much experience, either."
Kurt's mouth dropped open.
"But… Santana –"
"I couldn't." Dave made a face. "Physically, you know. Tried thinking of you,
'cause that always works, but then her boobs kinda jiggled in my face and I
lost it."
Kurt let out a shocked laugh.
"I'm guessing she wasn't all that enthused by you, either." He smiled coyly,
half-astounded at his new self-empowerment, and raked his nails down Dave's
chest. "What a waste."
Dave swallowed and grabbed his hands reluctantly, chuckling at his pout.
"Tease," he whispered affectionately. "But, yeah. Thought you wanted me to
stop." He spread his hands. "So I did."
"Uhgh. You made me think you had changed your mind. Or that I was just a safe
target. Or –"
"Fucking idiot."
"Stop it."
"You stop it."
Having no comeback, Kurt settled for latching onto David's lips again, which
were fast becoming an object of obsession. They kissed slowly and sensibly, or
as sensibly as they could in their matching half-dazed states.
Kurt broke the kiss to lavish some attention on his second favorite spot just
under Dave's jaw. The other boy groaned when Kurt licked at his pulse point,
and his hands slid down Kurt's sides to pause momentarily at his waist. When
Kurt drew back, breathing over the spot he had just been laving with his
tongue, Dave's hips snapped up, almost of their own accord, and his hands
jumped and fell to Kurt's ass, kneading with aching urgency. The temperature
seemed to increase in the room; Kurt felt his cock twitching painfully, and he
wanted nothing more than to push back into Dave's hands, or push forward, or
just –
"We need to stop," he gasped, the firm grip he had around Dave's neck
preventing them from doing just so.
"I know," panted the other boy, his mouth searching for Kurt's.
"No, we –" Kurt bucked up, desperate for just a hint of friction. "We have to,
Dave, we-"
"Fuck, baby –"
"Fuck!"
Kurt jerked back as if shocked, scurrying out of Dave's reach, his mind reeling
with how close to losing control he had actually been. He was still seeing
spots, his vision slightly blurred around the edges. Dave was looking a little
distorted, his concerned face swimming among black and purple dots.
"Kurt?"
"Shut up, shut up, Dave, I'm sorry but please don't say anything, god –" He
sucked in a long breath, repeating Rachel's mantra to himself.
One in… one out… one fucking in… one fucking out…
Dave was apparently either too annoyed or too worried to protest, for which
Kurt would give grace, if grace was something he normally gave.
One in… I'm gonna kill him… one out… one in… it hurts … one out…
His breathing evened out and his vision began to focus, little by little. Dave
was still staring at him, not having moved an inch since Kurt's meltdown.
"This is all your fault, you know," he said, smiling shakily.
"The fuck?"
Kurt waved down at his middle, letting his other hand come up to cover half his
face dramatically. Dave sniggered, making him scowl.
"Hilarious, David."
"'S a little bit funny."
"This particular feeling inside was about to become very much out all over you.
I'd like to see you laughing then."
Dave licked his lips, an intense look in his eyes.
"Don't think I would have laughed," he muttered hoarsely.
Kurt gulped and looked away, willing his blood to regain its normal course, far
away from both his cheeks and his crotch.
"Hey." David started inching towards him, as if Kurt were a wild animal.
Predictably, Kurt drew back even more. "Kurtie..."
Kurt eyed the larger boy haughtily.
"Don't try to sweet talk me, David Karofsky." He caught the flash of the alarm
clock out of the corner of his eye. "I should go," he whispered regretfully,
all traces of mock anger dispersed.
Dave slumped back, nodding faintly.
"Dave."
"No, I know, Fancy." He spread his hands between them, smiling crookedly.
"Like, I know you should. But I really don't want you to."
Kurt sighed.
"Believe me, neither do I."
"You could, hum –" Dave looked down. "You could stay tonight, and go home
tomorrow before your folks woke up." He shrugged. "I'd even sleep on the floor,
if you –"
"Today is tomorrow, David." He waved at the alarm clock. "Besides, that would
defeat the principle."
"Of sneaking out?"
"Exactly."
Dave shook his head incredulously.
"But you might not get caught. People don't pay that much attention to car
noises in the morning as they do at night."
"I still won't. My dad sleeps heavier in the wee hours, and if Carole won't
wake up with his snoring, she definitely won't wake up with my baby's soft,
healthy purr."
"Your baby." Kurt smirked at Dave's appalled deadpan.
"It's useless to get jealous, David. She'll always be first in my heart."
"Your car is a girl? You sure you're gay?"
Kurt reached forward, grabbing Dave by the back of his neck and kissing him
slow and a little dirty, in a way that had David panting long before it was
over.
"Yep. 100% gay," Kurt assured him, pulling away and licking his lips greedily.
"Same here. Fuck. I'm not gonna ask where you learned to do that, 'cause I so
don't wanna know."
Kurt shrugged airily, not wanting to let in how he had basically been
improvising and that however incredible Blaine's kisses were technic-wise, they
didn't inspire him a tenth as much as Dave's did.
Dave made a face but let it pass and got up, yawning as he stretched his arms.
Kurt watched as the muscles twisted and craned beneath the thin dark fabric of
David's shirt, noticing the stripe of tanned skin over Dave's hipbone and
coloring deeply when Dave caught him looking. Instead of smirking and making
the expected crude remark, he smiled abashedly, holding his hand out to help
Kurt up. The singer took it eagerly, putting more impulse than required behind
his movement, causing him to accidentally-on-purpose crash into Dave.
"Hi," he murmured, exceedingly fond of movie clichés for once.
Dave laughed quietly and grabbed him by the waist, drawing Kurt close for
another kiss.
And then another, because Kurt was sighing so prettily, and Dave wanted more of
that.
And then another, because Dave couldn't keep from whimpering pathetically when
Kurt's tongue brushed the roof of his mouth.
And then they were back to groping and licking and biting, writhing against
each other, and it stung like the bite of a pack of rabid dogs when Kurt had to
pull away after the front of their pants brushed ever so slightly. Their needy
breathing mingled as they stood still, leaning their foreheads together.
"We're going to die from this, aren't we?" asked Kurt close to despair.
"You know, I thought the worst thing was being so damn close to you and not
having you, but –" His smile was pained. "I didn't know shit."
"You're telling me." Kurt backed away two steps, feeling like crying at the
crestfallen look on Dave's face. "Come on, Hammock. Walk me to the door?" He
smirked teasingly, steeling himself in order to not shove Dave onto the bed and
have his wickedest way with his –
Not going there.
Dave laughed, his eyes brighter than Kurt had seen them in… ever.
You did that.
He was sure his heart was swelling, biology be damned.
"Let's go, Lady-boy." Dave's answering smirk was anxious, his tone unsure on
the insult. Kurt cocked his head, hooking one finger over the drawstring of
Dave's pants and pulling him close; his whole hand was tingling at the heady
feel of Dave's skin there.
"You're pretty cocky for a guy who was ogling my not-lady-parts not ten minutes
ago." He felt insanely proud for keeping his blush down when Dave got flustered
and looked away, lips twitching. "Shall we?" He tugged on Dave's hand, pointing
to the door. The taller boy mock-curtsied, trailing behind Kurt and trying to
be discreet about watching his ass move under the soft fabric.
They made their way through the wall stealing kisses every two steps; muffling
their laughter for they knew not what reason.
Before they reached the front door, Dave halted.
"Wanna meet Willy? My dad brought him back three days ago, they had to
operate." He grimaced. "Got like, a two hour lecture about keeping small things
out of his reach. Fucking dog should know better by now, but no."
Kurt looked back at him, biting the inside of his cheek.
"I don't know, David. Animals don't seem to like me much." He paused,
considering. "Though some like me too much. Like my Mercedes' poodle. He did
unspeakable things to my leg before anyone could pry him off."
"Classy dog. Good taste, too." Dave grabbed Kurt's hand as the smaller boy went
to slap his arm in revenge and took the opportunity to dive in for another
mutual kiss-stealing session.
"Mmmgh, David –"
Dave groaned in agreement, pulling back with a pained frown. Kurt gave him a
half-smile of commiseration.
"Right." He cleared his throat. "He's pretty out of it, still. Gotta have him
on pain-killers till Monday." He looked Kurt over. "Good thing, too, or he'd
probably knock you over."
"Hey!"
"He almost knocks meover, Fancy, the dog's a menace."
"Hmpf."
Dave chuckled and pushed open the double glass-panned doors to the living room.
"Willy? C'mon boy," he called softly into the dark room.
Kurt heard rustling, and sure enough there was a blur of light yellow fur
running towards Dave's outstretched hand, its tail wagging behind frenetically.
"This is 'out of it'?" Kurt couldn't keep the dread out of his voice.
"Pretty much." Dave laughed at his horrified expression and bent down to
scratch the panting dog behind the ears. It was a healthy-looking Labrador,
Kurt decided, a bit too large and tall, but with a clumsy, foolish look about
him that he couldn't help but smile at.
"Any other time he'd be slobbering and pawing all over you."
"Ew."
"Just for the first five minutes, or so. He gets a little… over-excited.
Fucking terrible watch-dog, would probably make BFFs out of the burglars."
Kurt hummed, and reached down cautiously, wincing when the dog's wet nose
bumped his knuckles. He attempted to recoil when it started to lick his fingers
but Dave held his wrist gently.
"There, just – it's okay, see?" He chuckled at Kurt's grimace. "You never had a
dog, did you?"
"My dad's allergic. I wanted one when I was little, and when I wouldn't stop
whining about it he told be about hair-shedding season and dog spit. It lost
its appeal entirely." He petted the dog's head absentmindedly. "Thinking back,
that was quite Machiavellian of him."
David nodded and reached up to tuck in a strand of Kurt's hair. The dog surged
forward, nudging him away from the smaller boy. He smirked knowingly.
"Hey, Willy, it's fine, Kurt's a – The fuck? You little –" he spluttered when
it became clear by Willy's dropping to the floor to let Kurt scratch his belly
that it wasn't Dave he had been trying to protect. "You gotta be shitting me,
not you too!"
Kurt suppressed a chuckle at Dave's fuming and crouched down to oblige the dog,
careful to steer far from the line of stiches lower on his belly.
"I'm surrounded by traitors. I mean, first my sister, then my mom and now my
fucking dog."
"Well, you keep calling him names."
"He ate my phone! What, next my dad's gonna take you on Take Your Child To Work
Day, Jesus." Dave leaned against the wall, shaking his head in amazement.
"But he's such a good boy. Aren't you? Yes, you are," cooed Kurt, partly to
annoy Dave and partly because the dog was adorable – at least once one got over
the large paws and permanently gaping mouth filled with mean looking teeth.
"Shoot me now." Dave smacked his forehead. "Wanna move in?"
"Only if you let me sleep in your bed." Kurt's eyes widened in shock as the
hand not rubbing Willy's fur slapped over his mouth. Dave made a choking sound
– then a brilliant grin started taking over his face. He searched Kurt's face
with a half-hopeful, half-disbelieving look, making it impossible for Kurt to
look away, despite the way his face had violently flushed.
"You got yourself a deal," whispered Dave, his voice thick.
Kurt nodded airily, trying to bite back the smile stretching his lips.
Willy nuzzled the hand he had let drop. He shook his head at the dog, resuming
the petting.
"Little bit of an attention-whore, isn't he?"
"Takes one to know one, Fancy." Dave winked.
Kurt quirked up one eyebrow but let it go, fully committed to securing Willy's
undivided loyalty.
"Ugh, stop it. He's just gonna follow you home and get you busted with his
lovesick howling outside your window."
Kurt started at the mention of his imminent grounding and got up with one last
scratch behind the dog's ears. Willy rolled over and sat back on his hind legs,
looking up at Kurt with pitiful eyes, tail still sweeping the floor
rhythmically. Kurt made a small 'aww' noise.
"He likes me."
"What a fucking surprise. Traitor," Dave grumbled at the dog.
"David."
"Next thing you're gonna say you like him better."
Kurt leaned against him, backing the taller boy into the wall. He hooked one
arm around Dave's neck and dropped his other hand to the boy's hip, relishing
Dave's thrilled surprise.
"What's gotten into you?" Dave eyed him warily, the corners of his mouth
twitching nonetheless.
"I honestly have no idea," confessed Kurt with an anxious chuckle.
"I like it," said Dave simply, tilting his head and brushing their mouths
together. Their eyes were still open, taking in each other. Kurt's tongue slid
slowly over his bottom lip. "I love it," he groaned, pulling Kurt flush against
him and deepening the kiss. Kurt's hand clenched on his hip; Dave's right one
slid down teasingly, fingertips stroking the skin above the waistband of Kurt's
pants.
Suddenly a cold nose was sniffling at his exposed ankle, a smooth head of fur
butting at his leg, trying to pry him off.
"The hell, Willy."
Kurt muffled his laughter in Dave's chest and took the chance to breath in
Dave's scent discreetly.
"I can't get a fucking break, Jesus." Dave wrapped his arm around Kurt's waist,
dislodging from the wall and pointing at the darkened living room. "Go," he
said to Willy, nudging him with his foot.
"David!"
"No, you don't get to take his side, not ever, Fancy." He nudged the dog again.
"Or else you can go make out with him."
Kurt grumbled at his side, snippets of 'Caveman' and 'stupid jock with stupid
lips' reaching Dave's ears and making him smirk.
Willy finally relented, casting the pair one last pathetic look before Dave
pulled the door shut.
Kurt glanced at the grandfather clock on the wall by the door, wincing.
"It's four. How is it four?" Dave shrugged and bent to kiss his neck. "David!"
"Busy." Kurt shuddered when he felt Dave's stubbly chin rubbing over his
collarbone. "You taste so fucking good, Christ, how do you taste so good?"
"I – ugh, Dave – cream and almond – oh – body cream –" He felt Dave grinning
against his neck.
"Fucking delicious," he growled. Kurt gripped his shoulders tighter, feeling
his knees give out further at every lap of Dave's tongue on the hollow of his
throat.
"Dave, the time," he whined, pushing up against the other boy.
"Fuck time."
Kurt sniggered immaturely, pulling away.
"I demand a minimum of three extended, creative dates before we even get to
that point, buddy."
Dave's brow creased and then smoothed as he grinned and shook his head.
"Well, we went for that movie. And then we totally had a study-date." He
paused. "Does tonight count, too?"
Kurt lifted an unimpressed eyebrow.
"First, you made perfectly clear that that was no date."
"I thought you –"
"And you dismissed my serenade on our 'study-date'."
"I toldyou –"
"And tonight doesn't count, because I did all the work." He tilted his head,
smirking. "So."
"You're a real piece of work, huh?"
"You like it."
"Got me there." Dave's fingers reached out to play with Kurt's shirtsleeve.
"You sure you want to go?"
Kurt sighed morosely.
"Not really a question of wanting." He grabbed Dave's hand, loving the feel of
it in his. "Can I call you when I get home? I don't want to rob you of anymore
sleep, but…" He trailed off, suddenly unsure.
Dave gave him a look, cradling his face with his free hand and kissing him
forcefully. They parted a long moment after with matching obnoxiously sappy
smiles.
It took them longer than it should have to finally open the front door. Kurt
stooped down for a second to graze his hand against the red handprint, ignoring
Dave's disbelieving snort.
They kissed in the silent, pitch-black night.
By the entryway.
Halfway down Dave's driveway.
Two cars behind Kurt's Navigator.
They kissed the second to last time with Kurt's back pressed against the door
of his car, blessing the insanely late/early hour for giving them no witnesses.
They kissed the last time with Dave's head being pulled in through the window
by a pale, half-naked arm.
Dave watched as Kurt drove off slowly, almost reluctantly. He bit his still
tingling lips, breathing in the dewy air.
Ten minutes after he had lied down again, stirring restlessly on the sheets
that he was probably only imagining smelt like Kurt, his phone rang.
 
===============================================================================
 
 
"David, sleep."
"Can't. This guy broke into my house, went all Jedi mind-trick on my dog and
practically molested me. Feeling sorta jittery, if you know what I mean. And he
keeps calling, too."
"Oh, please. You were asking for it."
"Not gonna go far with that lame-ass excuse, Fancy. They're on to you."
"They?"
"My imaginary cop buddies."
"Will you visit me in imaginary prison?"
"Conjugal visits?"
"I'll have to show off my hot boyfriend to the imaginary inmates, make the most
of all those gay slurs."
"… boyfriend?"
"…"
"Kurt?"
"That was just… an expression, I –"
"… oh. Okay."
"Oh, god. No, it wasn't. We need to stop doing this, David. Do you – would you
like to –"
"Be your boyfriend?"
"… yes?"
"Fuck yes."
"Oh, classy."
"You want class, just go back to Bland."
"Really?"
"… no. But, fuck, Kurt, you know me, I –"
"Class is overrated, David."
"Hum."
"So, are we – why is this so hard, honestly – are we together?"
"If you think you can just come into my room, use me like that and not commit,
you're dead wrong."
"Didn't your mother ever tell you? Dress like a slut, get treated like a slut."
"… okay, not following."
"Please, that t-shirt. Those pants."
"Seriously?"
"Hmpf."
"You're a sick little puppy, Fancy."
"You love it."
"Yes."
"I –"
"You know, now would be a good time for you to play that game where you pretend
to get naked while on the phone with me and I pretend not to pass out."
"What?"
"Tell me you didn't really get naked, I thought you were just screwing with my
head."
"Pray tell me what do you find so appalling about my getting naked, David,
because I'm not getting it. You seemed to be supportive of the idea just half
an hour ago."
"It's kinda the complete opposite, actually."
"You practically made me swear I wouldn't dare to get undressed when I was
leaving your house last week."
"Because I didn't know you – hold on. Fuck, fuck, fuck, just goddamn hold on a
second there."
"What?"
"Tell me, Kurt. Tell me you got mad at me for some stupid-ass thing I said.
Tell me you were sick of my face. Don'ttell me you told me not to call you and
then didn't talk to me for a week because you thought I wouldn't want to
imagine you naked."
"…"
"I'm in love with a fucking idiot."
"…"
"I mean, seriously. Seriously?"
"…"
"You've got no idea, do you? No goddamn clue. Fuck, if I could, you'd be naked
twenty-four seven, and locked up in my room."
"…"
"Or maybe not, 'cause, you know, my brain could use the blood one time or
another. Y'know, to prevent dying."
"…"
"Fancy? I can hear you breathing, don't be a creep."
"Oh god, David –"
"What? What did I say?"
"You – you're – I just wanna drive back and kiss you stupid."
"Hum. Not stopping you."
"Uhgh. I'll hang up now. There's a pressing matter requiring my immediate
attention."
"You have got to be kidding me."
"Don't even go there, this is your fault entirely."
"Might as well just do the naked thing again. Christ, you fucking tease. I
can't even –"
"Crap, I heard a noise. I really have to go now."
"Yeah, a noise. I bet. You could at least let me… hear you."
"David!"
"What? Not like it's a first."
"Yes, but you were drunk and I was –"
"Yeah?"
"Stop smirking. I think it might have been the heat."
"Uh-huh."
"Bye, David. I'll call you tomorrow."
"Don't."
"… o-okay, I thought you would want to–"
"Come over tomorrow."
"Oh. Why don't you come over?"
"Hudson?"
"… good point."
"So?"
"We'll see."
"Fancy –"
"Bye!"
"I – bye."
"…"
"Shit."
"…"
"I'm fucked."
"…"
***** Every Time That We Meet *****
Chapter Summary
     In which they both wisen up.
"Why, hello David."
"Hi, Kurt."
"Sleep well?"
"Fuck you, Fancy."
"Mm-hmm, I see. One could say it wasn't that much better for me either."
"Shit. Come over?"
"Isn't it an awkward time for a visit? There's lunch and napping, after all."
"You broke into my house at two in the morning."
"I certainly did. Can you imagine if it hadn't been me, but someone with bad
intentions?"
"Couldn't have had worse intentions than you, you goddamn tease. Fuck, I knew
I'd forgotten something last night."
"More kissing?"
"The alarm. Perv."
"Hmph."
"Y'know, I couldn't get more than a two hours sleep after that little stunt you
pulled."
"What stunt?"
"You know what stunt."
"Oh. Frustrated, were you?"
"You keep this up and I'm coming over to yourhouse, Hudson and your dad's rifle
be damned."
"Eager."
"Jesus fucking Christ, Kurt –"
"You should really open your front door right about... now."
"What?"
"If you want to, of course. I wouldn't like you to miss out on anything that
might be sitting on your doorstep, that's all."
"You –"
"Come on, Dave, one of your neighbours just peeked out. And it's one from the
creepy batch, too."
"Fuck –"
"Don't trip. Holy Gaga, who told him he could pull off a silk red kimono? It's
short, Coco have mercy on my eyeballs, please, they're burning, Dave, help."
"God –"
"Oh, there you are. Hi, David."
"Hi."
"Aren't you going to let me in?"
"Yeah. Yeah, come here –"
"David –"
"Missed. You."
"We just saw – oh, do that again – each other... uhngh, missed you too."
"Fuck, so much –"
"Couldn't wait to –"
"You wanna – my room?"
"Your mom?"
"Sleepin'. Is this – Fancy?"
"It's fine, do it, do it, god, David, your hands –"
"So. Maybe thatwill get him to stop whining from now on."
"Fuck!"
"Oh dear."
"Hi, Kurt."
"Hello, Alexis. How are you?"
"I've been worse. And you?"
"Definitely been worse. David, stop that, you'll hurt yourself."
"Considering how thick-headed he is, I'm more worried about the wall."
"It is such a nice head, though."
"There really is no accounting for taste. Your face is totally gonna freeze
that way, Day-Day."
"You. Out."
"My house."
"Your room."
"Dave, be nice."
"I'll show you nice."
"Not the TMI alert, ew, for the love of –"
"Hey, Alex, feel like being scarred for life?"
"Go-ing. Gone!"
"David, hones – mmngh."
"Wanna?"
"Yes. Wait, let me just – hmm."
"Fuck, Kurt, your mouth."
"Yours isn't so bad either."
"Mm-hmm?"
"Uh-uh."
"Just gonna –"
"Door stays open!"
"Pipe down, you little creep, mom's sleeping."
"I'll tell dad."
"I'll tell him I caught you smoking with that other chick."
"I wasn't!"
"Yeah? Watch me giving a fuck."
"Argh. Do yell for help, Kurt."
"I will, Alexis, thank you."
"Why can't you be my brother, really."
"Go- Fucking finally."
"You shouldn't be so – you know."
"They already like you better, anyway. What, did you roofie them or something?"
"Or something. I'm just that likable."
"Hmph."
"Aww, don't worry. I still like you better."
"Yeah? So sweet."
"Me or my –"
"You're sweet. Your neck's tasty."
"Oh!"
"What? What did I do?"
"Sensitive, I – I never knew – oh god..."
"Really? Here? Or maybe –"
"David..."
"Hmm, where were -"
"Here."
"Like it, don't you?"
"Shut up..."
"Y'know, you're kinda overdressed, Fancy."
"Yes? Well, I'll just – there."
"Is that – Fuck."
"You mentioned liking this shirt, once. In passing."
"Fu-uck."
"I was wearing it last week under my coat, just so you know."
"You... you were?"
"But then you went and snubbed my painfully obvious attempts at seduction, so I
decided you weren't worthy."
"God, Kurt, I said I was so–"
"You had better be."
"Shit, you look so fucking good in it."
"Finally, a compliment."
"Didn't know I was allowed."
"You – you're allowed."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. T-that, too."
"This, hum?"
"Oh..."
"What about this?"
"You – David – you're allowed everything."
End Notes
     Title from Train's "Drops of Jupiter". Chapter titles from Scouting
     for Girls' "Heartbeat".
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